nostalgia, thy name is kahea

i miss my quints.

i dreamt of kapuaiwa last night (ohhh, that sounds so poetic when you don't know what it is!).

anyway, i had a dream about kapuaiwa, and in the dream i was doing just normal day-to-day things: coming back from dinner, taking a shower, reading a book on a friends bed, running up and down the halls. even doing saturday morning cleanings.

it made me really homesick.

and then, to top off the homesickness, my best friends and i did our periodic email updates yesterday and today, so it's the first time in a really long time i've heard from any of them. i miss them so much. you know those people in your life that know you probably better than you know yourself? who are as much family to you as your biological family is? who love you, no matter what, no matter how long the absences or how stupid the reasons, they just love you unconditionally?

those are my quints.

that was what kapuaiwa will always be for me.



alex.lehua.le'a.pukui. i miss you guys. a lot.

throwing something around...

idea:

assistant d.a. (maybe?) moves to home after living in the big-bad city for a decade or so. kind of a prodigal daughter returns thing.

but why did she ever leave?

maybe she needed freedom, success, a change of pace. or maybe she was running away from something.

but hey, she's put enough people behind bars to [maybe] make up for some of her past mistakes. and she'd love nothing more than to heal some old wounds (maybe bury them), return to where she's no longer a stranger among millions of strangers, and start the small business she's always dreamed of.

but what if that something she ran from came back with her? what if that something never even left?


*****************
i figure i know enough about small towns to write one. and i know a few future d.a.'s for research purposes. and i know my fair share of law, if i do say so myself.

i'm undecided on whether it's going to be a heroine or hero yet though. i mean, obviously there's going to be a counterpart (we all know how much i love romance...be it fantasy, paranormal, mystery or thriller, it's always romantic), i just don't know if the...foundation?...character is a male or female.

and we all know that if it ever gets written it's going to be part of a set. i can't do single titles.

now i just need some time to write...

we'll see what comes of it.

******************

oh, and just for fun, this is the small town i grew up in:

this is honomu. and i can actually see my rooftop in this image! in fact, i can identify who owns a lot of those houses..... lol. do you see that gulch near the bottom/right side of the picture? follow that road leading out of the gulch, passed the first intersection it makes with another road. right after that intersection, on the left, the first house has a red roof (it's on the corner). mine is the smaller white roof next to it (across the street from a large white roof and a large red roof).

and this is our "general store" on the main street of town. this store, ishigo's, is actually right across the street from the house i grew up in and still call home (ishigo's would be the large white roof across the street in the above pic)! right next to ishigo's (not of the red roof) is the "glass from the past" antique glass store, where i had one of my first jobs!

get your bells ready

by this time tomorrow i'll be done with this dreaded final. i know, it's not my last one (got 2 more next week), but it is BY FAR my hardest.

and it'll be over.

that alone, is cause for excessive, EXCESSIVE celebration.


AND aside from all the rest of the crap i've managed to jam into by brain in the last 2 days, i've learned a very valuable, never-to-be-forgotten lesson: i am SO not cut out for business law.

so.....here's to the home stretch. *raising my imaginary bucket filled to the brim with copious amounts of unnamed alcohol*




(oh, and lots of love to boyfriend and B, because let's face it, yesterday was a complete wreck, and there's just no other 2 people like you in the world)

been a bad day

would i ever suggest anyone go to law school?

i honestly don't know. (see "Law School Musical" below...)

it's hard to go from being the smart kid to pretty much knowing you're going to fail, and not being able to do anything about it.





if anyone can teach me international business transactions inside of 24 hours, feel free. Lord knows it can't get any worse than what it already is.....


why did i do this to myself?

old habits die hard

bad habits are so hard to break. what's your bad habit?

then again, it's not so hard to start new, better habits either. i started going to church again. forgot how much i missed it. how important that part of my life is to me. it's easy to forget when you think you can handle everything on your own. not so easy to forget when you finally realize you really can't.

so here's a note to myself for future reference: it's okay to not know what to do. it's okay to need help, direction, advice, objectivity, sympathy, comfort (yeah, that's the hardest, isn't it?). it's okay to...need something/someone other than yourself.

