When I'm having a particularly bad day -- like today -- I've started trying to make a habit of celebrating the good things that are happening around me, regardless of how crappy I feel. This may seem a little schizophrenic, but generally what I'm celebrating are things that have been happening not to me, but to the world I live in or to those I care about. I think somewhere along the way, my world view has become a little too narrow for comfort. Whether this is a result of living in a self-indulgent society, going through a quarterlife crisis, or just being a selfish person is anyone's guess -- although I really hope it's not the latter. In any case, I feel like I don't often show enough that I care about those around me or how much their lives affect me in good ways, and I have a sneaking suspicion that if I took the spotlight off of myself for more than just a second on a daily basis, I'd find plenty of things to celebrate.
So in a shocking departure from the norm, I wanted to share a couple of things that have made me want to throw impromptu dance parties at various, and mostly inappropriate, places and times lately:
One of my best friends got engaged a few months ago and just recently asked me to be a bridesmaid! Since then our chats have been full of pewter and midnight blue, v-neck or strapless, tea-length or floor, heels, wedges, flowers, venues, deposits and guest lists. I've known her since we were 12, we went through high school together, lived with one another through college, and I still have a hard time believing that she'll be a wife soon. She is the raspberry cocktail to my diet coke, the friend I swear I've known in a past life, the girl who fills my memory when I think of some of the funniest moments in my life. I smile when I imagine her wedding day, how happy she'll be, how much fun she'll have, and knowing that I get to play a part in her day is just gravy. So I'm celebrating you, Ku'u!
Another of my best friends swears that when her personal life takes a hit, her professional life soars through the roof. And though I say she's better off without The Douche anyway, I have to admit that she's got a point because she is kicking so much ass at her job right now! Currently, she's working at an indie record label and rubbing elbows with people I listen to on my iPod (yeah, I'd hate her if I didn't love her), and things just keep getting better. Now, her dream job has always been to be involved in A&R -- to work that closely with bands and to support both them and the label in reaching their goals while listening to music she absolutely loves. And about a week ago, after sending out several emails to various bosses about maybe getting a shot at doing just that...her chance has come around! She is officially the A&R person for an awesome band who may also just be the nicest guys on earth. So congratulations, Ka'imi! You are just as amazing as we always knew you'd be, and you're giving me reason to celebrate! Dance party!
I hope you all find reasons to celebrate as well, even if they have little to do with you and a lot to do with those you love. And if you find that, like me, your bad days are only made worse by the fact that nothing in your life seems right or fair or like "it's going the way it's supposed to," try taking a step outside of your head. You may be surprised at how you feel when you come on back.
a few weeks ago, N. and i threw a decades party to celebrate our birthdays, having some friends in town, and life in general. here are a few of the highlights:
there just doesn't seem to be anything quite like friends!
like most women i know, i loved the movie "julie & julia". not only is amy adams one of my favorite famous people, but meryl streep and stanley tucci are a couple of the best actors of our era. meryl streep in particular is just...timeless. the movie was extremely well made and, though i haven't read the book its based off of yet, i don't feel like a lot of short cuts were taken in the storyline. from costuming to location to food imagery to script, i loved it all.
so it's no surprise really that when N. and his best friend asked that the lovely M. and i cook them dinner for a change this weekend, there really wasn't a question: we were going to go as julia child-esque as possible.
and so "the M./K. project" was born.
on the menu: tournedos sautes au poivre et champignons, petits choux au fromage, and reine de saba. or, in plain english, filet mignon with a mushroom sauce, cheese puffs, and chocolate almond cake with chocolate butter icing. we also served an antipasti platter and roasted vegetables. and lots and lots of wine. like, buckets of it.
so first of all, we started the evening off with a simple store-bought antipasti platter (salami, prosciutto, bread, havarti, brie, and something like a chorizo tapenade that, along with some guacamole, was provided by the boys), and the cheese puffs. these cheese puffs are super simple to make and a complete crowd pleaser, unless you're me and soon figure out that you don't actually like cheese puffs. but with the help of a kitchenaid mixer and about 20lbs of butter (it is julia, after all), they're a quick starter that impressed our guests when they realized we made them. (tip: they're really good with the chorizo tapenade)
the roasted veggies are sort of self-explanatory, and even someone with me and M.'s limited kitchen abilities can make them. we chose carrots, parsnips, potatoes and onions, drizzled them with olive oil, salt, pepper and garlic powder, and just roasted until soft. because we desperately needed a dish that wouldn't clog our arteries with lard.
