p.s. "manhattan" is great.
November 29, 2008
today's obsession
just a quick and dirty post because i can't stop listening to this album. hence, today's obsession:
p.s. "manhattan" is great.
p.s. "manhattan" is great.
November 27, 2008
impossibly excited
it may be time to move on from twilight. at least until new moon comes out. and what better way?
November 23, 2008
twilight review!
so the twilight movie has finally been released and i, for one, was really excited to see it. some friends and i braved the masses of tweens on friday night and were able to get our first looks at the film. here are my thoughts:
- i've never been a great judge of movies. no one i know will ever claim that i have amazing taste in my favorite flicks, and will actually probably be more likely to say that i tend to love awesomely bad movies. so the fact that i liked twilight should come as no surprise to anyone. it isn't a great movie. i'm not delusional enough to think it is. but i liked it just the same.
- the cheese factor in this movie is through the roof. i mean, at times the awkwardness was straight up painful. (picture me, hands over face, cringing into my sister and whispering over and over, "ohmygod, i can't watch, i can't watch, i can't watch.") but that's sort of how the book is, you know? edward's lines are cheesy. the romance is cheesy. that's why we love it. because it's not real life. and i feel like those lines almost had to be kept in the movie to even keep the movie true to the book. if edward was just this smooth guy, he wouldn't be edward. because edward is most definitely not smooth. he's a melodramatic manic depressive obsessive compulsive stalker vampire. so while i admit that, at times, the pained look that crossed edward's film-face was over the top, i'll deal with it. besides, it's robert pattinson's face. who wouldn't deal with it?!
- speaking of cheesy lines, the lion and lamb line was kept in! and it wasn't nearly as bad as it could have been! i thought the actors pulled it off much as it could have been pulled off. besides, if that line was taken out of the movie, could you imagine the riots that would cause?
- i didn't have as much faith in kristen stewart playing bella as i should have. because i really enjoyed her portrayal. it came across truer to bella than i thought it would, and that was a pleasant surprise i wasn't expecting. the voice over in particular set the movie for me right from the start, and i think she had the right tone when delivering it.
- charlie was awesome. one of my favorite characters in the movie, while he wasn't necessarily one of my favorites in the books.
- i think i was prepared for the beginning half of the movie to be rushed, so it wasn't that bad for me. some of the girls i watched the movie with were disappointed with the speed at which bella and edward's relationship developed since, as we all know, it took nearly 300 pages for that same relationship to develop in the book. but i was impressed that it even took as long as it did in the movie. i thought it was a clever adaptation in that they had to fit an entire week of back and forth questioning between the book's bella and edward into about 5 minutes for the movie's bella and edward.
- oh, the sparkling-in-the-sun scene. should have left it out... i think we all would have understood. they should also probably steer away from doing close-ups of the characters while they're flying. like, the mid-air shot of bella and edward when edward is flying from one tree to the next? baaaad effect.
- can i just say how excited i was that iron & wine's "flightless bird, american mouth" ended up being the prom song playing in the last scene? which was also my favorite scene in the movie. i love love love that song.
- um, i want a volvo c30. cutest little sports car ever.
- supporting cast: i've said it once, i'll say it again. i have a girl crush on alice. which is why i wish she was in the movie more, but i guess we can look forward to that more now that the next books are being adapted! oh, and dear jasper: what is up with your expressions?! you are so cute in real life! why do you look so strange in the film? love, kahea. emmett and rosalie are perfect emmetts and rosalies, and i loved the supporting cast playing bella's human friends. jessica in particular was awesome in that way that she was the girl you knew in high school that you were great frenemies with. bad vamps = bad vamps. and hot james was, well, hot.
- baseball scene was actually better on the big screen than i thought it was in the book. maybe because i'm not a big baseball person. or sports person in general for that matter. that look that rosalie shoots bella when she's called out...i think i've seen my older sister give girls that look before. i pitied them, and i pitied bella.
- what can i say about jacob? not impressed with the wig. pull it back in a pony-tail and maybe it'll work. and that's all i've got. i figure i'll have enough to say about him in the next couple movies. (though isn't the actor playing jacob just adorable?)
- the makeup. hmmmmm... i think here i have to join the critics and ask what the eff was up with edward's lipstick?! i mean, i get that they have to have pale skin (though carlisle's skin may have been a bit too powdery), but edward's lipstick is practically darker than mine.
- i think one of my least favorite scenes was the hospital scene. and i'm not sure what this says about the entire movie itself, so i'm just going to write it here and see what everyone else thinks. i'm talking about several lines of dialogue specifically. those lines where edward is telling bella that she should go to jacksonville and bella starts freaking out saying how he can't leave her and all that. and i don't know. that felt rushed for me, more than the entire beginning part of the movie did. but i think it felt rushed because the beginning was rushed. it just felt like, "really? you're that in love with him already? i didn't get that..." so i don't know. that was my big complaint with the script, i think. i'm just not sure if that one little complaint is a reflection on the whole script, you know?
- biggest drawback of the movie for me was the crowd in the theater i watched it in. i mean, i get that people love robert pattinson, and love edward's character even more. but seriously? you're in a public theater. so that means you should shut up during a movie. if you want to cat call, yell out some pretty disgusting suggestions (that, btw, would be totally illegal because you're all jail bait), and propose to the actor on the screen in front of you, wait until the movie comes out on dvd, rent it, and do those things in the comfort of your own living room. i mean, yes, there were times when i laughed out loud at the awkwardness. and even more times when i clenched my hands in anticipation for what i knew was coming next (i.e. the big kiss), but i'm not going to sit there screaming. but i guess that's what i get for watching it with 13 year olds. my one consolation? the theater gave away raffles right before the movie started. just pins, posters, t-shirts, and the grand prize of all three. guess who won the grand prize? that's right, yours truly! so when i walked back to my seat with my loot, some 15 year old begs, "ohhh, can i have it, pleeease?" and i get to snootily say no, then hand it all to my little sister. best moment ever.
he owes me BIG for apaloosa.
