Our First Place

This will be a short post, mostly because I'm sad and I don't want to think about what I'm thinking about for too long.  But it's here in my head and on the tip of my tongue pretty much all day, so I need to get it out somewhere.

In 2 weeks, Nate and I will be packing up our lives and moving out of our first place together.  And usually you hear about this happening and it's a bittersweet thing -- the couple moves out in order to move on to something bigger and better.  They think about their small, cheap place with tons of charm and smile over it, but they accept that they've grown out of it and it's time to make memories in their next place.

This is not that situation.  Our place is not small, nor is it cheap.  But it does have tons of charm.  It's our perfect first place: 2 bedroom, 1 bath, small-but-not-too-small kitchen with gas range that Nate loves to cook on, bay window looking out into the fenced-in oak-tree-shaded backyard that Finn runs around in, off-street parking, laundry, great landlord, great neighbors, convenient to public transportation, private.  Ours.  We've been here to for 2 years and have made enough memories here that I'm grieving now that we're moving out.

We're moving out to move back in with Nate's mom, to save money so I can get out of debt, so I can take some classes that I've been wanting to take, so we can save money to travel and do the things we've been dreaming of.  And while all of that is amazing and Nate is amazing for even being willing to sacrifice so much for me...I'm still a complete wreck over losing our first place.

It's silly, I know.  It's just an apartment, right?  But it's how I feel.

i haven't done preachy in a while

**please note that my arguments below on gentrification are neither complete, or intended to be (i'm not writing the counter arguments made, or taking the thousands of available variables into consideration, etc.).  that argument would take up many volumes of many books i am neither willing nor qualified to write at this time.  i'm just relaying a conversation and some of the jumbled thoughts in my head.  no hate mail, please.**

wow, i've never actually felt the need to write a disclaimer before.  surreal.  

anyhow.  i don't pride myself on a lot of things.  writing, maybe.  my stubbornness, definitely.  but my arguing abilities have been something i've worked on over the past three years and, for the most part, i've always felt that they were one of my more developed skills.  i've learned to argue logic, not emotion.  i've learned to keep calm and to always, above all else, think of the counter arguments first and last.  this, after all, is what a good lawyer does.

so arguing, when i know my subject matter, is never something i thought i had to worry about.

and then i had a debate with friends about gentrification.

for those who are unaware, the merriam-webster dictionary defines gentrification as "the process of renewal and rebuilding accompanying the influx of middle-class or affluent people into deteriorating areas that often displaces poorer residents."  this displacement occurs because 1) these renovated buildings in traditionally low-income neighborhoods are sold or rented at prices too high for the existing community to afford, and 2) the presence of these newer, pricier spaces, as well as the influx of the middle- to upper-class population that comes with it, increases the overall property tax of the area, making it difficult (or, in many cases, impossible) for the existing community to remain in that neighborhood.

coupled with this already tragic reality is the fact that, in this country, economic lines still break and racial lines, so the traditionally low-income families, homeowners and community members who are displaced by gentrification are typically people of color.

now, what came out of this conversation as a whole is that there's no easy answer to this issue.  from the perspective of a commercial or residential property developer, this sort of work is really your bread and butter.  it is definitely most profitable to purchase property at an extremely low cost, flip it, and sell/rent it at a much higher price.  and as the purchaser of one of those flipped properties, gentrification of the surrounding area is often times good news because this displacement process nearly ensures that this previously low-income and probably unsafe area will see huge growth in the years to come.  the benefits to businesses, consumers, etc. go on because, yes, gentrification does tend to make a neighborhood "safer," and therefore increase the number of business owners willing to move into an area which, along with a new type of resident, will in turn increase the amount of security present in that neighborhood.

but the point of it all is that the area is not made safer for those already living there.  after all, the families who have lived in the area for generations were forced to move when their property taxes were raised.  gentrification essentially chases away the poor (aka, "the dangerous," "the problem," and the people of color) to make room for the affluent.  what was once a community made up primarily of people of color has not only changed economically, but racially as well.  and those people are forced to move elsewhere to areas where - you've guessed it - are poorer and more affordable still.