also, and i don't know if i made it clear, but rockefeller was not bank rolling this shindig so those filet mignon's the tournedos recipe called for quickly became the much more affordable top sirloin. unfortunately, as we later learned, there is actually a damn good reason that filet mignon is about a thousand times more expensive than our rather economic choice: because, apparently, economy = tough. word to the wise my friends, unless you're planning on marinating those sirloins for hours (possibly days) on end, be prepared to work those jaw muscles a little more than usual. a good rule of thumb to keep in mind when staring blankly into your grocer's meat counter is that price really does matter, and the buttery-ness of the meat is directly proportional to the price.
tough meat aside, the main dish wasn't that bad. the steaks are covered in crushed peppercorns which made them sort of impossible for me to eat (i'm very sensitive to heat/spice -- though this near-disaster turned out okay when the boys showed up with a nice, fat piece of rib eye to grill!), but the mushroom sauce is to die for. it requires quite a bit (and by bit i mean almost a stick) of butter and cream, and a huge ball of fire that erupts from the sauce pan once you pour in your brandy and set a match to it, but that just makes it all the more yummy. careful though: we were quite a few bottles of wine into our evening and several hairs got singed in the process of burning off the alcohol.
speaking of alcohol, if it wasn't obvious from all of my previous references, drinking during the preparation of this meal is highly encouraged. it makes it all the more fun!
and now for the crowing glory: the much-anticipated chocolate and almond cake. ever since i saw that scene in "julie/julia" where julie and her husband are stuffing their faces with it, i wanted to make it and do the same. while i'm used to the simpler, let-me-pour-this-cake-mix-out-of-the-box-add-water-eggs-and-oil-mix-and-put-in-the-over recipes, this recipe wasn't that hard. the melted chocolate is really the part that sort of freaked me out at the beginning because well, who actually melts chocolate over a double boiler? all i can say is that those years of watching the food network finally paid off when i knew what a double boiler was without googling it, and i knew how to fold in whipped egg whites with relative superiority.
the cake, my friends, was awesome.
in the end, M. and i only needed a little bit of help from our more kitchen-acquainted friends and overall we feel pretty proud of ourselves. what i've learned about cooking in general is that it takes some time before you're comfortable enough to change recipes on the fly to suit your taste, but it's really something to look forward too. what i've learned about french cooking though, is that no matter how that movie makes it seem, it is not easy. but i'm up for practicing. until then, bon appetit!
i'm not going to say the "the jane austen book club" is my favorite movie (because it's not), but i will say that i kind of love it. aside from the fact that its a movie about lives paralleling fiction, which is always good, there's just some great lines in it. my favorite has to be prudie's (emily blunt) heartfelt, "high school's never over." it's just so true in so many cases.
i've been friends with K. over at the artist in the ambulance since i was twelve years old. we actually first met in the fifth grade when we were both part of this summer program called "explorations," during which kids spent a week in the dorms of what was to become my future high school, and learned more about hawaiian culture. my first memory of her is when we first arrived and were unloading our suitcases and bags from the bus. i saw this girl, and she was one of the few people from kauai, but i remember clearly that i thought she was really pretty and had a really cool billabong or quicksilver duffel bag. the things we remember!
anyhow, while she and i were friends in the seventh and eighth grade (it was pretty hard to be in a dorm with someone and not be friends with them), we generally ran in different crowds. i hung out with L. and a bunch of other friends, and she hung out with the more sporty, soccer-playing girls and the cute guys. it wasn't until high school, when groups started splitting and combining, that she and i found ourselves as 2 parts of a new 4-some. that 4-some has since also split, as high school cliches do, but K. and i have been friends ever since.
