Eclipse Review!

 Hi, preeeetty.

I might actually be alone in this feeling since it seems like every other person on the face of the planet who's seen this movie thought it was amazing (as far as Twilight movie standards go, anyway), but I honestly have to say that I just...didn't.  I didn't think it was bad, and maybe I was let down somewhat because of all the hype surrounding the movie (this was the first time I waited a few days after the premiere to go and see it, so I was getting unsolicited reviews from everyone I know), but at the end I left feeling that it was just sort of okay.  Am I the only Twilight fan who thought so?  

In any case, here are my points of interest (be prepared for a lot of New Moon comparisons):

• It has to be said that Robert Pattinson looked amazing throughout the entire movie.  A.  Ma.  Zing.  Even if it looks like he was wearing the same blue shirt -- see picture above -- the whole time.  He also has this way of talking (that soft, sort of low, breathy tone) that just melts your bones.  Still a perfect Edward in my eyes.
• With such an amazing soundtrack (you can see I've warmed up to it and now love it), they could have done a lot more with the music.  There are only a few points where I really felt the music added to the scene, one of which was definitely Sia's "My Love" during Edward and Bella's bedroom scene, another was Band of Horses.  But for the most part, New Moon's use of music was much better.
• I didn't really get an overall mood from this movie.  For example, in New Moon there was a tone for the entire movie, a look.  For the most part, the coloring was in earth tones and the feel was very melancholy.  I didn't get a cohesive feeling from Eclipse and that was disappointing.  In fact, I often felt that scenes from the books were sort of haphazardly cut together, rather than flowing from one to the next.
• I desperately want to find the Eclipse stylists and beat them to death with Bella's wig.  It's horrible, especially after she looked so ethereal and beautiful previously.
• Jackson Rathbone was a very nice surprise (his hair isn't nearly as bad as the pictures make it look).  I really loved that he had more screen time, more dialogue.  It helped him to not be so...awkward  And I obviously loved the Jasper/Alice moments (I'm a fan of their relationship almost as much as I am of Edward and Bella's).
• I thought I'd dislike Edward more, given my feelings toward him in this book.  On the page, he came across as very possessive for the entire first half, but I think they tampered that down somewhat in the movie.
• The training scene was hands down the best.  It sort of seemed like a harken back to the baseball scene from Twilight and I loved it!
• Some other great scenes: Edward and Bella in his bedroom.  Edward and Jacob going toe-to-toe over Jacob and Bella's kiss.  Bella and Charlie's sex talk.  Any scene where I got to look at Riley.  The few seconds of screen time that Seth got (because he's adorable).
• I enjoyed the whole bit about Jessica's graduation speech and how it paralleled Bella's big decision.  Predictable, but still good.
• Even though she looked slightly kabuki, Nikki Reed's portrayal of Rosalie during the conversation with Bella was beautiful.  And when she talked about her revenge, she had this...satisfied look in her eye that gave me shivers, even while her story broke my heart.
• I like Bryce Dallas Howard.  Generally, I think she's a good actress and I enjoy watching her movies, and I also love that she's a hardcore Twilight fan.  I just didn't feel that she was the best person to play Victoria.  I think Rachelle Lefevre was.  Bryce Dallas Howard just didn't have that edge that I wanted Victoria to have (and that Rachelle Lefevre brought to the character); she's too sweet looking, too wide-eyed and innocent.  It didn't sit well.
• Um...hello, Riley and the Australian accent you have in real life.
• So this isn't a flaw with the movie, and it's actually probably a testament to it, but I hated the mountain scene.  It was the worst part of the books for me because it made me completely hate Bella and Jacob and everything about them.  And the same was true when I watched it on screen.  It's stupid and immature, but I wanted to yell at Bella on Edward's behalf, "How could you do this to him?!  You love him more?  That's the best you can do?!  What's wrong with you?!"  I generally don't begin liking Bella again until more than halfway through Breaking Dawn, after the conversion takes place.  And I never really warm up to Jacob after this.

Alright, that's it.  Bring on Breaking Dawn.

eat.pray.love. check.

it makes me want to reread the book.

a good read

anyone who knows me will know that i'm obsessed with fiction.  as i wrote earlier this week, fiction isn't easy for me to write, but it's what i love.  it's no surprise then, that fiction is what i lean towards in my reading preferences as well.

books are a comfort to me.  they can be a vice, yes, because i will always use them as a way to procrastinate, but they 're also an invaluable stress reliever and an escape, a channel for frustration and a blanket to pull over my head when the frustration of school or work or life in general just won't go away.

i can remember the first book i ever read and enjoyed ("the curse of the mummy" by r.l. stein).  i can remember the first series i read ("the fear street saga" by r.l. stein), because even then i needed that continuation, that update on the lives in the characters after their stories ended.  these books, which probably won't be immortalized in the grand scheme of things, taught me how some authors could grab my attention while others couldn't.  i can't honestly say that i read the most stunning literary works that ever existed -- even now, when fear street and christopher pike are far behind me.  lord know that i'll never read most of the "classics," and it's not because i don't appreciate them.  they just don't appeal to my imagination in ways that the books i love do.

i love the exploration of relationships.  parents and children.  siblings.  friends and rivals.  lovers.  i love that exchange of words that you can read and know that that's exactly how it would have played out in your head.  it's those same words you would have screamed when you got fired, the laugh that would have escaped from your own lips at some snide remark, the anger you would have felt clawing past the hurt and shock when you were betrayed.

i love the setting of a scene.  when a room you read is perfect in every way, and you can sketch it out if you had to, when you can see the city as the character sees the city, when the details are all there for you to pick and choose from.  i love when there's flexibility enough for you to change what suits you, when the expressions, or the distracted movements of a character are so the way you see them, that these people, this situation, this world is as real to you as any other.

this is where i escape when i need to. i pick up the problems of my favorite fictional person because i know that in three hours, when i finally finish their story, the problem would have been solved and the world would have been righted again.

there's just enough drama to satisfy my need for conflict, and there, at the very end, is that ever reliable and eternal resolution.

