Hardly Strictly a typical weekend

(A typical fraction of the crowd at the Hardly Strictly Bluegrass Festival.  Photo found here.)

I've been trying to do different things lately to break up the sort of...habitualness of my life.  I think this feeling I've been going through lately of being stuck in places I'm not really satisfied with has stemmed from the fact that my life has fallen into a rut of sorts.  In the past, I've thought about ways to get out of the rut but I've never actually attempted to, instead just waiting it out until I began feeling content again.  

Not this time.  

I'm tired of complaining about things and not making any moves to change them (who wants to be that kind of person, anyway?).  That isn't who I am or who I'm used to being and it's a habit I really need to break.  So after a heated discussion with Nate (helpful and obvious hint: do not attempt to bombard your significant other with your own stress when he/she is stressed out beyond belief all on their own.  A fight will most likely ensue and no one will win.) and a chat with the best friend (another helpful and obvious hint: best friends make everything better.  Everything.), I've started to slowly but surely climb my way out of my rut.  This effort has taken the form of hanging out with my friends more, making an attempt to be more independent when planning my weekends, and doing things that are sort of out of the ordinary for me.

It's been interesting to find out that what's now out of the ordinary for my life was once pretty normal, and that I apparently used to know myself a lot better than I currently do.  It's kind of backwards, don't you think?  To be sure of yourself and happy and confident, then to grow unsure of yourself and less content and less confident as you get older?  Aren't we supposed to know our own minds more as the years go on and we mature?  Aren't we supposed to be become more settled and less restless?

Maybe all of these expectations and "supposed to's" are what's been getting me into trouble in the first place.

Anyhow, in trying to diversify what I do during my free time, I decided to head out to the Hardly Strictly Bluegrass Festival this weekend in Golden Gate Park with Nate and a bunch of our friends.  Despite the 700,000 people that attended (no, that number is not a typo, there really were about seven hundred thousand people there) -- and you know me, I'm not the biggest fan of crowds and body odor -- I can't tell you how much fun it was to relax, listen to music (most of which I'd never heard before) and just feel like I was experiencing something new for a change.

I seem to constantly be in search of a new experience.

Infinite Arms and more

On Friday night, Nate and I went with some friends to see Band of Horses at the Greek Theater in Berkeley.  Not only was it an amazing venue and an amazing, amazing show, but they are also just a bunch of really nice guys.  I would wholeheartedly recommend seeing them next time they come to your area and definitely if they're performing at an outdoor venue (you wouldn't think it would make a difference, but listening to songs like "Blue Beard" and "Evening Kitchen" while looking up at the stars?  Sort of priceless.).

(I don't own any of these vids -- you can find them on YouTube by doing a simple search.)

I had the best time last night

You know those nights where things just line up and unfold perfectly?  Love those nights.

Last night (and even though I was incredibly, grossly sick...just so you understand the extent of my dedication) I went to the Something Corporate show here in San Francisco with Bianca (from Isn't She Pretty in Pink) and Kaimi (from amor fati).  Really, all I can say is that Something Corporate is still one of the best bands all these years later and I still have some of the best times at their shows.  I'm so glad that this year seems to be the year of reunions for the bands of our generation.

 

(I didn't take these vids and they don't belong to me, mainly because I was on the ground floor dancing my butt off the whole time.)

A Healthy Ambition: The Work-Out Mix

I can't work out without music.  It may actually be some weird sort of cosmic impossibility.  And what I listen to doesn't have to fall into a certain category of songs, but I don't like when they're super predictable either (i.e. "Eye of the Tiger" is getting nowhere near my playlist for many, many reasons).  The music just has to be loud and high-octane, and I have to be able to think over it or about it.  Like daydreaming on car rides, I apparently tend to do my best thinking on the elliptical or treadmill when I can just stare off into space without having to worry about crashing into anything or anyone.

I've spent many hours at the gym recently listening to Lady Gaga, The Maine, Eminem and The Cab.

So while this playlist is under constant revision and construction, I thought I'd share it's current incarnation with you.  I'd love to hear what makes up your current work out mix -- maybe I'll borrow some songs and add them to mine!

A Creativity Challenge: Music to Write By

With Ashley's Creativity Challenge a week underway, I thought it would be a good time to write my first update.  As mentioned previously, the challenge I've issued myself for the month of July is to write.  Write habitually, write unabashedly, just write.  My only requirements were that the writing be done daily, and that its subject matter be creative.