i think the moment, the exact moment i knew i'd have her in my life forever came when i was fifteen. a close family member had been in a really bad accident and was in a coma, and i'd been splitting my time between my dorm on campus and the icu at the hospital downtown. one weekend, i really wanted to go and see him, so i caught a ride with L., her boyfriend, his friend, and K. when we arrived at the hospital, K. decided to come with me. i don't know why, but she did. as if she knew i'd need her. when we got to the icu and walked into the room, i realized that his eyes were open. he'd woken up from his coma, but so much about him wasn't the same anymore. and even though it was a huge relief to know that he was awake and was going to live, it was devastating to know that his life, my life, our lives, were never going to be the same. we were in the elevator on our way out when i broke down and cried. it was the first time i had cried about the whole situation, and it was months in coming. and K. just stood there and hugged me. she didn't say anything, because there was nothing to really say. she was just there.
and she's been there ever since. for every single hard time i've had, for every up, for every down. one of her strongest qualities is that she's loyal. she's honest, possibly to the point of being brutally so sometimes, but she does it because she expects the same in return, because she considers it to be a mark of a true friend.
she expects a lot of her friends, and this is where she has contributed to making me a better person. i know that i've let her down in the past; there were times when i was too busy dealing with myself and my own issues to keep in touch, there were times when my ups seemed too important to deal with someone else's downs, there were times when i just took her for granted. and while she may say she doesn't give second chances, it's a lie, because she's given me chance after chance. thankfully, i think i've finally recognized it and learned.
friendships like these don't come around very often. i know i'm lucky. i talk to her more throughout the day over IM than i talk to the girl at the next desk at work. i've grown because of our friendship. i'm a better person, a better friend. i value people more, i give people the benefit of the doubt because she gave me the benefit of the doubt, and i try not to take my friends for granted anymore.
it's true, we grow leaps and bounds after high school. in the best cases, we shed our childish tendencies and become adults without becoming assholes. in the worst cases, we remain hung up on the many pitfalls of being a teenager and can never fully recover. but in some ways, in the most important ways, high school's never really over.
one of those ways is through our friendships. the ones i had in high school remain some of my best. my friendship with K. is one of them.
another writing prompt from the creative bloggers over at 20sw! this was actually a lot more difficult than i thought it would be!
The Prompt:
For each of the following people, choose 1 book, 1 song, and a brief piece of advice to leave them. Explain why you chose the pieces that you did.
2 close friends
2 family members
2 fellow bloggers
2 ex-friends/significant others
2 younger people in your life (10 or more years younger than you)
close friends:
N: you're in this category because you are my closest friend. you are my best friend. the song i'm including in your care package is the fray's "look after you", because this will be our first dance on our wedding night. i hear it, and i think of you. the book i'd like to give you is my "lord of the rings" trilogy, because you understand my need to re-read and re-watch things over and over, and you don't seem to mind sitting there while i do it. the one piece of advice i'd give you is this: you will never fully understand women. but that doesn't mean you should stop trying.
L. over in colorado: because i miss you so much sometimes, i'm sending you israel kamakawiwa'ole's "white sandy beach of hawaii". it makes me think of home, and when i think of hawaii, i think of you too. hope you always know that a part of you always stays in hawaii with a part of the quints. i'm not sure what sort of books you're reading these days, but i'm re-reading dan brown's "angels and demons" and am really enjoying it. since you're meandering your way through faith, i thought it would be a fun read for you too. and i think your fortune cookie will say: the physical distance between friends is really no distance at all.
family members:
my younger sister: for you, i'll send the divinyls' "i touch myself". strange, i know. but i'm sending it because i'm worried that, with all of the difficult changes you're facing in your life right now, you're not remembering to have enough fun. and if nothing else, this song is fun! i'll also send you elizabeth gilbert's "eat, pray, love". i can't honestly say that i think you'll enjoy it, but i do think you can get something out of it. and my advice to you is this, little sister: we are only as happy as we make ourselves. if you're not happy in your own skin, don't be afraid to make the necessary changes until you are. take chances. that's what life is about.