friday feature: playlist love

do you have someone in your life that you consistently turn to when you need new music?  someone who knows your music tastes so well that if you were to just tell them, "i need some new music and i'm in a [insert emotion here] mood," they'd know exactly what to send you?  K. over at the artist in the ambulance is that person for me.  since high school, whenever i've needed music to fit an occasion, or to be the background to a book i'm reading or a problem i'm going through, she's always known what to suggest, from sarah mclachlan to brand new to city and colour to lydia.  (most recently, i was in a very hipster mood, so she sent me a bunch of music i have yet to organize in a playlist, but once i do i'll post it).

yes, i suppose it helps that she works in the music industry, but she's generally just one of those people who love music.  and i'm not talking about the kind of love that most people have for music, or even the kind of love that i have for music (which may actually be a bit more personal than the average person).  music is like life to her.  i couldn't imagine her without it.  i don't think she could imagine her without it.

it also helps that she's not pretentious about it, either.  she'll listen to anything from bands i've definitely never heard of, to lady gaga and miley cyrus.  and for me that makes her all the more legit.  because music snobs kind of suck most of the time.

so to finish out what was started over a year ago when she began writing a twilight playlist (maybe because i begged her?  i don't remember the specifics), i wanted to post her latest playlist for breaking dawn.

**go here to get the playlists for twilight, new moon, and eclipse**

- pheonix - 1901 (getting the new car and telling everyone about the engagement)
- the temper trap - sweet disposition (segue to the night before the wedding)
- band of horses - is there a ghost (story/nightmare about the immortal children)
- the shins - the past and pending (the wedding)
- city and colour - sam malone (dance with jake)
- emanuel - make tonight (honeymoon)
- kings of leon - closer (more honeymoon)
- brand new - noro (bella and edward realize she's pregnant)

- city and colour - like knives (jake finds out about the pregnancy and edward tries to bargain with him)
- tv on the radio - wolf like me (wolfpack debates and splits up)
- underoath - the created void (jake's miserable around bella and leaves, and edward begins hearing nessie)
- interpol - pioneer to the falls (jacob's alone and realizes he needs to go back)
- 30 seconds to mars - the kill (bella goes into labor)

 - alberta cross - the thief and the heartbreaker (bella's death)
- coldplay - don't panic (introducing the new and improved vamp bella)
- far-less - to live (bella's first hunt)
- copeland - no one really wins (jake has imprinted on nessie)
- fair - blurry eyed (bella gets to hold her baby)
- death cab for cutie - summer skin (edward...and the cottage)
- deas vail - sunlight (bella and the cullens are all glittery, and she's finally happy)
- jack's mannequin - the resolution (things are happy, but still uneasy)
- the receiving end of sirens - wanderers (alice's vision, the volturi are coming)
- the juliana theory - do you believe me? (the gathering of witnesses and allies)
- doves - reprise (waiting for the volturi)
- bush - machinehead (the confrontation)
- radiohead - lucky (alice's return)
- snow patrol - same (our happy ending!)

new moon review!

overall? better.

i've been waiting to give my new moon movie review until i've seen the movie twice, since that's how long it took for the first one to really settle in with me.  i guess i'll just begin this review by saying first that i was really, really excited to see it on opening day.  i'd somehow managed to refrain from looking up every single iota of information and movie stills that leaked prior to the movie, and the lack of it all had me primed and ready to go.  unfortunately, as eager as i was to see the movie, with the first one being what it was i was also mentally preparing myself for a huge let down.

thankfully, for me, it didn't come.  here are my thoughts:

• the amount of beautiful boys in this movie is astounding.  that's all i have to say about that.
  
• who knew that kstew was that pretty?!  those scenes with her running through voltera?  i mean, she's really naturally beautiful, and i know i said this before, but she's completely started to embody who i picture bella to be in my mind.  my one complaint about her, or the way she portrays our heroine, however, is that she tends to blink and huff a lot throughout the film.  while i like it at times because it sort of reinforces whatever feeling she's going through, it got kinda irritating after a while.
• people who say money doesn't matter have never seen a low budget movie.  because twilight was low budget, my friends.  new moon, on the other hand, was not.  and it was either that or the change of director that made all the difference in the world.  i no longer felt that the movie rushed through the book, or that a pivotal scene was just not what it should have been.  the filming was a higher quality, the make-up and costuming was better, i could go on and on but one of the better shots had to be of the pack chasing victoria through the woods while bella was preparing to cliff dive.
  
• i like how, all of a sudden, edward's shiny silver volvo has turned into a shiny black volvo suv.
• dear jacob (and the rest of the pack): please keep your shirts off.  love, every girl in america.
• there are still some cheesy lines in there.  it wouldn't be twilight without them.  but there were fewer, or maybe they were just better camouflaged.  and unlike the first movie, there were actually really good lines in this one too.  my favorite has got to be bella's heartfelt plea with jacob to not make her choose between  him and edward because, "it'll be him.  it's always been him."
• my pet peeve of the movie: the fact that everyone kept referring to the quileute boys as werewolves.  i realize it's a small thing, but am i insane or did the books not make the distinction between wolves and werewolves?
• the chemistry between bella/kstew and jacob/taylor lautner is undeniable.  and while i'm a firmly entrenched team edward gal, i appreciated that this movie made me almost wish i was team jacob.  because that's what new moon is supposed to do, you know?  you're supposed to fall for jake and become just as conflicted as bella is.  this movie sets up eclipse quite nicely in that sense.
• once again, the music was great.  not as great as K.'s new moon playlist, but nearly there.  nearly.
• jessica is such a great portrayal of your classic frienemy.  and she's just so funny.  i missed the supporting cast in this movie a little, but since they weren't really in the book very much, that's understandable.  the scene with jessica, and the other with mike, were great though.  added just enough comic relief without making the movie stupid.
  