baby steps. baby steps are a good start on your way anywhere. or so i've heard.

in any case, i'm at the halfway point in this self-imposed 3-year crisis. that's got to say something, doesn't it? i like to think so.

so yay for me.




and about those bad habits? you'll grow out of it one day.

hopefully.

the things no one ever told you

- your second year of law school will be worse than the first
- you have no idea what your limits are, and you never will
- there are levels of exhaustion, stress, and depression you never thought you could reach. then you go to law school and reach them.
- there are people that will love you even when you're such a bitch that you don't even love yourself.
- being selfish is necessary. we are all selfish by nature.
- being argumentative isn't always a plus. even when you're a lawyer. learn to shut-up.
- you're pretty to someone, even on your worst day.
- you can miss what you've never had, never seen, never touched, and never tasted.
- we make ourselves lonely. we can make ourselves un-lonely too.
- it's okay to shop when you're angry. or bored. or sad. or excited. it's almost always okay to shop. the only exception is when you're broke.
- babies make everyone happy.
- realizing you're "not ready" is perfectly normal.
- the smallest things in your day have a trickle-down effect until they start to impact the largest things in your life.
- a temper can be a beautifully dangerous thing.
- dreams come true. they just don't come true on their own.
- friends and lovers can cure anything and everything.
- there is always a silver lining. always. that's God's way of helping us cope.

tbc...

Law School Musical

i think i'm in a bad relationship

i had a great thought while i was taking a shower last night: being in law school is like being in a really bad relationship. i mean, the symptoms are all there - suffocation, alienation, depression, frustration, moodiness, drastic change in personality, etc. when you're in law school, you can't do anything else. you're stuck. you've lost your independence.

for example, i used to travel. i picked up and went when i wanted to. i wanted to see ireland? three months later i was there. i wanted to see new zealand? five months later i was there. but when you're in this bad relationship, all you can see in five months is the same old, same old.

you just...lose your drive for more because you're so caught up in making this relationship work through to tomorrow.

and this horrible feeling spills over into the rest of your life until you're brain tells you to be unhappy everywhere, with everyone. and though you know it's all in your head, rationality really doesn't apply anymore. and you recognize that too.

but the problem with all of these bad relationships is that you have his perpetual hope that it'll get better. you know, you just know that if you can see it through, if you can stick it out for a little while longer, things will be okay.

until then? you're kinda screwed.

in other news: fast for Haiti debt relief on thursday!

and i've got an idea for a story. that hasn't happened to me in a few years. i feel like i want to horde it, keep that idea safe, not let anything tarnish or break it. but i'll try to write it down anyway. isn't that what writers do?

a once in a lifetime thing

my dad told me to lighten up today.

holy cow.

doing our part

Created by the Institute for Justice and Democracy in Haiti:

Half-Hour for Haiti: Cancel Haiti’s Debt This Summer

Update: First of all, I’d like to welcome everyone who has joined the Half-Hour for Haiti program over the last few weeks, especially all the folks who signed up at the U.S. Social Forum. We’ll look forward to working with you to obtain justice for Haiti! Thanks to everyone who wrote two weeks ago asking Prosecutor Gassant to free political prisoners as part of his efforts to reduce the prison population. Mario Joseph, the prisoners’ lawyer, appreciates your making his job easier. Mario does not have good news to report yet, but he’s still working on it.

Coming Attractions: On August 18 there will be a Grassroots Music and Arts Festival at Bethel Farm in Hillsboro, New Hampshire. The festival will feature music, art, films, hiking, swimming and other summer fun, with proceeds going to the Institute for Justice & Democracy in Haiti.

The Jubilee USA Network (IJDH is a member) is organizing a 40-day fast for debt cancellation and economic justice from September 6 to October 15. There will be events focused on Haiti, including a lobby/call-in day, the first week of October. Jubilee USA is looking for organizations to commit to participating in the one-day fast on September 6. Joining the fast will help get the mobilization off to a good start, while also demonstrating that you care particularly about Haiti (we’ll be fasting at IJDH). For more information, see http://www.canceldebtfast.org/.