my oldest step sister: in your care package would go carrie underwood's "so small", because the message is something i think you could relate to better than most. in terms of a book, i would most likely include haunani-kay trasks "from a native daughter". this book changed the course of my life. it taught me how important the work i could do may be, and it also showed me that i can disagree with theories but still agree with principles. hopefully, it can do the same for you. the piece of advice i'd put in your fortune cookie would be this: the battles you've faced so far have only made you stronger. don't be afraid to be yourself in the future.
blogging friends: (okay, i'm kind of cheating here, since some of my closest friends also blog)
B. over at isn't she pretty in pink: for you, i'd send bonnie tyler's "total eclipse of the heart", along with a little note requesting that you listen to it (loudly) while in your car at an intersection, and lip-sync it desperately to the person in next car over. in terms of a book (you know it's coming), i would give you my copy of "twilight", and make you sit down and actually read it! it'll take you like, 2 hours! and though you're usually the one giving me advice, let me just say: you do not have to stay on the path you chose 3 years ago. do what makes you happy.
K. over at the artist in the ambulance: i can't send you many songs you don't already have and listen to regularly (particularly since you're the one usually sending me the songs that i listen to!), so i'm pulling something out from our hazy hana-bata days, and sending you nsync's "tearin' up my heart". while our music taste may not have been as undeniably awesome as it is now, i'm not sure i've ever had as much fun as i had with you and the girls during those days. instead of a book, i would send you an I.O.U. for the one i hope to write one day. you will get one of the first five copies, hands down. i'll even autograph it. and my sparkling words of wisdom: there is no rule saying where one should be in their life "by now". continue to live the way you choose, with happiness as your goal and friends by your side. things will happen when they should.
ex's:
J. (the bff from the sixth grade): though i would never actually send you a care package, if i had to, i'd include mariah carey's "always be my baby", because it was part of the last good memory i think you and i had. i have no idea who you are now, and no idea what happened to cause that. but i no longer care either. we were kids, we're not anymore. the book i'd send you would probably be our slam books (which are in storage somewhere), because i definitely don't need them. and my advice is this: burning your bridges leaves you with less places to go.
K. (although you don't really qualify as an ex, since we never really went out): i'm not sending you a song i think you'd like. i'm sending you back a song you thought i'd like, along with my memories of random nights listening to music in your car, being sympathetic as you bitched to me about the girlfriend you'd never leave (though you told me you would), and waiting for your phone call the next morning after i knew you went to see her. so you can have beyonce's "that's how you like it" back. it wasn't that good anyway. as for a book, i'd send you tucker max's "i hope they serve beer in hell", because though i may be mad on some level, we left each other on good terms, and i think you'd find it funny. my advice? don't marry her. you don't really want to.
young'ns:
my 4 year-old nephew: in your care package, i would include brooke fraser's "seeds" as my song to you, because i love you, and i worry. the book i would send to you would be a book of hawaiian legends. though i know you'll get your fill of it one day, it's never too early to start. and my advice would be this: don't grow up too fast. you'll have your whole life to be mature and adult...live freely and have fun.
my 10 month-old niece: for you, i'd send a fine frenzy's "lifesize", because for such a tiny girl, you are larger than life. this song is positive and sweet, and so many more of the things i hope your life will be one day. in your care package, i'd also put sophie kinsella's "confessions of a shopaholic", because i want you to know, early on, that books (and life) can be fun and silly, and it's completely okay to want that. just don't go into credit card debt! my advice (aside from the credit card debt thing) is this: don't follow in anyone's footsteps. make your own, regardless of what your well-meaning family may say.
i wrote this comment on a friend's blog a couple of weeks ago, and when i re-read it i realized that this was something i needed to constantly remind myself of. so here's my reminder.
i think a large portion of [the feeling of wanting drastic changes to be made in our lives -- because for some reason we are less excited about today and tomorrow than we once were -- while simultaneously missing the simplicity of what we had when we were younger] is also just growing up. when we're younger, we have more time to live in the moment and go from interest to interest because we don't have as many [real and large] commitments that we do now. (i.e. school loans, car payments, rent, looming marriage and children, future planning, 401K's, etc.).