It sounds easy enough, doesn't it?

Enter: Me.

This isn't nearly as straight-forward and simple as I thought it was going to be, but I guess that's why I issued it as a challenge to myself.  It's extremely hard for me to focus long enough to write something worth writing, or to even gauge what that "worth" means.  It's difficult to stay inspired, or to not focus on the ideas I've had and then forgotten instead of creating new ones.  And though I've written something down everyday so far, sometimes it was just a single, measly sentence that was hastily deleted before my laptop even had time to process and auto-save.  I don't know whether this is a lack of commitment or just a genuine lack of ideas on my part.

Given all of this, my mini-challenge for the coming week is to write more.  No more one-sentence-and-delete.  Write to keep.

To help with this, I've resurrected my "Music to Write By" playlist.  It's always been easiest for me to write with mood music.  Like many authors I've read interviews of, I tend to think in movie scenes complete with soundtracks and, in fact, most of my ideas come when I'm on a long drive somewhere, listening to music that just makes me see what's happening.  I usually have an idea for the general story line in my head already, but the music helps me to create scenes and dialogue, environment and emotion.  It's the only time that I can honestly say my characters have told me what they'd like to say instead of the other way around.  Unfortunately, by the time the drive is over, I've forgotten the details of that scene and spend the next few days mourning that loss and trying [unsuccessfully] to recreate it.  This discourages me, and I stop trying.

It's an unproductive cycle, but it's one that I'm hopeful can be broken.

And so, though it desperately needs updating, my current "Music to Write By" playlist looks like this:

1. Lydia - "Fate"
2. Sara Bareilles & Ingrid Michaelson - "Winter Song"
3. Maria Taylor - "Clean Getaway"
4. A Fine Frenzy - "Elements"
5. Eisley - "Plenty of Paper"
6. Snow Patrol & Martha Wainwright - "Set the Fire to the Third Bar"
7. Kat Tingey - "Undone"
8. The Temper Trap - "Sweet Disposition"
9. Sea Wolf - "The Violet Hour"
10. Editors - "No Sound But the Wind"
11. Lydia - "This is Twice Now"
12. Deas Vail - "Atlantis"
13. Ray LaMontagne - "Hannah"
14. The Fray - "Look After You"
15. Death Cab for Cutie - "I Will Follow You into the Dark"
16. Lydia - "Now the One You Once Loved is Leaving"
17. Eisley - "Brightly Wound"
18. Death Cab for Cutie - "The Ice is Getting Thinner"
19. Lydia - "One More Day"
20. Grizzly Bear & Victoria Legrand - "Slow Life"
21. Leona Lewis - "Run"
22. Lydia - "All I See"
23. Poe - "Haunted"

friday feature: eclipse soundtrack

happy friday, everyone.

i was sitting at work yesterday when i was suddenly struck by a realization: wasn't there supposed to be an eclipse soundtrack coming out at some point before the movie?  and isn't the movie coming out next week?  i googled.  and was surprised to find out that a soundtrack had indeed quietly come out and i hadn't even noticed.  obviously, i was going to have to go home and buy it immediately.  that would be when the day decided that it was going to draaaaaaag by as slowly as physically and metaphorically possible, and it seemed like forever until i was able to sit down at my laptop and click that download button.

on first listen, i guess it was worth the wait.  after all, metric is fantastic, sia is -- as always -- amazing, the black keys are awesome (i mean, really, i could listen to "chop and change" on repeat for days) and band of horses is never a bad thing.  i'm even sort of digging this cee lo green song and definitely florence + the machine's "heavy in your arms" (her moody vocals at the end are great) , and jacob's theme song is sort of heartbreaking even if you're not a team jacob kind of gal.  and, okay, i'll be the first to admit that i'm not really the biggest vampire weekend fan, but i'm giving them a shot.   there's also a theme which comes across over the entire album pretty clearly, and i like that.

is this album as good as the "new moon" soundtrack?  i don't know...i mean, that album had grizzly bear, thom yorke (who could have single-handedly made that album better than many, many others), editors, the killers, sea wolf and the flaming lips.  what wasn't to love?  so we'll see.  it'll take me a little while to decide if i'm ever going to love this album, and i'd definitely like to be able to fit scenes with songs, but until then, i'm gonna start it over and see how it settles.