November 19, 2008
interesting...
a crash course in hawaiian history...or not.
on one hand, i'm glad that a movie is being made, because i don't think a lot of people are aware of what happened to hawaii. and i guess i understand why they had to add a romance that for all intents and purposes never even happened into it. this is hollywood, after all. but on the other hand, i definitely think it could have been compelling enough without the romance.
i guess i can only say that i hope q'orianka kilcher (who, don't get me wrong, i support whole-heartedly as a native actress) plays princess ka'iulani as a strong woman. because i'd like to think she was a strong woman who would have made even more of a difference in the fate of hawaii had she lived.
on one hand, i'm glad that a movie is being made, because i don't think a lot of people are aware of what happened to hawaii. and i guess i understand why they had to add a romance that for all intents and purposes never even happened into it. this is hollywood, after all. but on the other hand, i definitely think it could have been compelling enough without the romance.
i guess i can only say that i hope q'orianka kilcher (who, don't get me wrong, i support whole-heartedly as a native actress) plays princess ka'iulani as a strong woman. because i'd like to think she was a strong woman who would have made even more of a difference in the fate of hawaii had she lived.
November 18, 2008
hello, blog. i'm back
i've been absent lately, almost 2 weeks now, actually. and i have excuses to boot. but i guess that'll all be covered. i just know that a lot of what i've been thinking/feeling/seeing for the passed 14 days won't make it into this post, and that's a shame. but i won't remember it all, nor will i know how/where to fit it in so that i don't appear a mumbling mass of incoherent writer. so this post will be what it is. in absentia and all.
so my last post was on election night. there are no words to express what it is like watching history happen in front of your eyes. watching hope spring, i guess. i mean, it really is something amazing to see that simple and that complex of an emotion once you thought it dead. as sad as it is, i honestly thought hope was dead in americans. at least when it came to america. and to see it again was so encouraging. i mean, it's obvious (and the obama camp keeps saying it like a mantra) that our country is in a terrible state right now, and fixing it won't be easy, and it won't happen overnight. but the fact that americans are even hoping that it can happen at all says something in and of itself.
i'm going to admit now that i was on the fence for a while. i wanted hillary to be the democratic nominee. not because i didn't want it to be obama. but because obama didn't give me any reason not to want it to be hillary. and then when he won, i thought to myself, "okay, now show me. show me why you deserve my vote, not by default, but by policy." and on top of that, mccain has sound Indian policy, sound immigration policy, he's worked with Hawaii senators on issues for Native Hawaiians, and his history as a vet (though by now I think everyone's sick of it, but at the time...) did make an impression on me. but then palin happened. and, oh, she happened big.
i have never, in my life, been so afraid of the american people. i was terrified that they would vote her into office. now, i'm not the jon stewart type of girl, okay? i generally dislike when people make any kind of fun of others. and i really dislike when they make money off of it. does no one else find this rude and...unclassy? anyway, regardless of this personality quirk of mine, can i just say how tina fey became my overnight hero? those skits...wow. tina fey single-handedly immortalized the idiocy that was palin-for-vice-president.
and, i mean, come on! palin over biden?! really?! i love biden. i think he's going to be amazing. and that choice, in the end, is what solidified the obama vote for me. even over the palin-upchuck-reflex. for me, obama choosing biden said, "hey, this guy may not have experience, but he's smart enough to recognize his weaknesses and plan accordingly. he'll surround himself with people who's strengths he can play off of. he's already making great decisions."
and so obama got my vote. and i voted in what is undoubtedly the most historic presidential election our country has seen yet.
but in the midst of this amazing win for america's future (fingers crossed!), came the california prop 8 vote.
now, i'm not a california voter, and i was really glad i wasn't. because, and i know this may be hard for some to hear, but i'm not sure how i would have voted, and i probably would have left that box blank.
it's a really difficult position for me to be in. because on one hand, i'm the type of person who respects the law enough that i think legislating my religious beliefs on another is not acceptable. they are my beliefs, and not anyone elses. we have civil rights for a reason: because everyone, no matter what, should be treated equally. not allowing someone to marry because of who they are marrying is not equality.
but on the other hand, these are my beliefs. well, they should be. i grew up in a very christian family. my aunt and grandmother are pastors, for crying out loud. my step mother is ordained. whenever i come to my father with a problem, i can almost count on this being the first answer i hear: "well, you need to pray about it, baby. you know, only the lord knows the right answer." so it becomes difficult when faced with a decision that invokes all of these religious ties, and when you grow up learning that, from that perspective, this is wrong. and while no one should be able to legislate their beliefs on someone else, isn't that why we're a democracy? so that it's not one person's beliefs becoming law? but rather, it's the majority's opinion, religious or no. the problem, i guess, arises when so much of the country is of one religious persuasion.
so i guess i wanted to ask God what he believes is right. do we deny people their happiness? their opportunity to be just like the rest of us? is that what he wanted? and if so, why? why were people created in ways that would deny them their rights? what did He mean by doing this?
do you think we'll ever get our answers? isn't that what faith is? the belief that He's already given you the answers? am i just looking for an easy way out?
i told you i had some complicated things to write. :)
things have sort of finally settled down though, and i'm glad. i'm not sure how much more i could have taken. the reason i haven't blogged in a while was because i've been in trial mode. i had my culminating event for my trial practice class this passed weekend. that event was a three hour trial. i was on a firm of 3, defense-counsel, and for my part, i had to do 2 cross-exams of plaintiff's experts, one 776 exam of an adverse witness, and one direct examination.