because i often find myself feeling the very same thing you're describing, i think there are 2 things we should both remember: 1) it really is very important to change if you need that change in your life. while that change can be scary because of those very commitments i just mentioned, if we don't allow ourselves to take that leap, we ultimately end up unhappy. and 2) we have to accept that our lives aren't going to always be exactly the way we want them, and even if we work to make our lives that way, it won't happen right away. it's okay to have periods of your life that are less exciting than others. we need those times to fully appreciate the better times. we need those times because it's when things are less the way we want them that we grow as people and learn to [cope with all of life's differences].
i guess i just mean to say that every single season of life is meaningful. and while it's important to take control of your life and make it the life we want to lead, it's also important to realize that, because life can't always be the life we want it to be, we need to find things to appreciate in the life we're leading right now.
so the other night N. and i were over at my bff's amazing new house with her new husband and my other bff, and we were having a sort of wrap-up of 2008 discussion. across the board, this has been a pretty bad year for most people i know. and my bff started talking about how it should have been a great year for us since we're the year of the rat and all (she's been finding out more about her chinese ancestry since she's been working on a genealogy project for grad school for the passed 2 months), but since that hasn't happened, maybe it'll roll over to 2009. she's prepared to do various things to ensure that this goes through (which many people, my grandmother for example, do), including cleaning her house from top to bottom before last night, setting off certain fireworks from the four corners of her roof at midnight, making the proper offerings of money or incense (?), and receivinglicee, etc. i don't know a thing about any of this (though N. does since he's half chinese as well), but she said she'd include thoughts and hopes for my 2009 into her rituals, i'm not arguing.
my rituals, on the other hand, are slightly different from hers. i don't actually think i have any, come to think of it. originally, N. and i had planned to do a whole new years things with friends last night, but plans changed since we missed our flight back from hawaii on the 30th and ended up getting back to oakland at 10pm last night instead. it was silly, really. we didn't miss our flight for any huge reason; we were sitting at burger king in the interisland terminal chatting away before we realized that our flight was taking off. so we rebooked our flight for last night and ended up calling my older sister to come and get us so we could stay with her for the night. which actually worked out amazingly well, since it allowed me to FINALLY meet my new niece, and hang out with my nephew. not to mention that big sis let us borrow her truck for the afternoon, so N. and i just drove around to beaches, got something to eat, and hung out.
there are worse places to be stuck on a layover.
but since we got back so late last night, i wasn't in the mood to jump off of a 5 and a half hour plane ride and go straight to a party. so instead we just hung out at home, which was fine with me.
i have made some resolutions, however. i'm trying not to make them too overly ambitious since no one ever ends up keeping those resolutions, so they may not be too interesting.
join a gym. notice that for once it doesn't say, "lose weight." i never keep that resolution. this one is a bit more baby-step-ish, so i feel better about it. there's a gym i have in mind that i'm going to check out next week. and yes, the joining does entail actually going to the gym. i purposefully set up my class schedule so that it allows for more "me time" this semester, which includes exercising, so i think i'm headed in the right direction.
write. this one excites me. it's purely meant to be writing for pleasure. not publication, not academia, just for fun. whether anyone will ever read it doesn't really matter. i need to write again.
not make myself sick over what may happen after graduation. my problem has always been that i need a plan to the point where i make myself suffer if i don't. this is the first time in my life that a huge life change is coming up (graduation in may), and i have absolutely no idea where i'm going to be after it. currently, i have the possibility of a job i may want lined up, and the ability to apply for other jobs i probably don't want at my fingertips. it's the first time i don't know what i really want though, and normally, this would make me sick to the point where i wouldn't be able to function. but i'm working on not letting my ocd tendencies get the better of me. things will work out. things will work out. things will work out.