• i sort of liked the addition of the letters to alice.  i realize that they're a vehicle for moving the story along, and making sense of bella's voice over's, but i liked that they were letters to alice and not edward, and that it helps you to believe the closeness of bella's friendship with her.
• finally, i have to commend chris weitz on keeping so true to the book and on really making some very smart choices with both lines and direction.  there was so much less of those "wait, this wasn't in the book," or "that wasn't supposed to happen like that!" moments in new moon than there was in twilight, and i loved that about it.  i have to say i'm a little worried about eclipse, now that we've seen both a not-so-great twilight movie, and a great twilight movie.  with yet another new director, who knows how it'll turn out?  particularly since this director once said he'd rather be shot than even watch twilight (which he later apologized for and recanted, obviously.  and no, i don't care if that's understandable.).  he's just such an...edgy?...sort of filmmaker that i worry he really won't care about staying close to the books.  that being said, i'm all for giving him the benefit of the doubt.  and who knows, maybe i'll like it even if he doesn't stay close to the books...eclipse wasn't my favorite anyway.  :)
  

on books, and writing, and writing books

let me be the first to say that NaNoWriMo is not easy.  it's been less than a week and i'm already behind.  and, boy let me tell you, being behind is not where you want to be.  but the beginning is always the hardest, i think.  and the words are starting to come easier.  i think the more i continue to tell myself that my sentences don't need to be perfect, and my description doesn't need to be exact, the easier it gets.  so while it's been stressful trying to catch up word-wise, it's also been fun. 

and i've also learned something interesting about myself and my writing: i need to see things.  for example, today i tried to write a description about the house that the heroine lives in.  and i'm sitting there thinking, and thinking and thinking.  and then i get my sketch pad out.  two ours later i have drawn out a blue print of the house, upstairs and downstairs.  all of a sudden, i can write it.  because i can see it.

so even if i don't make the 50,000 words -- and i will -- i think this month will be great for my writing and just...me in general.  wish me luck!

and because i've got books on the brain, i wanted to post these beautiful reprints of the penguin classics i saw while browsing around on black *eiffel.  so now, not only can you read and be intelligent, but you can do so in some serious style.  i'm pretty sure they're available at anthropologie, urban outfitters, and, of course, amazon.

thoughts on a novel

i've always been a voracious reader. it's difficult to really remember a time when books didn't interest me. i've just always loved them. i love the telling of the story. i love the voices of the characters and the description of places i've never seen and, perhaps outside of the page, will never see. i've been trying to figure out lately how it is that i "read" a book.

i mean, what sound does the written word make in my head? whose voice is it when it's not the dialogue's or narrator's? even now, as i sit in bed writing this blog post, and i'm reading over words i myself have just written, it's hard for me to hear the voice that plays them back to me. once i concentrate on it, it changes to fit whatever or whoever it is i'm consciously thinking about.

and aside from my obsession with the chatter of my internal monologue, i've been noticing that i'm much more of a dialogue person than i once though. i mean, i love a good description, but once i've got the look of a room or a road or a forest in my head, i tend to just skip over other descriptive passages and head straight for the conversation. and i let it play out in my head the way it would naturally, organically. then, if it doesn't quite work in my own imagination for some reason or the other, i take hints from the author.

it's a strange way to read a book.

and it's almost impossible to do with harry potter.

i've been re-reading harry potter and the half-blood prince and harry potter and the deathly hallows again. finished them both just this passed week and am completely obsessed once more. i mean, you all thought i liked twilight? it doesn't even come close to my deep love and appreciation for j.k. rowlings and her hogwarts universe. like twilight, i came in to harry potter later in the game than those in the know, but early enough not to be considered among those living under rocks. by the time i picked up on the frenzy, the fourth book was just about to be released (again, like twilight). i was at the public library one day during a school break and picked up the first book. then made my mother drive me the half hour back into town the next day to borrow the next two. i can't remember her being more irritated with me and my reading habits than she was when i discovered harry potter. i read non-stop. i read all day, all night, i read at the dinner table, in the car, wherever, whenever.

it was amazing. a whole new world. and the details! how can one person come up with so many small details? how can so many small details be so integral to a book? it's impossible to concentrate on voices when you're so engrossed in the story line. it's impossible to skip over passages after you realize that what you once thought was a mundane description has become the lynch-pin of the entire book. that is what makes for great story telling. when you can't fill in the blanks for yourself. when you don't want to.

these are the things that i'm thinking of as i consider how to take the leap and begin a novel. i've been putting it off. chances are, i'll continue to put it off (because i'm scared i'll write it and it won't be any good?), but i'm trying not to.

music as promised

because of finals and The Big Move, and family in town and the start of barbri, i wasn't able to make good on my promise to put up the eclipse playlist earlier. i actually didn't even get it from K. until this week because things have been so hectic (i've had no routine, and therefore have only been online once in a great while).

but with no further ado, here is the awesomeness that is another K. playlist, this time for eclipse:

- as tall as lions: where do i stand (jacob writing letters)
- athlete: tourist (realizing highschool is almost over, trip to FL)
- city & colour: what makes a man? (visiting jake, arguing over edward)
- the honorary title: everything i once had (rosalie)
- anberlin: dismantle.repair (acoustic) (jacob, my jacob)
- mute math: you are mine (reconciliation)
- the snake, the cross, the crown: hot anger, soon cold (things missing)
- mewithoutyou: world am i! (and shadow) (bonfire with the pack)
- biffy clyro: love has a diameter (graduation, persuasion)
- frou frou: breathe in (bride to be)
- cursive: the recluse (jasper)
- far-less: surprise funeral (for the charmed) (they may not all survive)
- city & colour: day old hate (watching jacob sleep)
- death cab for cutie: we looked like giants (graduation)
- silverchair: world upon your shoulders (training)
- snow patrol: open your eyes (engagement)
- lydia: ...ha yeah it got pretty bad (camping in the snow)
- alexisonfire: you burn first (the fight)
- bon iver: the wolves (act I and II) (jacob recovering)
- death cab for cutie: translatlanticism (bella makes her decisions)
- barcelona: please don't go (jake)

my favorites are probably obvious: death cab, city & colour, barcelona, lydia. it's funny how i was pretty territorial about songs - i didn't want my favorites to be used on the jake storyline. i got over it, 1) because the songs fit, and 2) because of the preview (lol). what can i say, maybe i am shallow after all? :)

because you knew it was coming

drool. and laugh a little. but drool, definitely.