i can say two things about this first trial experience of mine:
first, i was not cut out to be a trial lawyer. it's just honest-to-goodness not in me. i don't thrive in that kind of pressured environment. i dislike the subtle, underhanded hostility that goes on between plaintiff's counsel and defense counsel. you know that feeling that you're told you'll get? the adrenaline feeling that you'll crave after the first time you try it? yeah, i don't feel that. i feel slightly sick each time i think of having to ever go to trial. to ever stand in front of a bunch of strangers and convince them that i'm right, while someone else is trying to convince them that i'm wrong and i can't just turn to that person and say, "shove it!" the procedure of trials themselves are just mind-boggling. and the stress is quite frankly not worth it.
second, if i were ever going to do this again? i'd be a rockstar at cross-exams. they say that you can tell what kind of trial lawyering style you'd have after the very first time. they're right. i'm great at crosses because i can attack someone without seeming to attack them. my boyfriend watched me during the trial and said he felt pity for the people i crossed, because they didn't know what was coming. i just sweetly box them in, and box them in, and box them in, until i finally have them exactly where i want them, and then i ruin them. it's because i have a sweet and shy sort of personality (in front of strangers. i should make that clarification because my friends are laughing their asses off in disbelief right now.). the cross is sort of like lulling the witness into complacency, and then impeaching them. and it helps knowing that i know every single answer they're going to give me.
while gearing up for the trial, i found myself thinking one night on the commute home about how amazing the human body is. i mean, speaking of my body, i'm constantly amazed at how much it can endure. how much it can...stretch...to accommodate the crap i do to it. and not just the body like, the muscles or bones or tissues and stuff. but more specifically, the mind. i mean, i don't think it's a secret that i've felt like i'm being held together by fraying thread at the moment. and last week, i think i cried on nearly every commute home. most of the time because of the sheer exhaustion of having to think about a million things at once and not knowing what to do about any of them. and the fact that i was able to deal enough to do a trial just really made me appreciate my body and mind more. and made me wonder where my limits are. because if these aren't it, was i made to withstand more? am i going to have to?
there's this carrie underwood song where the lyrics say something about the mountain you've been climbing being just a grain of sand. what a thought.
and speaking of carrie underwood. i went to her concert saturday night as a "congratulations, you survived trial practice!" with M. it was great. i miss going to shows. B. and i are planning on making more time for them next semester. i'm glad. i feel like i'm making moves to reclaim the part of me that i regret losing at some point.
and i guess that's as good an update as any for the night! it feels good to get it all down again.
hello, blog. i missed you, too.
reminders for future posts:
favorite lines from songs
twilight movie review
sad/happy playlists
so my last post was on election night. there are no words to express what it is like watching history happen in front of your eyes. watching hope spring, i guess. i mean, it really is something amazing to see that simple and that complex of an emotion once you thought it dead. as sad as it is, i honestly thought hope was dead in americans. at least when it came to america. and to see it again was so encouraging. i mean, it's obvious (and the obama camp keeps saying it like a mantra) that our country is in a terrible state right now, and fixing it won't be easy, and it won't happen overnight. but the fact that americans are even hoping that it can happen at all says something in and of itself.
i'm going to admit now that i was on the fence for a while. i wanted hillary to be the democratic nominee. not because i didn't want it to be obama. but because obama didn't give me any reason not to want it to be hillary. and then when he won, i thought to myself, "okay, now show me. show me why you deserve my vote, not by default, but by policy." and on top of that, mccain has sound Indian policy, sound immigration policy, he's worked with Hawaii senators on issues for Native Hawaiians, and his history as a vet (though by now I think everyone's sick of it, but at the time...) did make an impression on me. but then palin happened. and, oh, she happened big.
i have never, in my life, been so afraid of the american people. i was terrified that they would vote her into office. now, i'm not the jon stewart type of girl, okay? i generally dislike when people make any kind of fun of others. and i really dislike when they make money off of it. does no one else find this rude and...unclassy? anyway, regardless of this personality quirk of mine, can i just say how tina fey became my overnight hero? those skits...wow. tina fey single-handedly immortalized the idiocy that was palin-for-vice-president.
and, i mean, come on! palin over biden?! really?! i love biden. i think he's going to be amazing. and that choice, in the end, is what solidified the obama vote for me. even over the palin-upchuck-reflex. for me, obama choosing biden said, "hey, this guy may not have experience, but he's smart enough to recognize his weaknesses and plan accordingly. he'll surround himself with people who's strengths he can play off of. he's already making great decisions."
and so obama got my vote. and i voted in what is undoubtedly the most historic presidential election our country has seen yet.
but in the midst of this amazing win for america's future (fingers crossed!), came the california prop 8 vote.
now, i'm not a california voter, and i was really glad i wasn't. because, and i know this may be hard for some to hear, but i'm not sure how i would have voted, and i probably would have left that box blank.
it's a really difficult position for me to be in. because on one hand, i'm the type of person who respects the law enough that i think legislating my religious beliefs on another is not acceptable. they are my beliefs, and not anyone elses. we have civil rights for a reason: because everyone, no matter what, should be treated equally. not allowing someone to marry because of who they are marrying is not equality.
but on the other hand, these are my beliefs. well, they should be. i grew up in a very christian family. my aunt and grandmother are pastors, for crying out loud. my step mother is ordained. whenever i come to my father with a problem, i can almost count on this being the first answer i hear: "well, you need to pray about it, baby. you know, only the lord knows the right answer." so it becomes difficult when faced with a decision that invokes all of these religious ties, and when you grow up learning that, from that perspective, this is wrong. and while no one should be able to legislate their beliefs on someone else, isn't that why we're a democracy? so that it's not one person's beliefs becoming law? but rather, it's the majority's opinion, religious or no. the problem, i guess, arises when so much of the country is of one religious persuasion.
so i guess i wanted to ask God what he believes is right. do we deny people their happiness? their opportunity to be just like the rest of us? is that what he wanted? and if so, why? why were people created in ways that would deny them their rights? what did He mean by doing this?