happy weekend!

friday feature: brooke fraser

i know that i've written about brooke fraser before, but i've really been obsessed with her music lately and have had it on repeat, so you've got to bear with me.

the first time i listened to brooke fraser, i'm pretty sure i was actually in new zealand (she's a kiwi).  we were living in the international house at the university of auckland, and i remember walking into the lounge and hearing this really nice song playing.  i walked over to the tv where some friends were watching music videos, and i see this great video.  there's candle-light and this woman playing the piano, and it's all just very romantic, you know?  well, at that point N. and i had just started dating so everything sort of seemed romantic to me at the time, but still.

anyway, this song ended up being "arithmetic" by brooke fraser, and i ended up buying the entire album and really loving her music.  she's since come out with a newer album called "albertine," and it's absolutely amazing.  from a christian standpoint, you really couldn't ask for more since it's really inspirational but not overly preachy, and from a singer/songwriter fan's standpoint, the music (from piano to guitar to lyrics) is wonderful as well -- calming and thoughtful without being depressing.

i also know that, with this album, there's a particular humanitarian aspect that you hear come through in the song for which the album is named.  as a supporter of world vision child sponsorship, "albertine" is named for the orphan brooke met in rwanda, who lost both her parents in the rwandan genocide.  you can read a little bit more about it on her website.

i guess this music just inspires me to 1) be a better person, 2) be a better christian, and 3) be better at these things by...being more present in the world, more helpful, more understanding.  more of the things we say we all want to be, but usually don't see through.

brooke's currently in studio working on another album, and i can't wait until she goes back on tour.  until then, here are some songs to keep you (and me) looking forward:

hope

i cried.

friday feature: playlist love

do you have someone in your life that you consistently turn to when you need new music?  someone who knows your music tastes so well that if you were to just tell them, "i need some new music and i'm in a [insert emotion here] mood," they'd know exactly what to send you?  K. over at the artist in the ambulance is that person for me.  since high school, whenever i've needed music to fit an occasion, or to be the background to a book i'm reading or a problem i'm going through, she's always known what to suggest, from sarah mclachlan to brand new to city and colour to lydia.  (most recently, i was in a very hipster mood, so she sent me a bunch of music i have yet to organize in a playlist, but once i do i'll post it).

yes, i suppose it helps that she works in the music industry, but she's generally just one of those people who love music.  and i'm not talking about the kind of love that most people have for music, or even the kind of love that i have for music (which may actually be a bit more personal than the average person).  music is like life to her.  i couldn't imagine her without it.  i don't think she could imagine her without it.

it also helps that she's not pretentious about it, either.  she'll listen to anything from bands i've definitely never heard of, to lady gaga and miley cyrus.  and for me that makes her all the more legit.  because music snobs kind of suck most of the time.

so to finish out what was started over a year ago when she began writing a twilight playlist (maybe because i begged her?  i don't remember the specifics), i wanted to post her latest playlist for breaking dawn.

**go here to get the playlists for twilight, new moon, and eclipse**

- pheonix - 1901 (getting the new car and telling everyone about the engagement)
- the temper trap - sweet disposition (segue to the night before the wedding)
- band of horses - is there a ghost (story/nightmare about the immortal children)
- the shins - the past and pending (the wedding)
- city and colour - sam malone (dance with jake)
- emanuel - make tonight (honeymoon)
- kings of leon - closer (more honeymoon)
- brand new - noro (bella and edward realize she's pregnant)

- city and colour - like knives (jake finds out about the pregnancy and edward tries to bargain with him)
- tv on the radio - wolf like me (wolfpack debates and splits up)
- underoath - the created void (jake's miserable around bella and leaves, and edward begins hearing nessie)
- interpol - pioneer to the falls (jacob's alone and realizes he needs to go back)
- 30 seconds to mars - the kill (bella goes into labor)

 - alberta cross - the thief and the heartbreaker (bella's death)
- coldplay - don't panic (introducing the new and improved vamp bella)
- far-less - to live (bella's first hunt)
- copeland - no one really wins (jake has imprinted on nessie)
- fair - blurry eyed (bella gets to hold her baby)
- death cab for cutie - summer skin (edward...and the cottage)
- deas vail - sunlight (bella and the cullens are all glittery, and she's finally happy)
- jack's mannequin - the resolution (things are happy, but still uneasy)
- the receiving end of sirens - wanderers (alice's vision, the volturi are coming)
- the juliana theory - do you believe me? (the gathering of witnesses and allies)
- doves - reprise (waiting for the volturi)
- bush - machinehead (the confrontation)
- radiohead - lucky (alice's return)
- snow patrol - same (our happy ending!)