now, in my day to day life, i rarely have to explain this concept, or argue on behalf of the displaced.  ever since i fell into my undergraduate major, most of the people i've been surrounded with have either been a part of my major (meaning they've critically studied privilege, race and identity as part of their academic careers), have been ethnic studies scholars, or have been other people of color themselves.  furthermore, living where i live right now, gentrification and its implications are ever-present and disheartening.

but i found myself having to explain/defend my point in this debate with friends.  and i also quickly found myself losing control of all previous argument skills i thought i had.  i could no longer separate logic from emotion.  i could not longer not take things personally.  i heard too much behind the words of friends, too many biases, too much of what i considered - at the time - to be unintended racism or disappointing ignorance of privilege and a lack of compassion.  and that's just not me, and it's definitely not them either.

so while the conversation wasn't easy, i'm glad i was a part of it.  because i learned more about myself than i had known before it.  i learned the value of taking a deep breath, and maintaining my composure when i otherwise wouldn't.  i learned that while i could firmly believe i was on the side of the morally and ethically right, it didn't give me free reign to read more into the words of others than what they really meant.  i learned to listen, and to speak so that i'm heard.

and that's sort an invaluable lesson in and of itself.

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if you're interested in an example of a development project which manages to be profitable (though perhaps not as profitable) and socially conscious at the same time, a model which will hopefully catch on around the country, check out the asian community development corporation's project in boston, ma.

communities are not just groupings of buildings.  they're homes and lives and people.  it just can't be right to push people out of their neighborhoods for the sake of a profit, and i feel like that would be apparent if we all just put ourselves in one another's shoes every once in a while.

project central

i've been in a very artsy mood lately. i want to redecorate every room in my house. i want to paint. i want to go to thrift stores, buy up the world, and refurbish to my delight. i have some projects lined up that i'm looking forward to (though nothing is for sure yet...must run it by the pack mule
boyfriend). i guess i need to fill my time somehow, right?

but in my search for diy project ideas online (particularly while visiting the extremely awesome creature comforts), i came across this:

which, considering the photographer is only 14 years old (14!), made me feel unartistic and completely untalented. lol. more of her stuff can be found here. it really is beautiful.

anyhow, some of the things i want to get to over the next couple of...days? weeks?...however long i'm going to be unemployed (urgh, so frustrating!):

• create my own one of these, so i don't have to pay $40 for it at the moment.  i do, however, plan to buy one of the originals from madebygirl as soon as i can afford it.  i suggest everyone check out both her blog and her etsy shop!
  
• somehow redecorate our home office/guest room. right now there's a colossal and ugly futon couch in it that we bought off of craigslist when we moved in a few months ago. i hate it. the space it takes up makes it impossible to rearrange the office EVER. i'm secretly plotting it's untimely demise. N. has no idea and will probably be unhappy about it. but it needs to be done. i want to replace it with a cushy overstuffed chair and table (which is fantasy at this point since i have no income), and move some of the furniture around. it's just too cluttered. papers everywhere. N.'s crap in crates and overflowing from his file cabinet. a broken shelf. case in point: right this second, i am sitting at my desk on my laptop and can see about a square inch of the desk surface. it's disgusting.
• create my own one of these too, except i want to put a quote from "wuthering heights" in it. you know the one: "What were the use of my creation, if I were entirely contained here? My great miseries in this world have been Heathcliff's miseries, and I watched and felt each from the beginning; my great thought in living is himself. If all else perished, and he remained, I should still continue to be; and all else remained, and he were annihilated, the universe would turn to a mighty stranger." i have the canvas and paint (all free!), and just need to start.
• fix up our wall art around the house. it's all sort of mish-mashed right now, sort of off-center of things. i mean, i love the pieces we have -- lots of asian script (compliments of N. being chinese, as well as our trip to hong kong a couple summers ago), northwest tribal art we bought on the s'klallam rez over our last couple of trips up to washington, some framed cards, a wall hanging friends got us from israel, etc. -- but i'd luuuuuurve to do something like this with it all. (yes, at this point i may as well just move into this ladies house, i love it so much)
• do some very necessary yard work. we have a huge back yard, dominated by an equally huge oak tree. because of this oak tree and the shade it creates, we have no grass. that being said, i have to find a replacement ground cover (because both finn the dog and i hate the wood chips currently strewn around) suitable for shady areas and a dog running around. i want to do large pavers and then buckets and boxes of ferns, shade-appropriate flowers, and an herb garden. i also want to hang some bird feeders, build a bat house to help with the mosquito's (we live near a creek), and string white lights or lanterns from our porch and the oak tree. this, as you may have guessed, will cost MONEY. so it will be the last project i tackle.
• finally: two weekends ago, N. and i went to check out some thrift and goodwill stores and i hit the motherload: a pair of 7's in my size for only $4!!! this is my very first pair, and i won't deny that i've got some serious back-patting going on over the fact that i got it that cheap. yay me! but i want to change them into skinny jeans, so that's on my to-do list.