This week’s alert: comes from David Smart and Amanda Pacheco, two law students with the Center for Law and Global Justice at the University of San Francisco:

Contact your representative in the House about cosponsoring the Haiti Debt Cancellation Resolution (House Resolution 241) urging the World Bank, IMF, Inter-American Development Bank, and other financial institutions to immediately cancel Haiti’s debt.

Use the August Recess to Show Your Support

Your local representatives will be working in their district offices during the upcoming August Congressional Recess. Much of this time will be spent listening to constituent concerns so it is an ideal time to show your support for the bill. 17 new cosponsors have signed on since the beginning of June, making a total of 62. We are getting close to having enough support to force a hearing, and the August recess is our opportunity to get over the top.

Why Existing Debt Relief is Not A Solution: In April of 2006, Haiti reached the “Decision Point” under the World Bank and IMF’s Heavily Indebted Poor Countries Initiative (HIPC), making it eligible for debt relief programs. If Haiti were to reach “Completion Point” under HIPC, it would qualify for cancellation of around $586 million of its total $1.4 billion debt. But because of the harmful economic conditions reaching this “Completion Point” entails, it is doubtful that Haiti will see much debt relief, and will have to continue making large repayments until 2010 at the earliest. By that time, Haiti will have repaid $270 million to financial institutions.

Many leading economists consider the conditions and required economic, social and political targets being forced on Haiti misguided, and frequently harmful, as evidenced by the results of HIPC conditions in other developing nations (click here for more on the problems of HIPC conditions). These conditions will mean that, between now and 2010, in a country of only 8 million, 100,000 children will die before reaching the age of 11 months, 40,000 will die before the age of 5, and 6,000 women will die during childbirth. Immediate debt cancellation will not save everyone, but it will have an immediate and dramatic impact on the health of millions.

Haiti is the poorest country in the western hemisphere and simply cannot afford to pay $270 million between now and 2010. Even more unjust is the fact that over half of the loans were granted to dictatorships that used them to buy luxury items and subjugate the majority of Haiti into submitting to their rule. How can we ask the poor citizens of Haiti to pay back these loans?

By unconditionally ending the debt now, millions of dollars could be invested in health care in a country where 50% of people are chronically undernourished and only 1 in 10 has access to clean water near their home. Haiti has the worst prevalence of adult HIV outside Sub-Saharan Africa and with the current infection rate, 1 in 10 Haitians will have the disease by 2015. Life expectancy in Haiti is only 53 years and falling, compared with 74.9 in Mexico and 77.3 in the United States. Haiti also has the worst infant mortality with almost 1 in 10 live births ending in death.

Immediate Debt Relief Will Save Lives Immediately

Acknowledging the need for immediate debt relief, 62 representatives from both sides of the aisle have already co-sponsored the bill. By canceling the debt immediately we can assist Haiti in the improvement of the healthcare, education, sanitation, and other essential services and infrastructure. Not only must Haiti be freed of the oppression of dictatorships, but also of the oppression caused by the onerous and odious loans they incurred.

Contact Your Representative Today!

The best way to reach your Representative this month is at a town meeting or other public meeting in your district. Members of Congress will be trying to see what their constituents care about, make sure Haiti makes the list. Last year several Representatives were convinced to sign on at these venues. Email info@ijdh.org for an information packet you can hand to your member of Congress.

Call your representative in both the district and Washington DC offices. Ask them to cosponsor the Haiti Debt Cancellation resolution in the house (H.Res.241) if they have not already done so. To co-sponsor, the member’s staff should contact Kathleen Sengstock in Rep. Maxine Waters’ office at (202) 225-2201.

To find your Representative go to visit http://www.house.gov/. For more information, and to take action, visit the website of the Jubilee USA Network, www.jubileeusa.org or the Institute for Justice and Democracy in Haiti, www.ijdh.org.

A FEW MINUTES OF YOUR TIME COULD BENEFIT THE LIVES OF MILLIONS

For more information on debt relief, human rights in Haiti and the Institute for Justice & Democracy in Haiti, see www.HaitiJustice.org. To sign up for bi-weekly action alerts, send an email to HalfHour4Haiti@ijdh.org.