my music makes my sister want to die

i grew up listening to hawaiian and local music which, while it doesn't have the same sound, has the same overall feel of country music.  they both have the same sort of family values, don't be disrespectful to women and your elders, i'll take my country over your city any day of the week, style.  so naturally, i also grew up listening to country music, thanks to my mother who was going through her CMT phase when i was going through my i-refuse-to-go-to-pre-school phase.  the first songs i remembered learning by heart include garth brooks's "friends in low places," and various songs by kapena, the ka'au crater boys, and robi kahakalau (who still has one of the prettiest voices i've ever heard).  to this day, i'm still a huge fan.

but when i went away to boarding school, my music preferences expanded to make room for teenage rebellion, angst, heartache, and ambition.  of course i went through my obligatory hip-hop schooling, during which i was introduced to the likes of 2pac, biggie, and yes, mark morrison ("return of the mack," anyone?  you know you listened to it too...).  but i found my level ground when i was in the 8th grade, and i began listening to o'ahu's alternative music stations.  there, i met my thirteen year old heart's soulmates.  bush.  live.  green day.  no doubt.  foo fighters.  everclear.  oasis. (i particularly remember falling asleep to "don't look back in anger").  blur.  i could go on and on and on...

and this genre has remained my go-to pretty steadily throughout the years, with the additions of singer-songwriter, folk, some punk along the way, classic rock, 90's rock, and what i like to call chick rock.

and then one day my older sister, A. (who's a fan of reggae, country and mainstream hip-hop), told me i couldn't choose a radio station in her car because all i listened to was, and i quote, "depressing music that makes you want to die."


...?...


i'm sorry, what?  my music makes you want to die?  i admit it, okay, i like emo, but that doesn't mean i'm the type to sit in a dark room, write poetry and cry all night long.  i just like music that makes you calm and contemplative, and yes, maybe a shade melancholy.  it's better than being obsessed with music that makes you horny and/or violent.  but ever since she told me that, i can't help but take a closer look at my music choices every time i purchase a CD, or make a pandora playlist, or put a song on repeat for the third of fourth time.  not that i think anything would be wrong with me even if i did like depressing music, but i think i just like music that makes you feel something at least.  again, other than horny or violent.

anyhow, this all came up because i'm working on creating a fall/winter playlist at the moment, and i just finished going through the first batch of songs to weedle them down.  yes, they are slow.  yes, they tend to evoke a less than uppity mood when listened too.  but just because they don't make you want to get up and dance around half naked like britney spears doesn't mean they're sad songs!  they just have a very fall-y feel to me, that's all.

none of my pink, kelly clarkson, marie digby, taylor swift or lady gaga songs fit the profile.

(click to see it larger)

#13 on the Bucket List

check it off because...

i just got tickets to see U2!!!

inaugural friday feature: U2

i'm trying something sort of different here.  each friday, i'm attempting to do a "friday feature" post.  i'll usually just pick something that's come to my attention (a book i'm reading, a newsworthy hollywood scandal that's gotten waaaay blown out of proportion, a movie that's so bad and so popular at the same time it defies logic, you get the picture) and go at it.  nothing spectacular, but something fairly new to change things up.

as my inaugural friday feature, i'm of course going to spotlight a band that is, in my humble opinion, one of the best bands ever: U2.

my first memory of U2 is more a memory of feeling that a moment of seeing or hearing.  i can't recall where i was, who i was with, or how old i was either.  i just remember very specifically the way i felt the first time i heard "with or without you".  it made me feel odd.  i know that sounds strange, but it's true.  i honestly don't think i'd ever had music make me feel something before, and it was so unfamiliar that it's hard to describe even now.  i think i thought it was making me sad, when it was actually just making me feel something.  i was honest to God uncomfortable listening to that song for a while afterward.  ever time it came on the radio i'd switch to a different station.

that's obviously changed now.

i was already a huge fan by the time U2 came out with "all that you can't leave behind."  when they did , i was getting ready to graduate from high school, leave home, leave hawaii, and head to college (taking only what i could leave behind.  winner!).  "walk on" was the soundtrack to my life at that point.

then, a year later, i found myself on a plane flying over the atlantic towards northern ireland, part of this fairy tale land i'd always dreamed of visiting.  i was going to be studying the not-so-fairy-tale-ish irish troubles, and so very appropriately put "sunday bloody sunday" on repeat the entire flight over.  when we got to derry, and i walked around the site looking at these huge political murals and trying to imagine that day, i had that song playing over and over in my head.