THE TWILIGHT SAGA: NEW MOON trailer


p.s. um...hi taylor lautner's pecks. my name is kahea.

because i haven't done a twilight post in a while

here are some bullets for ya:

• got the dvd last week. special features are all right, and seem better when you can kill flight time by watching them on the plane. i've also decided that the best scene in the movie is when they're playing iron & wine at the prom.
• watching the dvd made me want to read the book again. it was strange though, because it wasn't the same as the first or second time, you know? i guess i'm reading it for details now, rather than the story. and i can put it down this time, which is actually refreshing.
• i found a really fun new blog over at free and flawed. that in and of itself doesn't have anything to do with twilight, but she did write this really funny piece for guidespot.com on the books, entitled "why your girlfriend shouldn't read/see twilight" which you can find here.
• i was in washington this past weekend for M. and J.'s beautiful wedding in sequim. we drove to forks and la push for the hell of it. it rained, snowed, hailed, and cleared up in the hour and a half drive there, which is typical of washington and almost endearing at this point. forks, as we all know, is just your average, small logging town on the peninsula, though it does now have a very busy, thriving "dazzled by twilight" shop kept afloat by a constant influx of teenage girls in "team edward" shirts. there's also a tour you can take, complete in a black twilight tour bus, to see all the sites mentioned in the book. i did not take the tour, for those who are worried/wondering. but because i'm constantly looking for new ways of torturing N., i did consider it. what else is a girlfriend to do, after all?
  
• la push is absolutely beautiful, and it gave me the opportunity to see the sign announcing that travelers are now on the quileute res, thereby putting them on notice that they're under tribal law (i understand that this is only interesting to me, since i work in indian law, so don't feel bad if you're like, "what?").
• for those of you living under a rock, you should definitely check out some of the highpoints in rpatz' GQ shoot.
  
• my bff is currently busy working on her eclipse playlist. if i haven't made this clear already, she makes AWESOME playlists, mainly because she has the best taste in music of anyone i've ever met. she's already made a twilight playlist, and a new moon playlist. she's amazing. i'm going to go ahead and say that hers were better than the actual soundtrack, but i may be biased because i love her, and i love a lot of the bands she used.

and just for fun, here are a few pics from my pilgrimage:

the sign that everyone by now knows and loves, and the infamous bus. for just $30 a head, you too can sit on this bus and drive around forks, instead of just taking your own car even though it's impossible to get lost in forks!



this is the sign i was talking about. (and yes, jacob is supposedly quileute).

the beautiful la push. the res school is down near the beach, and i couldn't help thinking that i would never get any work done with this in my backyard.

is it wrong to find this funny?

i've been going back and forth on whether or not to post this. i decided to do it by first asking, what would you consider "your kind of humor"? do you like slapstick, satire, sarcastic (and why do they all start with "s"?), or some other type?

for me, my humor is sort of all over the place. most times i'd say i prefer sarcasm and self-deprecation. i don't always get satire, which would probably be why (and don't hate me) i usually don't care for the daily show with jon stewart (though, oddly enough, i've starting really loving the colbert report). i'm definitely not a slapstick humor kind of person. "dumb and dumber" went straight over my head.

i bring this up because a few weeks ago, B. and i were browsing around borders, killing time before our afternoon class, and we stumbled upon tucker max's "i hope they serve beer in hell". we paged through it, and i swear to God, i never wanted to laugh so hard at something so horrible in my life.

i mean, it's terrible. truly, honest-to-God terrible. he's out there having what seems to be both highly discriminating and altogether indiscriminate sex with women, and then writing about his most craziest ventures. he's drinking and talking inordinate amounts of crap about people. the book seems almost certainly degrading towards women, it's vulgar, it would never be something you bring up in polite conversation, it begs the question of whether all of these out of control stories could possibly be true...but it's hilarious.

and i've been trying to work out why this sort of humor has so uncharacteristically appealed to me. i think i've realized that it's just so unapologetic, and like it or not, the guy can write and entertaining narrative.

he is also a law school graduate, and i find that even more funny. here's some of what he's said (which can be found in his FAQ section) about that whole experience:

Question: What is your job? Do you work as a lawyer?

I am a best-selling author, which makes me a writer. I also wrote and produced a movie, which makes me a screenwriter and a movie producer. Of course I don't work as a lawyer, I don't hate myself.

Question: If you aren't working as a lawyer, why did you get your JD?

I made a mistake going to law school. There was a time in my life that I thought I wanted to be a lawyer, but I was terribly mistaken. I didn't know that you had to give up your soul to work in that field.

that being said, i was wondering what others who may have read his stuff have thought. did it make you laugh, or did it just disgust you? could you see past the utter insult and humiliation, or was it just too much? if you're a woman and found it funny, how did that make you feel?

if you haven't it yet, i guess i'll do my civic duty and warn you. it will not meaningfully enrich you life, i can almost promise you that. and it may make you think less of me as well. to answer my own questions: yes, it made me laugh (a lot), but it was that sort of embarrassed, i-shouldn't-find-this-funny laugh, and it disgusted me as well. no, i couldn't see past the insult and humiliation, but apparently that didn't stop me from being completely curious as to what he got up to next. and as a woman, i was outraged at first, until i realized that these women he's sleeping with are consenting adults (most of the time...there's a story where he doesn't tell the girl he's filming them, and that's sort of wrong...which he realizes), and these stories are as much his as they is theirs.

for those who aren't going to heed the warning, and are just curious, he's posted some of his stories on his blog, which can be found here.

taking cues from bartleby

today in my law and literature class (yes, i'm taking a class during my last semester of law school entitled "law and literature," in which we read books such as Oedipus, Saint Joan, Bleak House, and The Trial), we were discussing Bartleby the Scrivener by Melville, and the discussion took us to an interesting place i thought i'd share.

in this book, the attorney hires on bartleby as a scrivener in his office. things are going well for the first few days, and then, on the fourth day, the attorney asks bartleby to examine a document (which is the job of the scrivener) and bartley simply says, "i prefer not to."

the attorney is shocked and dismayed initially, but comes up with many varied reasons why bartleby would take such a departure from his usual head-in-the-books type of work ethic, and eventually just excuses him. unfortunately, this "i prefer not to" response becomes a trend to the point where bartleby is simply not working at all. the other scriveners in the office are getting upset, and the attorney finally attempts to fire bartleby and get him to vacate the offices. to this, bartleby says (predictably) "i prefer not to."

long story short, the attorney ends up moving his office to another location because bartleby (who has begun living in the office, and refuses the attorney's offer to come home with him) just won't leave, nor will he do any work. and when he still doesn't leave even after new tenants move in, the tenants call the police and have him arrested. the attorney visits bartleby in prison a few times and learns that he "prefers not" to eat anything, and eventually the attorney finds him dead by starvation. it's a lot...bleaker than how i'm describing it, but bartleby irritated me throughout the entire book so there you go.