do you think we'll ever get our answers? isn't that what faith is? the belief that He's already given you the answers? am i just looking for an easy way out?
i told you i had some complicated things to write. :)
things have sort of finally settled down though, and i'm glad. i'm not sure how much more i could have taken. the reason i haven't blogged in a while was because i've been in trial mode. i had my culminating event for my trial practice class this passed weekend. that event was a three hour trial. i was on a firm of 3, defense-counsel, and for my part, i had to do 2 cross-exams of plaintiff's experts, one 776 exam of an adverse witness, and one direct examination.
i can say two things about this first trial experience of mine:
first, i was not cut out to be a trial lawyer. it's just honest-to-goodness not in me. i don't thrive in that kind of pressured environment. i dislike the subtle, underhanded hostility that goes on between plaintiff's counsel and defense counsel. you know that feeling that you're told you'll get? the adrenaline feeling that you'll crave after the first time you try it? yeah, i don't feel that. i feel slightly sick each time i think of having to ever go to trial. to ever stand in front of a bunch of strangers and convince them that i'm right, while someone else is trying to convince them that i'm wrong and i can't just turn to that person and say, "shove it!" the procedure of trials themselves are just mind-boggling. and the stress is quite frankly not worth it.
second, if i were ever going to do this again? i'd be a rockstar at cross-exams. they say that you can tell what kind of trial lawyering style you'd have after the very first time. they're right. i'm great at crosses because i can attack someone without seeming to attack them. my boyfriend watched me during the trial and said he felt pity for the people i crossed, because they didn't know what was coming. i just sweetly box them in, and box them in, and box them in, until i finally have them exactly where i want them, and then i ruin them. it's because i have a sweet and shy sort of personality (in front of strangers. i should make that clarification because my friends are laughing their asses off in disbelief right now.). the cross is sort of like lulling the witness into complacency, and then impeaching them. and it helps knowing that i know every single answer they're going to give me.
while gearing up for the trial, i found myself thinking one night on the commute home about how amazing the human body is. i mean, speaking of my body, i'm constantly amazed at how much it can endure. how much it can...stretch...to accommodate the crap i do to it. and not just the body like, the muscles or bones or tissues and stuff. but more specifically, the mind. i mean, i don't think it's a secret that i've felt like i'm being held together by fraying thread at the moment. and last week, i think i cried on nearly every commute home. most of the time because of the sheer exhaustion of having to think about a million things at once and not knowing what to do about any of them. and the fact that i was able to deal enough to do a trial just really made me appreciate my body and mind more. and made me wonder where my limits are. because if these aren't it, was i made to withstand more? am i going to have to?
there's this carrie underwood song where the lyrics say something about the mountain you've been climbing being just a grain of sand. what a thought.
and speaking of carrie underwood. i went to her concert saturday night as a "congratulations, you survived trial practice!" with M. it was great. i miss going to shows. B. and i are planning on making more time for them next semester. i'm glad. i feel like i'm making moves to reclaim the part of me that i regret losing at some point.
and i guess that's as good an update as any for the night! it feels good to get it all down again.
hello, blog. i missed you, too.
reminders for future posts:
favorite lines from songs
twilight movie review
sad/happy playlists
November 4, 2008
November 3, 2008
mid-day update
so two things for this mid-day update, i guess.
FIRST:
and SECOND, a little inspiration from ms. rhea:
A Message by George Carlin:
The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.
We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.
We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.
We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space We've done larger things, but not better things.
We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.
These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete...
Remember, spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever.
Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side.
Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent.
Remember, to say, 'I love you' to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you.
Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again.
Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.
AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.
FIRST:
and SECOND, a little inspiration from ms. rhea:
A Message by George Carlin:
The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.
We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.
We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.
We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space We've done larger things, but not better things.
We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.
These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete...
Remember, spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever.
Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side.
Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent.
Remember, to say, 'I love you' to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you.
Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again.
Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.
AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.
November 2, 2008
one way streets
i'm feeling sad again tonight for no good reason. i mean, i could think of a thousand reasons, but none of them are good enough. i think i'm just scraping the bottom of the barrel energy- and emotion-wise. i can feel myself on this one way street to burnout and i just can't make myself get off.
and in the midst of this, there's this irritating question lingering in the back of my mind that just refuses to go away: after i graduate from law school, if i choose not to take the bar and not to become a lawyer, what will i do?
it's terrifying, to say the least.
i'm one of those people that needs direction in life. i've built my future in my head already and it's all contingent on this next step. on graduating and getting a job. on being a lawyer. and lately i've been wondering if i even want that future anymore.
do you have any idea what it does to your head to question this much of who you are?
what do you do when your plan doesn't seem as good as it once did? do you cut and run? find another plan? find another future? realize that you're still young, you haven't signed a contract in blood, you can change?
or do you stick it out? say, "suck it up, you're getting everything you want!"? do you power through until [hopefully] the feeling of discontent and utter...sadness...passes?
i guess i thought i was done with the drastic changes. so stupid to think so, right? but i thought that i had it figured out (and those of you who really know me are rolling their eyes right now). i mean, i honest to goodness thought that i would want to do what i'm setting out to do, and i'd want to do it for the foreseeable future. and i'm one of those people who almost stubbornly clings to my decisions. which is why i'm where i am right now, i guess.
and it's not just the career part of my life. it's others. but i think those are still a little too scary of prospects for me to face. i'll have to soon. i know i will. but i don't think i can just this minute. call me a chicken, i don't care.
i don't know. i don't think i'm making sense. i'm going to stop, try to gather my thoughts, get some work done, and hopefully write a little later this week with a clearer picture for you all.
in other news, my happy music playlist is growing!
and in the midst of this, there's this irritating question lingering in the back of my mind that just refuses to go away: after i graduate from law school, if i choose not to take the bar and not to become a lawyer, what will i do?
it's terrifying, to say the least.