U2 stayed with me throughout the rest of college.  during my sophomore year, i started watch the tv show "one tree hill" because it's named after a U2 song.  then, during my junior year, i studied abroad in auckland, new zealand, and made a point to visit the actual one tree hill since that's what the song was named after.

more recently, i've been relying on "i still haven't found what i'm looking for" and "city of blinding lights' whenever i feel...stuck.  which has been a lot.  they make me think of paris, of new york, of big cities and possibilities.  they re-motivate me and re-excite me.

i've yet to see U2 in concert.  i've often told N. that if he ever wants to guarantee a "yes" when he proposes, he should buy me tickets to see them live and pop the question there, preferably during "all i want is you."  there would be no denying him.

then there's bono, who can't be ignored when you talk about U2 and your love (or hate) for them.  whatever you may think of him, of his arrogance, his foul language (not always used in the most diplomatic ways), or his talent, you can't ignore the fact that his philanthropic and humanitarian work count for something.  from amnesty benefit concerts, to the ONE campaign, to fashion lines, to product (red), he's done quite a bit and that's commendable.  i'm not saying he's Jesus or anything, and indeed, one of my favorite quotes about bono comes from B. over at Isn't She Pretty in Pink (who has an irrational animosity towards him ;)), who said something like, "if he wants to help africa so much, maybe he should stop buying himself dolce & gabbana sunglasses and put the money towards something useful!"  but i'm just saying that it's nice being a fan of a group who supports human rights as much as bono and U2 does.

i could go on forever.  i really could.  i love this band that much.

do you have a band/musician that you just feel like has been with you forever?  whose music you can trace big parts of your life to?  who seems to always have the right song for you to listen to at the right moment?  do you have a soundtrack to your life?

happy weekend!

yes, i think they can dance

i love this. and not just because i've got to support the kid i apparently went to high school with (go native hawaiians!) and the girl i think should win the whole competition. but because it is amazing. i literally cannot say enough about how powerful i thought this dance was. the judges need to get their heads out of their rear ends on this one.

sooooo much fun. so much fun. so good. and i'm kind of in love with this song.

music as promised

because of finals and The Big Move, and family in town and the start of barbri, i wasn't able to make good on my promise to put up the eclipse playlist earlier. i actually didn't even get it from K. until this week because things have been so hectic (i've had no routine, and therefore have only been online once in a great while).

but with no further ado, here is the awesomeness that is another K. playlist, this time for eclipse:

- as tall as lions: where do i stand (jacob writing letters)
- athlete: tourist (realizing highschool is almost over, trip to FL)
- city & colour: what makes a man? (visiting jake, arguing over edward)
- the honorary title: everything i once had (rosalie)
- anberlin: dismantle.repair (acoustic) (jacob, my jacob)
- mute math: you are mine (reconciliation)
- the snake, the cross, the crown: hot anger, soon cold (things missing)
- mewithoutyou: world am i! (and shadow) (bonfire with the pack)
- biffy clyro: love has a diameter (graduation, persuasion)
- frou frou: breathe in (bride to be)
- cursive: the recluse (jasper)
- far-less: surprise funeral (for the charmed) (they may not all survive)
- city & colour: day old hate (watching jacob sleep)
- death cab for cutie: we looked like giants (graduation)
- silverchair: world upon your shoulders (training)
- snow patrol: open your eyes (engagement)
- lydia: ...ha yeah it got pretty bad (camping in the snow)
- alexisonfire: you burn first (the fight)
- bon iver: the wolves (act I and II) (jacob recovering)
- death cab for cutie: translatlanticism (bella makes her decisions)
- barcelona: please don't go (jake)

my favorites are probably obvious: death cab, city & colour, barcelona, lydia. it's funny how i was pretty territorial about songs - i didn't want my favorites to be used on the jake storyline. i got over it, 1) because the songs fit, and 2) because of the preview (lol). what can i say, maybe i am shallow after all? :)

who i am meets who i used to be

what i'm listening to: "come on get higher" - matt nathanson

there's something to be said about experiencing again the life you used to have and realizing that it was amazing. in college, i used to go shows. (and by show i mean a small-ish concert, of a certain genre of music - so i'm not counting the rolling stones or van morrison, or jr. gong, etc.). not as many as i should have, or would have like, or that many of my others friends managed to go to, but enough so that it was a big part of my life.