in class, we were presented with the obvious question of "what is bartleby trying to tell us?" and the suggestion was presented that he exemplifies moral choice in a world where we have become obsessed with procedure. more specifically (and personally for those of us in the class), bartleby is pointing out the attorney that he (the attorney) has lost all contact with humanity. his life is his job, and his job consists of procedure he oversees in offices which have windows facing brick walls or air vents. he totally cuts himself off from the rest of common humanity for his job. the people he employ are no longer people, but have become nicknames like "nappers" and "ginger nut". he comes to work, and goes home just to wait until he can come back the next morning. he never discusses family or hobbies or life really.

bartleby represents the anti-attorney. he represents the humanity we lose to our ambition, our jobs, our careers.

and this realization led our class to begin discussing what law school has "done" to all of us. how, after our first year of school we found it hard to hold normal conversations with people in social settings and not discuss civil procedure, or that crazy case we read in crim, or how our contracts professor may actually be crazy. our relationships suffered. and i mean suffered. and most interesting to me was that a girl spoke up about how, this past summer, she decided that she wasn't going to get a legal position. instead, she got an internship with her "dream job". and found that she had changed so much because of law school that she couldn't function outside of a legal position. she wanted to treat her supervisor with the calm, cool, competent collection we treat managing partners with. she can't tap in to her creativity and ends up writing things that are rule-based when there are no rules. she doesn't get along with her fellow interns because they don't speak the legal language she's so used to communicating in.

and it just struck me, i guess. first as sad, because it pointed out that a lot of us sitting around that classroom (and a lot of my friends in general) have a dream job. and that dream job is most often not a practicing attorney. it's usually something creative or flexible and less demanding. and when we put that aside (for what we think will only be a little while) to establish ourselves and make the money that seems to be so necessary in our society, according to bartleby we're actually losing ourselves as well. but this conversation also made me thankful. thankful that i blog and i write somewhat regularly. that i exercise my creative muscle. and that i've more or less realized (before embarking upon a career) that i don't want to be a practicing attorney. because this means that maybe i haven't lost it, you know?

or heck, maybe bartleby is just full of it.

vampire mania

so my bff twittered something earlier today (has twitter been verbed yet?) that i'm 100% sure she knew i would freak out about. here's the link.

my (very erratic and over-the-top) thoughts: now, for some reason or the other, i have always been obsessed with books about vampires and witches and werewolves, etc. (although, oddly enough, i could never really get into anne rice...maybe i'll try again?). and that obsession is reflected in my writing as well. most of my ideas and stories are in some way, shape or form about one of (or all of) those three things. fairies fascinate me. myth and legend grab me. forbidden love, magical powers, morality and crossed lines. they all have absolutely wrecked me for many other genres. what can i say, i love and live for fantasy.

so when i found l.j. smith in the seventh grade, i died. it was like finding a treasure chest where my friends and i could just get lost and stay lost for as long as we wanted. we came up with cast lists, soundtracks, fanfics, you name it, we did it. the secret circle. night world. the forbidden game. and yes, the vampire diaries.

so last fall, when my sister visited me and spent practically the ENTIRE time she was here reading a stupid book called twilight, i was like "what the hell, man?!" and then she told me i had to read it.

i'm going to be honest right now and say that i had absolutely no desire to ever pick up twilight. i thought that it was going to be absolute crap, and i had already read the best teen vampire romance books ever written, and why would i ever waste my time betraying my loyalty to l.j. smith for this new author i knew nothing about? (yes, i've always taken books extremely and dramatically seriously). in fact, i bought a copy and then let it collect dust on my desk for months before i was finally so bored one friday afternoon, had had enough of both my sister and my bff telling me i needed to get my ass in gear and read it, didn't want to start another book that i KNEW i wouldn't be able to put down (which would screw my entire weekend), and so picked up my copy of twilight...and fell in love all over again.

so now i've made room for stephenie meyer and her imagination in my very exclusive little vampire world. she's in good company.

BUT THEN, the CW apparently announces that they're going to be making a tv show out of the vampire diaries?! shut the front door. now i have to worry about real casting, and know that there's a good chance the music will suck, and wonder how they're going to change/ruin a perfectly good forbidden love triangle story. and, come on, the only reason the kiddies today even know about the vampire diaries is because of twilight, right? so now people will compare edward to stefan. they'll compare bella to elena. and really, who could they possibly cast for stefan that would be better than robert pattinson?!

AND, i just realized five minutes ago that there's a new installment of the vampire diaries that came out TODAY. after 17 years! so now i'm excited and flustered. this is a crazy day.

lol. i'm sorry for those of you who don't really know me personally, because i sound completely insane in this post. but just try and imagine your favorite book series when you were a pre-teen, and you thought it was over. then you realize that, not only is the author continuing the series, but it's being made into a tv show! hell, imagine if, 10 years down the line, stephenie meyer decides to add more books on after breaking dawn, when you thought it was all happy ever after and it's not. that's exactly how i feel right now.

some not so clear thoughts

so how do we feel about the idea of things being relative?

in one of my classes this week we've been discussing "oedipus rex" (doesn't that make me sound like i'm in undergrad all over again?), and today we focused on the very obvious theme of fate versus free will. it seems that with this play sophacles is trying to convey some absolute truths to his viewers/readers, namely that there are some things that are just flat out wrong. his examples of these absolute wrongs are, of course, killing your father, sleeping with your mother, and defying the gods. (this is not to say that sophacles wasn't trying to make his reader sympathetic to oedipus. that is, after all, the great conflict and tragedy of the story. but nevertheless, his choice of dilemma does say something about his own beliefs, i feel).

and this recognition of these supposed absolute truths spurred a discussion about whether or not these are in fact absolute truths. whether or not, for that matter, there are any such thing as an absolute truth.

now i, for one, have always generally held a belief that there are some things that are relative. i just can't help but think that we, as people who have different lives, minds and experiences, will view things differently and so those things are, therefore, not absolute. thus, what may be for me an absolute truth (i.e. capital punishment makes us too much like those we are trying to punish), certainly may not be an absolute truth for everyone else.