i'm one of those people that needs direction in life. i've built my future in my head already and it's all contingent on this next step. on graduating and getting a job. on being a lawyer. and lately i've been wondering if i even want that future anymore.
do you have any idea what it does to your head to question this much of who you are?
what do you do when your plan doesn't seem as good as it once did? do you cut and run? find another plan? find another future? realize that you're still young, you haven't signed a contract in blood, you can change?
or do you stick it out? say, "suck it up, you're getting everything you want!"? do you power through until [hopefully] the feeling of discontent and utter...sadness...passes?
i guess i thought i was done with the drastic changes. so stupid to think so, right? but i thought that i had it figured out (and those of you who really know me are rolling their eyes right now). i mean, i honest to goodness thought that i would want to do what i'm setting out to do, and i'd want to do it for the foreseeable future. and i'm one of those people who almost stubbornly clings to my decisions. which is why i'm where i am right now, i guess.
and it's not just the career part of my life. it's others. but i think those are still a little too scary of prospects for me to face. i'll have to soon. i know i will. but i don't think i can just this minute. call me a chicken, i don't care.
i don't know. i don't think i'm making sense. i'm going to stop, try to gather my thoughts, get some work done, and hopefully write a little later this week with a clearer picture for you all.
in other news, my happy music playlist is growing!
October 29, 2008
time capsule
found this while searching to no avail through the bowels of one of my email accounts for something or other.
one of the dean's at UW pointed this out to me before i graduated, and i in turn emailed it to all of my friends.
i'm posting it here to remind myself of something i so often and easily forget: perspective.
Stanford Report, June 14, 2005
'You've got to find what you love,' Jobs says
This is the text of the Commencement address by Steve Jobs, CEO of Apple Computer and of Pixar Animation Studios, delivered on June 12, 2005.
I am honored to be with you today at your commencement from one of the finest universities in the world. I never graduated from college. Truth be told, this is the closest I've ever gotten to a college graduation. Today I want to tell you three stories from my life. That's it. No big deal. Just three stories.
The first story is about connecting the dots.
I dropped out of Reed College after the first 6 months, but then stayed around as a drop-in for another 18 months or so before I really quit. So why did I drop out?
It started before I was born. My biological mother was a young, unwed college graduate student, and she decided to put me up for adoption. She felt very strongly that I should be adopted by college graduates, so everything was all set for me to be adopted at birth by a lawyer and his wife. Except that when I popped out they decided at the last minute that they really wanted a girl. So my parents, who were on a waiting list, got a call in the middle of the night asking: "We have an unexpected baby boy; do you want him?" They said: "Of course." My biological mother later found out that my mother had never graduated from college and that my father had never graduated from high school. She refused to sign the final adoption papers. She only relented a few months later when my parents promised that I would someday go to college.
And 17 years later I did go to college. But I naively chose a college that was almost as expensive as Stanford, and all of my working-class parents' savings were being spent on my college tuition. After six months, I couldn't see the value in it. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life and no idea how college was going to help me figure it out. And here I was spending all of the money my parents had saved their entire life. So I decided to drop out and trust that it would all work out OK. It was pretty scary at the time, but looking back it was one of the best decisions I ever made. The minute I dropped out I could stop taking the required classes that didn't interest me, and begin dropping in on the ones that looked interesting.
It wasn't all romantic. I didn't have a dorm room, so I slept on the floor in friends' rooms, I returned coke bottles for the 5¢ deposits to buy food with, and I would walk the 7 miles across town every Sunday night to get one good meal a week at the Hare Krishna temple. I loved it. And much of what I stumbled into by following my curiosity and intuition turned out to be priceless later on. Let me give you one example:
Reed College at that time offered perhaps the best calligraphy instruction in the country. Throughout the campus every poster, every label on every drawer, was beautifully hand calligraphed. Because I had dropped out and didn't have to take the normal classes, I decided to take a calligraphy class to learn how to do this. I learned about serif and san serif typefaces, about varying the amount of space between different letter combinations, about what makes great typography great. It was beautiful, historical, artistically subtle in a way that science can't capture, and I found it fascinating.
None of this had even a hope of any practical application in my life. But ten years later, when we were designing the first Macintosh computer, it all came back to me. And we designed it all into the Mac. It was the first computer with beautiful typography. If I had never dropped in on that single course in college, the Mac would have never had multiple typefaces or proportionally spaced fonts. And since Windows just copied the Mac, its likely that no personal computer would have them. If I had never dropped out, I would have never dropped in on this calligraphy class, and personal computers might not have the wonderful typography that they do. Of course it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college. But it was very, very clear looking backwards ten years later.
Again, you can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something - your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.
My second story is about love and loss.
I was lucky – I found what I loved to do early in life. Woz and I started Apple in my parents garage when I was 20. We worked hard, and in 10 years Apple had grown from just the two of us in a garage into a $2 billion company with over 4000 employees. We had just released our finest creation - the Macintosh - a year earlier, and I had just turned 30. And then I got fired. How can you get fired from a company you started? Well, as Apple grew we hired someone who I thought was very talented to run the company with me, and for the first year or so things went well. But then our visions of the future began to diverge and eventually we had a falling out. When we did, our Board of Directors sided with him. So at 30 I was out. And very publicly out. What had been the focus of my entire adult life was gone, and it was devastating.
I really didn't know what to do for a few months. I felt that I had let the previous generation of entrepreneurs down - that I had dropped the baton as it was being passed to me. I met with David Packard and Bob Noyce and tried to apologize for screwing up so badly. I was a very public failure, and I even thought about running away from the valley. But something slowly began to dawn on me – I still loved what I did. The turn of events at Apple had not changed that one bit. I had been rejected, but I was still in love. And so I decided to start over.
I didn't see it then, but it turned out that getting fired from Apple was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. The heaviness of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again, less sure about everything. It freed me to enter one of the most creative periods of my life.