the showbox. el corazon. the crowds. the small venues. the stages. hoodies. chucks. tattoos. cigarettes and beer. amazing music. taking back sunday. the used. brand new. greenwheel. thrice. all-american rejects. ben lee. 30 seconds to mars. nofx. mxpx. new found glory. death cab for cutie. eisley. something corporate. dashboard confessional. the starting line. yellowcard.

more.

and then i just stopped going. i don't know why, but i know i've missed it.

so last night, for the first time in probably 4 years, i've gone to a show. B., who may just be one of my long-lost musical soulmates, and i went to see jack's mannequin at the warfield in san francisco. low vs. diamond and matt nathanson opened for them. and it was so just what i needed. jm played every single song i wanted/needed to hear. made even more epic by the fact that i really do think "dark blue" is one of those songs that helped me survive the second half of last year. we sang, we danced, we screamed at the top of our lungs.

we were in college again. can i be in college more often?

for K: jack's mannequin is my jimmy eat world.

unfortunately, my little digital didn't take the greatest pictures, so instead i'm posting some videos from last night that people have already uploaded.

because i haven't done a twilight post in a while

here are some bullets for ya:

• got the dvd last week. special features are all right, and seem better when you can kill flight time by watching them on the plane. i've also decided that the best scene in the movie is when they're playing iron & wine at the prom.
• watching the dvd made me want to read the book again. it was strange though, because it wasn't the same as the first or second time, you know? i guess i'm reading it for details now, rather than the story. and i can put it down this time, which is actually refreshing.
• i found a really fun new blog over at free and flawed. that in and of itself doesn't have anything to do with twilight, but she did write this really funny piece for guidespot.com on the books, entitled "why your girlfriend shouldn't read/see twilight" which you can find here.
• i was in washington this past weekend for M. and J.'s beautiful wedding in sequim. we drove to forks and la push for the hell of it. it rained, snowed, hailed, and cleared up in the hour and a half drive there, which is typical of washington and almost endearing at this point. forks, as we all know, is just your average, small logging town on the peninsula, though it does now have a very busy, thriving "dazzled by twilight" shop kept afloat by a constant influx of teenage girls in "team edward" shirts. there's also a tour you can take, complete in a black twilight tour bus, to see all the sites mentioned in the book. i did not take the tour, for those who are worried/wondering. but because i'm constantly looking for new ways of torturing N., i did consider it. what else is a girlfriend to do, after all?
  
• la push is absolutely beautiful, and it gave me the opportunity to see the sign announcing that travelers are now on the quileute res, thereby putting them on notice that they're under tribal law (i understand that this is only interesting to me, since i work in indian law, so don't feel bad if you're like, "what?").
• for those of you living under a rock, you should definitely check out some of the highpoints in rpatz' GQ shoot.
  
• my bff is currently busy working on her eclipse playlist. if i haven't made this clear already, she makes AWESOME playlists, mainly because she has the best taste in music of anyone i've ever met. she's already made a twilight playlist, and a new moon playlist. she's amazing. i'm going to go ahead and say that hers were better than the actual soundtrack, but i may be biased because i love her, and i love a lot of the bands she used.

and just for fun, here are a few pics from my pilgrimage:

the sign that everyone by now knows and loves, and the infamous bus. for just $30 a head, you too can sit on this bus and drive around forks, instead of just taking your own car even though it's impossible to get lost in forks!



this is the sign i was talking about. (and yes, jacob is supposedly quileute).

the beautiful la push. the res school is down near the beach, and i couldn't help thinking that i would never get any work done with this in my backyard.

back from paradise

this video always makes me miss hawaii. listened to this song a few times on the flight back.

thoughts regarding the glitz and glam

so this post is gonna be a little different. i'm watching both the E! pre-show and the grammy's, and i thought i'd just post my thoughts as they come during the show. it'll be like you're all watching the grammy's with me!