but today i was posed with the question of whether or not the belief in relativity is simply a cop-out. do we use the excuse of things being "relative" to avoid the uncomfortable situation where we have to firmly stand by and defend our beliefs? do we use it to mask the fact that our beliefs may have no greater foundation than the fact that they are ours? (but, to that extent, isn't something like belief/faith alone enough reason to find something to be an absolute truth?).

i find this happens most as a christian living in a not always christian-friendly area of the country. what i may hold as my absolute truths as a christian, i recognize is definitely not what many others hold to be remotely true (and you learn very quickly that expressing your belief in this absoluteness can get you labeled, many times, incorrectly). does that make truth relative? is there no absolute truths then, in the entire world? does a belief in absolute truths make us fundamentalists? is being a fundamentalist necessarily a bad thing?

i'm sorry, this is such a convoluted post. i can't wrap my head around this topic, and if i tried, i'd write an entire book on it, so i'm just going to stick with this. i'd love to hear your thoughts though! they may help me sort out my own.

i promise to post some fluff this weekend and get away from the hum-drum dreariness of my recent posts.

oh, sophacles.

do you believe in reincarnation?

a good read. not as good as some of the reviews claimed, but interesting nonetheless.

so i think i picked up this book because the most recent book by m.j. rose, "the memorist," was reviewed by cosmo or vogue or glamour or something and given pretty good marks. since "the reincarnationist" came first, and it sounded more interesting to me, i thought i'd give it a shot.

now, initially, two comments about the book caught my eye.

• "One of the most original and exciting novels I've read...I'm sick with envy I didn't think of it myself." - Douglas Preston

i've never read anything by Douglas Preston, but i've always thought that this is one of the highest compliments anyone can pay an author. i've felt it myself often enough. come to think of it, harry potter is a prime example of a story i wish to God i had written. not because of whatever wealth the author may get from book sales or movie rights (because i've actually wished i wrote books that i don't think anyone else on the planet ever read), but more because the ideas are so...thorough. i've said it about lotr as well. these authors created worlds. who does that?!

• "Tale of intrigue that's more believably plotted and better meets its ambitions than Dan Brown's ubiquitous book." - Publishers Weekly

and that right there is a fine example of why i don't put much stock in any sort of reviews, whether they be for books, movies, or tv shows. i'm sorry, as good as this book was (and it was), it was not better than dan brown's work. and i'm not just saying that because i'm rereading "angels and demons" next. lol. dan brown's books are some of the best plotted mystery/suspense books i've ever read. okay, maybe that's an exaggeration, but not by much!

that's not to say that i didn't enjoy "the reincarnationist." after all, it's along the same lines of "the da vinci code" and "angels and demons." as always, it's about a historical cover-up of magnificent religious proportions. in this case, a reporter has "lurches" in which he's sort of taken into a trance-like state and experiences past lives. in one of those past lives, he's a temple priest in ancient rome at the time christianity is beginning to be the "encouraged" religion of the masses. he falls in love with one of the temple priestesses, and she's buried alive for breaking her vow of celibacy (she's sort of like a high-powered nun of the old religion). the priest and priestess plot a scheme in which he'll save her before she runs out of air, but the plan is foiled, they both die, and now his spirit has come back as the reporter to right the wrong that was done way back then. during all this, it comes out that the priestess was guarding some magic "memory stones" which the church wants hidden and about a million rich people and art collectors want to own. so an archeologist finds the tomb where the priestess was buried alive, the stones are found, the reporter starts regressing way more than usual as the story unfolds, and people start dying.

but who's the killer?

there are other plot twists and turns, but that's the gist.

now, i love stories of reincarnation, especially if coupled with historical religious drama and a love tragedy. but for some reason, parts of this book just didn't flow for me. i guess i just wasn't particularly convinced of the love between the priest and priestess, or that the church was really that hell-bent on keeping this a secret. and that's another thing! unlike dan brown's books, we find out the "secret" of this book at the very beginning! the entire rest of the book seems very anti-climactic in comparison.

so in light of all this, i'm currently debating whether or not to read "the memorist." the story line doesn't grab me as much (i think it's about a composer rather than religious persecution), and i'm worried that i'll just be...well, bored.

but i can't get it out of my head now so i may just read it to satisfy my curiosity. and just as a side note, i totally need a bigger bookshelf...

Happy Christmas!

i don't know why, but i've always thought that the british way of saying "happy christmas" instead of "merry christmas" sounded better, so i'm trying it out.

But given where i am, i guess i should say Mele Kalikimaka instead!

also, in terms of a very short book review:

very interesting.

K. had suggested i read this book a few months ago and i finally found the time to do it. it took me about a day off and on, and i've been trying to decide what i think of the book every since i finished it.

the book is written in a series of letters that this high school freshman boy, Charlie, sends to an unidentified reader throughout the school year, and through these letters we get to experience Charlie's life. he's an awkward kid with great taste in music (this occurs in the 90's, so it's a lot of the smith's and nirvana, etc.), and an apparently astounding IQ. he reads and writes and smokes and drinks, and he's in love with his best friend, Sam (a girl).

i just spent the passed 15 minutes writing up my thoughts on this book and what happens and what Charlie goes through and how he grows, etc., and then deleted it all. it makes no sense for me to try and explain this book. there's just too much going on, and definitely too much to take in. let's just say i like the book and think you should give it a shot. it's one of those books where, if you don't like it in the first few pages, you won't like the entire thing, so at least you'll be able to figure it out quicky and decide whether to finish it or not!

today's obsession

Really good, though it may not be for everyone.

I think I can understand why this book isn’t necessarily for everyone. It was suggested to me by a close friend who said I would immediately connect with the author (at least, the bit of the author that my friend had already read about – she wasn’t yet a third of the way through the book), and at the same time I was warned off it by another friend who said it would get too almost . . . “new-agey” for me. And by new-agey I mean my own stereotypical ideas of how hippies generally act/feel about life.

And in their own ways, both friends were right. I both loved the book and sometimes felt that I needed to step back and take a grip on “reality” once again. So, yes, I can definitely see how this book is not necessarily for everyone.

But I would, and probably will in short order, read it again. As I do.

I guess I’ll tackle this review in three parts, since that’s the way the book was written.