During the next five years, I started a company named NeXT, another company named Pixar, and fell in love with an amazing woman who would become my wife. Pixar went on to create the worlds first computer animated feature film, Toy Story, and is now the most successful animation studio in the world. In a remarkable turn of events, Apple bought NeXT, I returned to Apple, and the technology we developed at NeXT is at the heart of Apple's current renaissance. And Laurene and I have a wonderful family together.
I'm pretty sure none of this would have happened if I hadn't been fired from Apple. It was awful tasting medicine, but I guess the patient needed it. Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don't lose faith. I'm convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You've got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don't settle.
My third story is about death.
When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: "If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you'll most certainly be right." It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: "If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?" And whenever the answer has been "No" for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.
Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything – all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.
About a year ago I was diagnosed with cancer. I had a scan at 7:30 in the morning, and it clearly showed a tumor on my pancreas. I didn't even know what a pancreas was. The doctors told me this was almost certainly a type of cancer that is incurable, and that I should expect to live no longer than three to six months. My doctor advised me to go home and get my affairs in order, which is doctor's code for prepare to die. It means to try to tell your kids everything you thought you'd have the next 10 years to tell them in just a few months. It means to make sure everything is buttoned up so that it will be as easy as possible for your family. It means to say your goodbyes.
I lived with that diagnosis all day. Later that evening I had a biopsy, where they stuck an endoscope down my throat, through my stomach and into my intestines, put a needle into my pancreas and got a few cells from the tumor. I was sedated, but my wife, who was there, told me that when they viewed the cells under a microscope the doctors started crying because it turned out to be a very rare form of pancreatic cancer that is curable with surgery. I had the surgery and I'm fine now.
This was the closest I've been to facing death, and I hope its the closest I get for a few more decades. Having lived through it, I can now say this to you with a bit more certainty than when death was a useful but purely intellectual concept:
No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don't want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life's change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true.
Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.
When I was young, there was an amazing publication called The Whole Earth Catalog, which was one of the bibles of my generation. It was created by a fellow named Stewart Brand not far from here in Menlo Park, and he brought it to life with his poetic touch. This was in the late 1960's, before personal computers and desktop publishing, so it was all made with typewriters, scissors, and polaroid cameras. It was sort of like Google in paperback form, 35 years before Google came along: it was idealistic, and overflowing with neat tools and great notions.
Stewart and his team put out several issues of The Whole Earth Catalog, and then when it had run its course, they put out a final issue. It was the mid-1970s, and I was your age. On the back cover of their final issue was a photograph of an early morning country road, the kind you might find yourself hitchhiking on if you were so adventurous. Beneath it were the words: "Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish." It was their farewell message as they signed off. Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish. And I have always wished that for myself. And now, as you graduate to begin anew, I wish that for you.
Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.
Thank you all very much.
one of the dean's at UW pointed this out to me before i graduated, and i in turn emailed it to all of my friends.
i'm posting it here to remind myself of something i so often and easily forget: perspective.
Stanford Report, June 14, 2005
'You've got to find what you love,' Jobs says
This is the text of the Commencement address by Steve Jobs, CEO of Apple Computer and of Pixar Animation Studios, delivered on June 12, 2005.
I am honored to be with you today at your commencement from one of the finest universities in the world. I never graduated from college. Truth be told, this is the closest I've ever gotten to a college graduation. Today I want to tell you three stories from my life. That's it. No big deal. Just three stories.
The first story is about connecting the dots.
I dropped out of Reed College after the first 6 months, but then stayed around as a drop-in for another 18 months or so before I really quit. So why did I drop out?
It started before I was born. My biological mother was a young, unwed college graduate student, and she decided to put me up for adoption. She felt very strongly that I should be adopted by college graduates, so everything was all set for me to be adopted at birth by a lawyer and his wife. Except that when I popped out they decided at the last minute that they really wanted a girl. So my parents, who were on a waiting list, got a call in the middle of the night asking: "We have an unexpected baby boy; do you want him?" They said: "Of course." My biological mother later found out that my mother had never graduated from college and that my father had never graduated from high school. She refused to sign the final adoption papers. She only relented a few months later when my parents promised that I would someday go to college.
And 17 years later I did go to college. But I naively chose a college that was almost as expensive as Stanford, and all of my working-class parents' savings were being spent on my college tuition. After six months, I couldn't see the value in it. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life and no idea how college was going to help me figure it out. And here I was spending all of the money my parents had saved their entire life. So I decided to drop out and trust that it would all work out OK. It was pretty scary at the time, but looking back it was one of the best decisions I ever made. The minute I dropped out I could stop taking the required classes that didn't interest me, and begin dropping in on the ones that looked interesting.
It wasn't all romantic. I didn't have a dorm room, so I slept on the floor in friends' rooms, I returned coke bottles for the 5¢ deposits to buy food with, and I would walk the 7 miles across town every Sunday night to get one good meal a week at the Hare Krishna temple. I loved it. And much of what I stumbled into by following my curiosity and intuition turned out to be priceless later on. Let me give you one example:
Reed College at that time offered perhaps the best calligraphy instruction in the country. Throughout the campus every poster, every label on every drawer, was beautifully hand calligraphed. Because I had dropped out and didn't have to take the normal classes, I decided to take a calligraphy class to learn how to do this. I learned about serif and san serif typefaces, about varying the amount of space between different letter combinations, about what makes great typography great. It was beautiful, historical, artistically subtle in a way that science can't capture, and I found it fascinating.
None of this had even a hope of any practical application in my life. But ten years later, when we were designing the first Macintosh computer, it all came back to me. And we designed it all into the Mac. It was the first computer with beautiful typography. If I had never dropped in on that single course in college, the Mac would have never had multiple typefaces or proportionally spaced fonts. And since Windows just copied the Mac, its likely that no personal computer would have them. If I had never dropped out, I would have never dropped in on this calligraphy class, and personal computers might not have the wonderful typography that they do. Of course it was impossible to connect the dots looking forward when I was in college. But it was very, very clear looking backwards ten years later.