be happy.this one ties in to the last one and is probably the biggest and most important of my resolutions. while i didn't have control over a lot of what happened in 2008, i did have control over my reactions to those things, and in the end, it's those reactions that paved the way for how the year would proceed. so my only conclusions can be that i made myself unhappy this year. i made 2008 difficult for myself. and i refuse to do that in 2009. whatever else happens, i want to approach my decisions, big or small, with the goal of being happy. should i take the bar? well, would it make me happy to do so? should i apply for this job? well, would i be happy if i was offered the job and accepted? it may sound selfish, and i'll try not to be, but i just feel like this is a much better approach, and a sort of middle ground, to how i usually go about doing things. we'll see how it turned out, i guess, on december 31st, 2009.
anyhow, there it is. there are more mini-resolutions that i'm not going in to detail about (blog more regularly, read more frequently and eclectically, go to shows again, finish publishing my article, travel out of the country), but i think those are the biggies.
oh, also, i'm going to be working on a new blog layout over the next couple of days, and will probably be shifting over to wordpress, but i'll keep you posted.
took a short trip to seattle this passed weekend and miss it more now then ever. i always forget how greenwashington is. when you fly out of oakland, every piece of land you see that isn't covered in cement is a yellowish-brown. then when you fly into sea-tac, everything that isn't covered in cement is trees. and things are starting to change color there, so its extra-beautiful. fall is my favorite time of year. it just makes me want to bundle up, walk in boots over wet, reflective sidewalks to the nearest starbucks and get a pumpkin spice latte that i probably won't drink. i just like the smell of it.
it was weird being back in the udistrict though. as we drove through (heading to hawaiianbbq - woo!), i realized that i'm older than practically everyone i saw! and it was sad in a way, because for the most part, none of my friends really lived in the udistrict any more. areas around university districts are so transient. you'll never be able to come back in ten years and think, "hey, my friend joeschmoe lives there," because the fact is that there have probably been dozens of kids who have lived there afterjoe.
and seattle, on a rainy night, can seem oddly lonely too. not a bad lonely, just...lonely.
visiting also made me think of how people change, and don't change, at the same time. for example, i haven't seen my freshman/sophomore roommate kina since i moved down to the bay two and half years ago. and yet, it's like we've talked every day the whole time. i mean, give or take the fact that we're catching each other up on our lives. and i got to see anthony, kina's fiance, and another of my first washington-friends. we hugged and it was like being enveloped in a big brother.
i saw other friends too, of course. my junior/senior roommate will be moving down to the bay this weekend, so there's no real reason to miss her. but it's still stunning to realize that she's getting married soon. she has this amazingly beautiful wedding dress (and i'm picky about what wedding dresses i find pretty), that she's going to wear with these awesome red peep-toes. she has her wedding planned out and i feel so out of touch with everything. we talked about her best friend (who happens to be one of mine as well) and the fact that i know next to nothing about that girls life anymore. i can't even remember that last time we talked. there was just a...losing touch...that happened. it made me so sad.
and i saw one of my best friends from back home who's moved up there and has this new, amazing life working for an indie record label and being friends with interesting people and band members, etc. sometimes i feel so out of touch with her life as well. like we have so little in common anymore. but there are ties there that i refuse to let sever. she's been in my life too long to ever let her be out of it, you know?
i guess i've realized that the changes in myself i didn't see happening were happening just the same. for example, this passed summer, one of the quints got married, so it was the first time we all got together since graduation night of highschool. and these girls - women, now - are my best friends. absolute rocks in my life. one in particular. and yet, we have to work to keep the conversations going and to find things to talk about. it was so unnerving that i actually had to bring it up with them so we could talk about the awkwardness. i'd never felt that before, but then again, i hadn't seen them since i was 18. so this is sort of how it felt a little this passed weekend. and M. is the one to point out that it's because we've changed so much. so much.
it was sad to realize. but nice too, because we were still there, trying to meet on common ground. trying to find something to discuss the way we used to discuss the most trivial things. it's reassuring to know that we value each other that much.
on that note, my mom did me a HUGE favor this passed weekend and rummaged through storage to find some of my things from high school. she's sent me my yearbook from senior year, complete with signatures and goodbye notes. and she found my diaries. OMG. the diaries of a 16 year old! it's incredible how hard and wonderful at the same time it is to read these thoughts. we're so invincible at 16. so sure and unsure of ourselves at the same time. so confident in our friends, and so engrossed in our little intrigues. and it's just interesting to read what i wrote when i was that girl.