i'm taking more diy suggestions/ideas, or blogs to refer to if you've got them. or i'd just love to hear what you've been up to!

ch-ch-changes

N. and i are officially settled in. officially. it's only taken us a while because we had to stain our ikea kitchen table and chairs (which now does not look so ikea-ish, yay!), and get a dog. so we now live together, on our own, in a very, very cute place.

i like to call it "casa de awesome."

and i thought i'd share some pictures of the whole process.

this is obviously the before pictures. our stuff overflowed into the living room of the house we'd been living in. this isn't even half of our stuff and, funnily enough, most of this stuff is from my bedroom. we were so lucky to have a bunch of our friends come over on what was possibly the first hottest day of the year to help us move.

i'm proud and glad to say that the apartment looked like this for only a few hours. as soon as we got the stuff moved in, my old roommate, M., helped me unpack the entire kitchen while N. and her husband J. went to go and pick up the new grill his mom bought him for his grad school graduation gift.

happily enough, we now live in a very comfy 2 bedroom apartment. we use one of the bedrooms as an office space, we have a nice fenced in backyard, and we are so excited to finally be on our own. i think we've both had reservations in the last three years about taking this next step in our relationship (which is why we kept deciding that we weren't ready to), but now that we've done it, we're both realize that it was just the natural progression of things.

and finally, meet finnegan! this is finn, our newly adopted 6 year old border collie/australian shepherd mix. he is possibly the smartest dog in the world, but i may be a bit biased since i've noticed that i've been acting like a new mother ever since we brought him home.

dogs are so interesting and entertaining. he never tires. he always wants to play. he's extremely well-trained and is apparently an escape artist (he got out of our 7 foot fenced in back yard the first day we left him alone and leapt in to our neighbor's - whose name is also finnegan! - back yard).

he's also terrified of loud noises so we're already a little apprehensive about the fireworks on the 4th of july.

my life has become consumed by caring for my dog.

this is another one of those reasons why, thank God, i no longer have room to stress out about the bar exam.

the bay just sucks you dry

can we discuss how expensive it is to rent in the bay area?

here i am, puttering around on craigslist (successfully blowing off studying for my contracts exam), and i quickly realize that with the money N. and i are going to spend on rent if ("if"? i really should start being proactive and say "when" instead, shouldn't i?) we move out, we could just as easily afford a MULTI-BEDROOM HOUSE in another area. i'm serious. look at north carolina. and yeah, i mean, what's in north caroline, right? you wanna know what? CHEAP HOUSING. and we're not talking ghetto either. no, we're talking brand new ocean side or beautiful historic down town.

okay, so i'm never moving to north carolina, but that's not the point. go look up seattle. we could get a nice apartment in fremont (beautiful lake side boutique-y FREMONT) for cheaper than it is to get an apartment in the middle of OAKLAND!

and we have this offer from N.'s mom. she wants N. to keep living at home for the first year of grad school so he can save money. if he does, he doesn't have to pay any rent. in additional (i guess it's "if i agree"), i don't have to pay utilities anymore. how's that for incentive, right? and it is great here (dog, family, nice house, low rent), but i moved out of my mom's house a long time ago, you know? i guess i'm just ready to move out of my boyfriend's mom's house too.

but that would be so much easier if i wasn't living in the most expensive area in the damn country.

so here you go USF, here's most of my money. and oakland? you can just have the rest.

*sigh* who am i kidding, i just really want to decorate something...