Italy – Pleasure

As M. promised, I immediately connected with the Liz in Italy. In fact, I connected so much, that I had to actually stop reading this book for a while (read: a month) before picking it up again [when I was in a frame of mind where I would not burst into uncontrollable tears after every page]. In her section on Italy, Liz takes you through what may be the most powerful part of the book, for me, and it lasts maybe three pages. It’s the disintegration of her marriage. For those who have been following me this passed semester, you may get why this section is particularly meaningful to me. For those of you who haven’t been, let’s just say that, over the past few months it’s been like someone – or something – has taken my entire life plan and been like, “well, you were just kidding right? This can’t really be what you want, is it? No . . .” And, for a while, I was a veritable a mess because of it. So my favorite passage in all of the Italy section occurs on page 12, where Liz finds herself, once again, on the bathroom floor of her perfect house, in the middle of yet another night in her perfect life with her perfect husband and perfect career, and she says,

“The many reasons I didn’t want to be this man’s wife anymore are too personal and too sad to share here . . . I also will not discuss here all the reasons why I did still want to be his wife, or all his wonderfulness, or why I loved him and why I had married him and why I was unable to imagine life without him. I won’t open any of that. Let it be sufficient to say that, on this night, he was still my lighthouse and my albatross in equal measure. The only thing more unthinkable than leaving was staying; the only thing more impossible than staying was leaving. I didn’t want to destroy anything or anybody. I just wanted to slip quietly out the back door, without causing any fuss or consequences, and then not stop running until I reached Greenland.”

There are, of course, wonderful passages from her actually being in Italy. Passages where she has eaten all the pasta, pizza (oh, I can’t tell you how much I want to try that perfect pizza from Naples), and gelato she can stomach. Italy, after all, is where Liz indulges in pleasure, and so eats her way through Rome in a fashion I can only envy and plan on doing myself one day. But for many reasons, that one passage from pg. 12, which began her entire journey across three continents, still stays with me after I’ve finished the entire book.

There’s so much more I could say about Italy. About how it’s the type of travel I want to do. It’s the type of freedom I want to have. It’s the type of wide-eyed fascination slash scary self-realization I want to experience. But this is only part of Liz’s story, so moving on.

India – Divine

Now, I was prepared to not like the section on India. For some strange reason on other, India is one of the few countries I’ve never really had a strong desire to see (which says something huge, since I probably have a desire to see every other country on the face of the Earth). Added to that, Liz’s mission in India was to find God, so going in I knew there would be a lot of talk about the divine self and (*here, I almost wrote “blah, blah, blah” but that just sounds so absolutely disrespectful that I can’t do it*) everything that comes with it. There would be lots of meditation and yoga and talk of transcendence and God living in our inner hearts and minds, and all that which I (and I admit this is my own ignorance and/or bias) relegate to hippies and new-agers.

So I was completely surprised to find out that I got through this section faster than Italy.

While I don’t agree with everything Liz says and feels about God (nor does she agree, she admits, with the one Christian tenant that is almost central to my beliefs, so I think we could safely and happily agree to disagree and still enjoy the each other’s stories), you can’t help but fiercely believe that this has happened to her, and that this is truth, and that this is beautiful and meaningful and sacred. And not all of it conflicts, either. She talks about prayer the way I wish my pastor growing up would teach about prayer. She talks about loving yourself and learning to do so in a way I wish some of my counselors would have talked to me about it. She discusses faith the way I understand faith to be. And she talks about God the way I want to understand God for myself.

It’s enough to make you want to find a Guru, go to an Ashram, and learn to meditate in silence for a week. Which I am probably incapable of doing. Meditation, that is. I’ve tried, once, and failed miserably. I also tried yoga once or twice, though for the physical health aspects rather than the spiritual. It wasn’t a hot success either. So it was sort of comforting to read the difficulties that Liz went through during her meditation exercises at the Ashram. And I also liked the . . . well, inclusiveness of it all. How meditation and yoga make room for so many different faiths and paths and beliefs. Even if the end-goal isn’t necessarily what I subscribe to, I can appreciate the journey.

I also enjoyed Richard from Texas and his realness in the face of it all.

Indonesia – Balance

Not sure how I felt about the section on Indonesia as a whole. It felt less cohesive than the rest, like there was less of a mission or goal to accomplish, though I know that Liz was seeking a balance between what she had found in both Italy and India. I just felt like both other countries were so purposeful, and then in Indonesia, she just sort of . . . went about life. Though I guess that’s one of the ways to find balance, isn’t it? Simply, live your life in balance as much as possible. I think I just felt that there was less of a change made here than there were in Italy and India. Indonesia was the culmination of a long year of change though, so the change was gradual rather than the life-affirming BAM! I guess I was looking for.

In Indonesia we see the result of all these months of self-reflection and reassessment. Her journey wasn’t a reinvention, but sort of a reawakening instead. She learned to accept the things in herself she used to find as limitations. She found that relationship both with herself and with God that she’d been starved for, and without which it seemed like her life was . . . well, out of balance.

So it probably says more about me than it does about the book that I preferred the drama and roller-coaster-ish nature of Italy, as well as the discovery of India, to the balance and eventual happiness in Indonesia.

It would be interesting to find out if this is just me, or if more people feel this way. So if you happen to read the book, let me know!

my mood tonight

this song manages to make me want to write and read at the same time. it's one of those songs that calls up vivid pictures and scenes and stories and characters. it's all i want to do in the world.

i was worried that i would never feel that push and pull need to write again. i'm so glad i do.

and oddly enough...well, let me ask this instead: do these lyrics remind anyone else of something?...

Eisley - Brightly Wound

It's happening all the time
When I open my eyes
I'm still taken by surprise
I hold sunlight and swallow fireflies
And it makes me want to cry...

I love you

And I shall never grow up
Make believe is much too fun
Can we go far away to the humming meadow?

We were walking there
And I had tangles in my hair
But you make me feel so pretty
You have shining eyes
Yes like the forest lights
And it makes me want to cry...

I love you

And I shall never grow up
Make believe is much too fun
Can we go far away to the humming meadow?