*note: the links may not go to the right pictures after a while b/c they've been updating the photos and changing everything around online. sorry!*

• is it just me, or is katy perry super cute? the bubble-gum pink dress and lipstick is working for her. as is the glam 'do. and does anyone else think she looks a lot like hilarie burton?
• "you don't take sand to the beach" - paris hilton, whose dress is as short as her hair.
• why was ryan seacrest being such a douche to taylor swift?!
  
• uh-oh. did chris brown go ike turner on rihanna?
• HOLY SHIT U2 OPENED! love love love love love. favorite. band. EVER. also, i love that bono feels he can act a fool just because he's bono. at least now we know that bono can't really dance.
• i find it odd that no one really "hosts" the grammy's anymore. it's just really a bunch of different presenters. saves us the painfully unfunny jokes, i guess.
  
• whitney's out of rehab?! too bad she can't sing anymore. what an american tragedy. and did she get plastic surgery?! wait, is she HIGH?!
• al green, justin timberlake, keith urban, and boys to men as back-up. nice save, grammy's.
• now, i love carrie underwood. but she needs a new album like ryan seacrest needs a punch in the face. but i gotta love her glitter mic's.
  
• that's 1 for coldplay.
  
• i muted kid rock. enough said.
• alright, so am i the only one on earth who actually listens when miley cyrus sings? because she can't sing. she's cute, but homegirl cannot sing! and next to taylor swift, who sounds so delicate? omg. i may have to mute this too.
• jennifer hudson is like a throwback to the singers of yesteryear. when talent mattered more than the size of your waist. she's so classy. and it's so nice to hear music being celebrated again.
• stevie wonder and the jonas brothers?! i'm gonna be honest right now and say that i don't understand the whole jonas brothers thing. talk about a wannabe hipster version of a the boy band phenom. but i guess no one understood the nsync thing years ago either, huh? what goes around... but man, stevie...what were you thinking? superstitious would have been great all by yourself.
• BLINK 182 REUNION ANYONE!? and how much do i love that mark hoppus just clowned the jonas brothers?
• that's 2 for coldplay.
• katy perry looked like a fruit basket during her performance. lol. but i think that was the idea. although she's not the best performer all in all. a bit disappointing.
• over it, kanye. but damn, your songs are catchy as hell. your hair, on the other hand? killing me. all that jheri curl/fauxhawk needs in its beginning stages is some soul glo.
  
• although i haven't fully boarded the adele train, i'm glad she won. she seems like a cool chick.
• so morgan freeman and kenny chesney are bff's now? that's not weird.
  
• robert plant (makes me want to write robert pattinson, but what doesn't? lol.) and allison krauss are owning the grammy's right now.
  
• the fact that M.I.A. is at the grammy's, and is performing, on her due date is out of control. who does that? performance kinda killed it though, i'm not going to lie.
  
• kate beckinsale is officially about an inch thick around the waist. is it okay to hate her?
  
• for the life of me, i can't figure out why i don't care for john mayer's music very much. but he won best male pop vocal, so maybe i should jump on the bandwagon.
• adele is performing barefoot, and she didn't do a costume change. that alone is commendable.
• gotta give it up to the grammy's for all the creative/strange collaborations this year. timberlake, al green and company? mcartney and grohl? sugarland and adele? radiohead and the usc trojan marching band? lil wayne and robin thicke (the wannabe timberlake)?
  
• so t.i. is my secret hip-hop crush (minus the arms dealing, obviously). just thought i'd put that out there. really loved his performance with justin timberlake. and how he is desperately trying to mitigate his sentence with his good-message songs and reality community service tv show.
• more obama love/expectations. did you not expect it?
  
• "sweet caroline...ba, ba, bahhhh! good times never seem so good...so good! so good...so good!" - neil diamond. why is this the perfect i'm-drunk-in-a-bar-in-a-foreign-country-with-a-bunch-of-my-drunk-friends song?
  