The sky is so beautiful right now. The lights of the island end so quickly, then the horizon goes from red to pink to orange and yellow before fading into a light blue. The mountains are so darkly silhouetted against that yellow. Then it's nothing but a cloudless dark blue expanse with a crescent moon and the north star accessorizing such a beautiful night. Definitely one of the prettiest nights of the year. Far to pretty for me to feel so...discontent. - Oct. 29. 2000
What exactly is destiny? I mean, do we really control our own? Because if we do, then how can we be "meant to be" with one person? How do you know that this one person is...your destiny? Does that mean that all your life you were just waiting for them? All the while you were feeling so strongly about other people, were you really just waiting for someone better to walk into your life? - Nov. 28, 2000
i'm not going to lie. the diaries from my junior and senior year are full of a boy. but i have a feeling that's not atypical. it's just so entertaining/embarrassing to see what i put myself through over something so...not real. i wasn't an adult and i thought i was. i wasn't mature and i thought i was. but i think the funniest and scariest thing of all is that the person that 17 year old was isn't as far as the person i am now thought she was. i can still see myself. i still do some of the same things. and now, years later, i can look at what i did and see patterns, see myself and my habits forming. see my defense mechanisms refining and my ideas on life and love taking shape.
it's an educational experience to realize that you've grown up, but not so much that who you are is a stranger to who you were.
i have this favorite line from "jane austen's book club" that i always think about when i think about those years. it's when prudie and her husband are fighting in their hotel room because she thinks he was flirting with her high school nemesis. and she tells him that this woman was terrible to her in high school. and he says that high schools over. and she just looks at him, crying, and says "high schools never over."
so true in some ways. and i'm so glad it's not true in so many others.
i dreamt of kapuaiwa last night (ohhh, that sounds so poetic when you don't know what it is!).
anyway, i had a dream about kapuaiwa, and in the dream i was doing just normal day-to-day things: coming back from dinner, taking a shower, reading a book on a friends bed, running up and down the halls. even doing saturday morning cleanings.
it made me really homesick.
and then, to top off the homesickness, my best friends and i did our periodic email updates yesterday and today, so it's the first time in a really long time i've heard from any of them. i miss them so much. you know those people in your life that know you probably better than you know yourself? who are as much family to you as your biological family is? who love you, no matter what, no matter how long the absences or how stupid the reasons, they just love you unconditionally?
by this time tomorrow i'll be done with this dreaded final. i know, it's not my last one (got 2 more next week), but it is BY FAR my hardest.
and it'll be over.
that alone, is cause for excessive, EXCESSIVE celebration.
AND aside from all the rest of the crap i've managed to jam into by brain in the last 2 days, i've learned a very valuable, never-to-be-forgotten lesson: i am SO not cut out for business law.
so.....here's to the home stretch. *raising my imaginary bucket filled to the brim with copious amounts of unnamed alcohol*
(oh, and lots of love to boyfriend and B, because let's face it, yesterday was a complete wreck, and there's just no other 2 people like you in the world)
so i've totally updated my myspace (everything except my userpic and travelogues i think), so everyone should check it out. especially the AWESOME vid i put up. i'll give you a teaser: it involves N., dancing, and lots of alcohol. note for B.: this was our pre-party before your bday-bash!
and i thought i'd post some pics up here too!
the law school gang, minus R. (who i think is at a bar on the haight). we had just finished finals our first semester, L. got engaged about 20 minutes before this was taken, and B. was about to get engaged the next day!
the city from treasure island. it was such a great day, so N. and i decided to drive around sf and marin for a while.
harry potter night!
i think it's funny that N.'s shirt says "youth leadership, racial and social justice." if you know him, you kinda realize how spot-on that is. i think we were in sf when we took this.
part of the quints during our traditional lets-hang-out-when-i-get-back-to-hilo nights. we did the requisite cafe pesto, had salmon linguine, and then went back to A.'s place to hear some of her knew music. she truly, TRULY blows me away. and i stand by my previous statements that SHE NEEDS TO MAKE AN ALBUM!