Again, you can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something - your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. This approach has never let me down, and it has made all the difference in my life.
My second story is about love and loss.
I was lucky – I found what I loved to do early in life. Woz and I started Apple in my parents garage when I was 20. We worked hard, and in 10 years Apple had grown from just the two of us in a garage into a $2 billion company with over 4000 employees. We had just released our finest creation - the Macintosh - a year earlier, and I had just turned 30. And then I got fired. How can you get fired from a company you started? Well, as Apple grew we hired someone who I thought was very talented to run the company with me, and for the first year or so things went well. But then our visions of the future began to diverge and eventually we had a falling out. When we did, our Board of Directors sided with him. So at 30 I was out. And very publicly out. What had been the focus of my entire adult life was gone, and it was devastating.
I really didn't know what to do for a few months. I felt that I had let the previous generation of entrepreneurs down - that I had dropped the baton as it was being passed to me. I met with David Packard and Bob Noyce and tried to apologize for screwing up so badly. I was a very public failure, and I even thought about running away from the valley. But something slowly began to dawn on me – I still loved what I did. The turn of events at Apple had not changed that one bit. I had been rejected, but I was still in love. And so I decided to start over.
I didn't see it then, but it turned out that getting fired from Apple was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. The heaviness of being successful was replaced by the lightness of being a beginner again, less sure about everything. It freed me to enter one of the most creative periods of my life.
During the next five years, I started a company named NeXT, another company named Pixar, and fell in love with an amazing woman who would become my wife. Pixar went on to create the worlds first computer animated feature film, Toy Story, and is now the most successful animation studio in the world. In a remarkable turn of events, Apple bought NeXT, I returned to Apple, and the technology we developed at NeXT is at the heart of Apple's current renaissance. And Laurene and I have a wonderful family together.
I'm pretty sure none of this would have happened if I hadn't been fired from Apple. It was awful tasting medicine, but I guess the patient needed it. Sometimes life hits you in the head with a brick. Don't lose faith. I'm convinced that the only thing that kept me going was that I loved what I did. You've got to find what you love. And that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven't found it yet, keep looking. Don't settle. As with all matters of the heart, you'll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don't settle.
My third story is about death.
When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like: "If you live each day as if it was your last, someday you'll most certainly be right." It made an impression on me, and since then, for the past 33 years, I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself: "If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I am about to do today?" And whenever the answer has been "No" for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something.
Remembering that I'll be dead soon is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life. Because almost everything – all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.
About a year ago I was diagnosed with cancer. I had a scan at 7:30 in the morning, and it clearly showed a tumor on my pancreas. I didn't even know what a pancreas was. The doctors told me this was almost certainly a type of cancer that is incurable, and that I should expect to live no longer than three to six months. My doctor advised me to go home and get my affairs in order, which is doctor's code for prepare to die. It means to try to tell your kids everything you thought you'd have the next 10 years to tell them in just a few months. It means to make sure everything is buttoned up so that it will be as easy as possible for your family. It means to say your goodbyes.
I lived with that diagnosis all day. Later that evening I had a biopsy, where they stuck an endoscope down my throat, through my stomach and into my intestines, put a needle into my pancreas and got a few cells from the tumor. I was sedated, but my wife, who was there, told me that when they viewed the cells under a microscope the doctors started crying because it turned out to be a very rare form of pancreatic cancer that is curable with surgery. I had the surgery and I'm fine now.
This was the closest I've been to facing death, and I hope its the closest I get for a few more decades. Having lived through it, I can now say this to you with a bit more certainty than when death was a useful but purely intellectual concept:
No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don't want to die to get there. And yet death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it. And that is as it should be, because Death is very likely the single best invention of Life. It is Life's change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new. Right now the new is you, but someday not too long from now, you will gradually become the old and be cleared away. Sorry to be so dramatic, but it is quite true.
Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma - which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of other's opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.
When I was young, there was an amazing publication called The Whole Earth Catalog, which was one of the bibles of my generation. It was created by a fellow named Stewart Brand not far from here in Menlo Park, and he brought it to life with his poetic touch. This was in the late 1960's, before personal computers and desktop publishing, so it was all made with typewriters, scissors, and polaroid cameras. It was sort of like Google in paperback form, 35 years before Google came along: it was idealistic, and overflowing with neat tools and great notions.
Stewart and his team put out several issues of The Whole Earth Catalog, and then when it had run its course, they put out a final issue. It was the mid-1970s, and I was your age. On the back cover of their final issue was a photograph of an early morning country road, the kind you might find yourself hitchhiking on if you were so adventurous. Beneath it were the words: "Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish." It was their farewell message as they signed off. Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish. And I have always wished that for myself. And now, as you graduate to begin anew, I wish that for you.
Stay Hungry. Stay Foolish.
Thank you all very much.
October 26, 2008
note: i'm feeling particularly whiny tonight
so i've decided that this entire semester has pretty much been finals week. at least it feels like it has.
where have the weekends gone? where have those long, lovely days of taking long drives out to the coast, or going to the lake for a picnic, or reading a book that had absolutely nothing to do with legal ethics, gone?!
i want them baaaack!
yes, i'm whiny. and yes, it irritates me as well.