This place is so lovely
It kind of makes me very happy
Let's go far away to the humming meadow

To the humming meadow

hello december, it's been a while

it is officially the last month of what's probably been the most difficult year of my life. i've been waiting for december to arrive for a while now, and can only breathe a sigh of relief now that it's finally here.

what i'm looking forward to this month:

• going home, obviously! i'll be in hawaii from dec. 17th-30th this year, which will give me the much-needed vacation i've been looking forward to, and will allow me to get my fill of my boondock-y home town until next time.
• seeing my new niece for the first time! she's 6 months old and i haven't met her yet!
• playing with my nephew, who seems to realize his agency more and more each time i see him. why can't they stay 2 years old forever?
• christmas shopping! we need to stimulate our economy people! :)
  
• visiting with my grandparents. probably what i'm looking forward to most, even if it'll most likely mean playing hours upon hours of gin rummy. i miss them like absolute crazy. i've also been wanting to get my family history/stories out of my grandfather, so maybe i'll find time to video record him while i'm there.
• watching the bf bond with my dad over throw-netting and spear fishing. it'll be a sight to see, and i'm bringing my camera.
• reading. i've got a book list as long as my arm. see it on the right hand side of my blog.
  
• reclaiming the tan i've lost somewhere along the way.
• finally finishing my article! it's been months and months in coming, and it'll finally be ready for publication! woo!
• ending what's been the worst semester of my academic career.
• christmas! i love absolutely everything about christmas. i've got lists ready to go and cookies ready to bake.
• writing for fun. i plan on sitting on the patio and writing till my hands fall off.
• the beach. ohhhhh, the beach. ocean so blue it looks fake. sand so warm it burns your feet. *SIGH*
• hilo rain. i know this seems like the exact opposite from the last one, but the fact is that hilo is one of the rainiest places in the united states, with quillayute/forks, WA coming in next of course. it's just that it rains at night (every night). so you go to the beach during the day, then fall asleep to a storm. there's nothing like it.
• seeing some of the bffs for the first time since lehua's wedding in june. it's tradition to go to this italian place and order the same exact thing every single time.
• seeing my mom. i don't know if you can ever miss anyone the way you miss your mother.
  

just 17 days and counting!

happy december everyone!


also, and kind of randomly, i don't know if i've mentioned this before but i think the Lord of the Rings movies are some of my favorite movies ever, which is saying a lot considering how hard it is for me to pick a favorite anything. i decided this over the weekend, since tbs has been playing the movies over and over, and we (meaning me, the bf, and the bf's bff) have been watching them. not only do those movies give me the opportunity to see new zealand again, which can't be discounted (my bf and i met and started dating while studying abroad in new zealand), but they are just ridiculously well-made films.

i've read the books (the hobbit through the silmarilian). i love the books. and i think the movies were such clever adaptations of one of the best stories ever written. i mean, tolkien created an entire world. how do you do that? it's amazing.

damn, now i need to add that series to the book list again...

and finally, i think bella's lullaby is growing on me. put it on repeat and it's great study music. still not sure if i like it as that specific song though...

note: i'm feeling particularly whiny tonight

so i've decided that this entire semester has pretty much been finals week. at least it feels like it has.

where have the weekends gone? where have those long, lovely days of taking long drives out to the coast, or going to the lake for a picnic, or reading a book that had absolutely nothing to do with legal ethics, gone?!

i want them baaaack!

yes, i'm whiny. and yes, it irritates me as well.

*sigh* i know, i know, i really shouldn't complain. i mean, aren't i really lucky to be where i am right now? how many kids from tiny villages on the big island of hawaii (where you're more likely to get addicted to crack or pregnant than you are to go to college) can say that they're almost at the end of the dark tunnel known as law school? how can i possibly complain that i got to go to high school at a very rich private school for free, got to go to college at the university of washington (which, for out-of-staters isn't exactly small potatoes), got to study abroad, and then got to go to law school on full scholarship?!

where do i get off complaining?



but seriously? i want those days baaaaaaaack!!!

okay, okay, okay, i'm done with that mess for the night. i'm lucky. i'm lucky. i'm lucky....

so being the lucky girl that i am, i've been working pretty much all weekend, in case it wasn't obvious by the whinage. i have a legal ethics presentation to give on tuesday on the ethical dilemmas facing in-house counsel. it's both frustratingly complicated, and outrageously boring in equal parts. i want to just add that professional responsibility is not a joke in the legal field, despite what it may seem like. proof? i've also been spending my weekend studying for the MPRE (multistate professional responsibility exam), which is sort of part of the bar in california. i totally don't think i'd have to do this if i were taking the bar in washington, but that's neither here nor there at this point. the exam's in 2 weeks (count 'em, TWO) and this saturday was the first time i actually spent some meaningful hours studying. unfortunately, as a result of being inundated with all this ethical crap (haha), i have NOT finished my memo for work on sovereign immunity, nor have i read a thing for fed. indian law tomorrow, NOR have i finished reading my depositions for trial practice!

i know i say this a lot? (yes, i meant to make that sound like a question. isn't that so high school?) but there is never enough time.

the best thing about this weekend? i purchased albums from both Fair and City & Colour. go buy them. right now, drop everything you are doing, run to your nearest borders (i'm a borders nut, don't really like barnes for some weird reason), and buy them. soooo good.

i've been trying to come up with a playlist that has my favorite mellow-introvertish-i-don't-want-to-call-it-depressing-because-it's-not songs on it (inspired by, and in response to, a fellow blogger who published a great list herself), but haven't had time. and i also feel that if i playlist those songs (did i just turn "playlist" into a verb?), then i should also playlist my favorite up-beat-listen-to-while-i'm-cleaning happy songs. and i definitely haven't had time for that. so alas, they'll have to wait for a bit. but go get Fair and City & Colour! i'm a fan!

oh, and finally i guess, i think i just had a complete blonde moment today. like, more so than any other day when i'm totally not with it. i was talking to a friend today and she mentioned how her favorite thing about the twilight books is how they model classical pieces of literature. now, i realized while reading the books that the characters often talked about the classics and critiqued the actions of those literary heroes or villains, etc., but i guess i just never realized that it was an overarching theme. it sort of makes the books cooler for me. so can someone tell me what the first book was? for twilight? because new moon = romeo and juliet, eclipse = wuthering heights, and i think breaking dawn = merchant of venice and midsummer night's dream. anyway, that was just a random thought.

is it just me or did i use an inordinate amount of parentheses in this post?