• just fyi: i feel like this is the never ending grammy awards. every time i think it's over, some new performer comes on. i'm sleepy. end already!
• new orleans still got it!
• someone get t-pain and will.i.am. a mirror, stat.
• zooey deschanel is adorable, but what is she doing at the grammy's?
• i usually love allison krauss, but this plant/krauss song is putting me to sleep right now.
• album of the year: like i said, plant and krauss killed the grammy's this year.
  

overall, a good show. ok, seriously, good night everyone!

no, no, you need a REAL job.

just some randomness tonight:

over break, my mother said something interesting to me. i tried talking to her about the fact that i'm not sure i still want to be a lawyer. i tried talking to a bunch of my family about that and got the same stunned disbelief from everyone. none of them can understand why i would pass up the opportunity to get such good paying jobs when i have them at my fingertips. i guess a part of me still understands that. it wasn't too long ago that my driving force was the fear of being poor again. it's not an easy life, and i can see why my family, my parents in particular, need to believe that i'll go through with becoming a lawyer. i'm the first college graduate in my family. i'm the first to go to law school. i'm the first to, in the most conventional senses of the word, "succeed." so for my mother, hearing me say that this career that i've worked so hard for may not be what i want must be terrifying.

i've never not known what i wanted. in fact, i may be the only one in my family who has ever set out to do something ambitious and followed through with it. it's what i'm known for. my stubborn ambitious drive. if i will something to happen, it'll happen simply because i refuse to accept anything less. i guess the fact that i wasn't a hot success at law school (aka, i'm not top 10% in case you're wondering) has kinda showed me what all that stubbornness has got me: not a whole lot.

i'm not happy. that's just the bottom line. i'm not happy.

and when i sit and think about what really makes me happy, i can think of things i'm interested in (indigenous rights and policy, environmental and wildlife conservation) and the things i'm passionate about (writing, travel). and so over break, i told my mother that i really want to write something. i want to write a book. now, this is a huge confession for me, to say this out loud and approach it, well, realistically.

and my mother says this: "well, maybe you need to do that. maybe you just need to get it out of your system before you get a real job."

i almost died on the spot.

how can my mother, this woman who loves me so much, who comforts me through any hardship, who knows me so well, actually know me so very little when it comes down to it?

sigh.

all this is just to say that i've started writing again. tonight. i've started writing for fun, for myself, and it feels like it's been forever since that last happened.

maybe i'll get it out of my system.

but i doubt it. this is me. this is who i am. and one day i'll let them see that, and they'll understand.

other than that, here's some fluff for you:

1. i'm obsessed with O.A.R.'s "shattered" at the moment. i predict it'll be on repeat for the next several days. but it's inspired me, so i'll just go with it, as usual.
2. if you're following me on twitter, you know i've become a fan of "the city". i wasn't huge on "laguna beach" or "the hills" but for the some reason, i love this spin-off. there's just something about it. maybe it was that whitney found an apartment in tonight's episode, and i'm desperate for an apartment at the moment. i need to move out. need. but if that's not it, then hot jay doesn't hurt either. incidentally, tonight's episode also had the best song placement that i've heard in a while. you tube it. the last scene with beyonce's "if i were a boy".
3. i've begun the ever-looming post-graduation job search. here's what i've got so far: i'm applying for an internship (another internship! will i never get a real job?) with penguin group, as well as a 1-year associate position at random house. yes, those are publishing houses. no, they have nothing to do with law. yes, they are in new york city. and yes, i do realize i'm in a long-term monogamous relationship with a high school teacher in the bay area. (we'll deal with this when/if the time comes). i'm also applying for a few fellowships, which are in fact legal in nature (including the one at the firm i'm currently at), a public policy publishing internship, and one internship position located in wellington, nz. yes, new zealand. SO, here's my plea to everyone out there (readers, commenters, lurkers alike), if you come across any interesting open positions in the fields of public interest law, public policy, indigenous rights, environmental rights/law/protection, wildlife conservation, publishing, editing, travel, writing, and/or research, please send them my way (mandyland67@gmail.com). lol. until the writing thing pans out, this is obviously my search for a REAL job.
   

random additions

1. so i just did about three loads of laundry. i noticed my laundry needed to be done when, a few days ago, i was forced to wear a shirt i haven't worn in 2 years. this happens every semester during finals. anyway, i now have clean clothes (woo-hoo!), and as i'm putting those clothes away in my closet, i'm struck by this alarming realization: nearly ALL of my clothes are solid colored. i just took another look, and i think i can see FOUR shirts with print on them. FOUR! does this make be boring, or consistent? does it mean i'm afraid to try new things, or that i'm a woman who knows my own mind? the things you think about on laundry day...
2. i'd forgotten how much i love missy higgins. here are some of my favorite missy higgins songs. the first one, "sugarcane," is a particular favorite.