*sigh* i know, i know, i really shouldn't complain. i mean, aren't i really lucky to be where i am right now? how many kids from tiny villages on the big island of hawaii (where you're more likely to get addicted to crack or pregnant than you are to go to college) can say that they're almost at the end of the dark tunnel known as law school? how can i possibly complain that i got to go to high school at a very rich private school for free, got to go to college at the university of washington (which, for out-of-staters isn't exactly small potatoes), got to study abroad, and then got to go to law school on full scholarship?!
where do i get off complaining?
but seriously? i want those days baaaaaaaack!!!
okay, okay, okay, i'm done with that mess for the night. i'm lucky. i'm lucky. i'm lucky....
so being the lucky girl that i am, i've been working pretty much all weekend, in case it wasn't obvious by the whinage. i have a legal ethics presentation to give on tuesday on the ethical dilemmas facing in-house counsel. it's both frustratingly complicated, and outrageously boring in equal parts. i want to just add that professional responsibility is not a joke in the legal field, despite what it may seem like. proof? i've also been spending my weekend studying for the MPRE (multistate professional responsibility exam), which is sort of part of the bar in california. i totally don't think i'd have to do this if i were taking the bar in washington, but that's neither here nor there at this point. the exam's in 2 weeks (count 'em, TWO) and this saturday was the first time i actually spent some meaningful hours studying. unfortunately, as a result of being inundated with all this ethical crap (haha), i have NOT finished my memo for work on sovereign immunity, nor have i read a thing for fed. indian law tomorrow, NOR have i finished reading my depositions for trial practice!
i know i say this a lot? (yes, i meant to make that sound like a question. isn't that so high school?) but there is never enough time.
the best thing about this weekend? i purchased albums from both Fair and City & Colour. go buy them. right now, drop everything you are doing, run to your nearest borders (i'm a borders nut, don't really like barnes for some weird reason), and buy them. soooo good.
i've been trying to come up with a playlist that has my favorite mellow-introvertish-i-don't-want-to-call-it-depressing-because-it's-not songs on it (inspired by, and in response to, a fellow blogger who published a great list herself), but haven't had time. and i also feel that if i playlist those songs (did i just turn "playlist" into a verb?), then i should also playlist my favorite up-beat-listen-to-while-i'm-cleaning happy songs. and i definitely haven't had time for that. so alas, they'll have to wait for a bit. but go get Fair and City & Colour! i'm a fan!
oh, and finally i guess, i think i just had a complete blonde moment today. like, more so than any other day when i'm totally not with it. i was talking to a friend today and she mentioned how her favorite thing about the twilight books is how they model classical pieces of literature. now, i realized while reading the books that the characters often talked about the classics and critiqued the actions of those literary heroes or villains, etc., but i guess i just never realized that it was an overarching theme. it sort of makes the books cooler for me. so can someone tell me what the first book was? for twilight? because new moon = romeo and juliet, eclipse = wuthering heights, and i think breaking dawn = merchant of venice and midsummer night's dream. anyway, that was just a random thought.
is it just me or did i use an inordinate amount of parentheses in this post?
where have the weekends gone? where have those long, lovely days of taking long drives out to the coast, or going to the lake for a picnic, or reading a book that had absolutely nothing to do with legal ethics, gone?!
i want them baaaack!
yes, i'm whiny. and yes, it irritates me as well.
*sigh* i know, i know, i really shouldn't complain. i mean, aren't i really lucky to be where i am right now? how many kids from tiny villages on the big island of hawaii (where you're more likely to get addicted to crack or pregnant than you are to go to college) can say that they're almost at the end of the dark tunnel known as law school? how can i possibly complain that i got to go to high school at a very rich private school for free, got to go to college at the university of washington (which, for out-of-staters isn't exactly small potatoes), got to study abroad, and then got to go to law school on full scholarship?!
where do i get off complaining?
but seriously? i want those days baaaaaaaack!!!
okay, okay, okay, i'm done with that mess for the night. i'm lucky. i'm lucky. i'm lucky....
so being the lucky girl that i am, i've been working pretty much all weekend, in case it wasn't obvious by the whinage. i have a legal ethics presentation to give on tuesday on the ethical dilemmas facing in-house counsel. it's both frustratingly complicated, and outrageously boring in equal parts. i want to just add that professional responsibility is not a joke in the legal field, despite what it may seem like. proof? i've also been spending my weekend studying for the MPRE (multistate professional responsibility exam), which is sort of part of the bar in california. i totally don't think i'd have to do this if i were taking the bar in washington, but that's neither here nor there at this point. the exam's in 2 weeks (count 'em, TWO) and this saturday was the first time i actually spent some meaningful hours studying. unfortunately, as a result of being inundated with all this ethical crap (haha), i have NOT finished my memo for work on sovereign immunity, nor have i read a thing for fed. indian law tomorrow, NOR have i finished reading my depositions for trial practice!
i know i say this a lot? (yes, i meant to make that sound like a question. isn't that so high school?) but there is never enough time.
the best thing about this weekend? i purchased albums from both Fair and City & Colour. go buy them. right now, drop everything you are doing, run to your nearest borders (i'm a borders nut, don't really like barnes for some weird reason), and buy them. soooo good.
i've been trying to come up with a playlist that has my favorite mellow-introvertish-i-don't-want-to-call-it-depressing-because-it's-not songs on it (inspired by, and in response to, a fellow blogger who published a great list herself), but haven't had time. and i also feel that if i playlist those songs (did i just turn "playlist" into a verb?), then i should also playlist my favorite up-beat-listen-to-while-i'm-cleaning happy songs. and i definitely haven't had time for that. so alas, they'll have to wait for a bit. but go get Fair and City & Colour! i'm a fan!
oh, and finally i guess, i think i just had a complete blonde moment today. like, more so than any other day when i'm totally not with it. i was talking to a friend today and she mentioned how her favorite thing about the twilight books is how they model classical pieces of literature. now, i realized while reading the books that the characters often talked about the classics and critiqued the actions of those literary heroes or villains, etc., but i guess i just never realized that it was an overarching theme. it sort of makes the books cooler for me. so can someone tell me what the first book was? for twilight? because new moon = romeo and juliet, eclipse = wuthering heights, and i think breaking dawn = merchant of venice and midsummer night's dream. anyway, that was just a random thought.
is it just me or did i use an inordinate amount of parentheses in this post?
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