September 29, 2009

wallow

a short post because i refuse to allow myself to wallow so completely for very long.

the fact that i still haven't found a job is astounding. i mean (and i know this will sound arrogant, but i promise i don't mean it like that), how exactly has it been nearly two months of applying for jobs and i've gotten no call-backs? how?

the economy, you say.

no shit, i say.

but someone is getting these jobs. and yes, they probably are way more qualified than i am (though i'm already over-qualified for a lot of these positions), but doesn't this go against some sort of law of physics or nature or the universe? throw enough mud at the wall and some of it will stick, right? right?!

wrong, my friends. so very, very wrong.

because i've been throwing mud for weeks. none of it stuck.

and i don't think it would be so completely overwhelming (because hey, who couldn't use a two-month long vacation?), except for the fact that it's a hit to my pride, and i have bills to pay. lots of bills. astronomical bills.

bills that have brought me to my knees and made me promise God that, when i finally do get a job, i will never step foot in anthropologie again.

okay, that's a lie. (sidenote: maybe i should apply for a job at anthropologie...)

but you get the idea. lots of expenses, little money. practically no money at this point.

so this is all to say that i know some of you have been waiting for that post about my plans for the next two years. but amidst the sleepless nights (and by sleepless i mean SLEEPLESS), the frantic job hunting, and the frustration, i just haven't had time to think past next months rent. sorry. it's coming eventually.

alright! to make myself feel better, and because i neglected to post it earlier:



and just because (there never needs to be a reason for some rob): an oldie but goodie.

September 16, 2009

note to self


i saw this over at i suwanee and wanted to laugh and/or cry. i couldn't decide so i posted it instead.

September 15, 2009

project central

i've been in a very artsy mood lately. i want to redecorate every room in my house. i want to paint. i want to go to thrift stores, buy up the world, and refurbish to my delight. i have some projects lined up that i'm looking forward to (though nothing is for sure yet...must run it by the pack mule
boyfriend). i guess i need to fill my time somehow, right?

but in my search for diy project ideas online (particularly while visiting the extremely awesome creature comforts), i came across this:

which, considering the photographer is only 14 years old (14!), made me feel unartistic and completely untalented. lol. more of her stuff can be found here. it really is beautiful.

anyhow, some of the things i want to get to over the next couple of...days? weeks?...however long i'm going to be unemployed (urgh, so frustrating!):
  • create my own one of these, so i don't have to pay $40 for it at the moment.  i do, however, plan to buy one of the originals from madebygirl as soon as i can afford it.  i suggest everyone check out both her blog and her etsy shop!
  • somehow redecorate our home office/guest room. right now there's a colossal and ugly futon couch in it that we bought off of craigslist when we moved in a few months ago. i hate it. the space it takes up makes it impossible to rearrange the office EVER. i'm secretly plotting it's untimely demise. N. has no idea and will probably be unhappy about it. but it needs to be done. i want to replace it with a cushy overstuffed chair and table (which is fantasy at this point since i have no income), and move some of the furniture around. it's just too cluttered. papers everywhere. N.'s crap in crates and overflowing from his file cabinet. a broken shelf. case in point: right this second, i am sitting at my desk on my laptop and can see about a square inch of the desk surface. it's disgusting.
  • create my own one of these too, except i want to put a quote from "wuthering heights" in it. you know the one: "What were the use of my creation, if I were entirely contained here? My great miseries in this world have been Heathcliff's miseries, and I watched and felt each from the beginning; my great thought in living is himself. If all else perished, and he remained, I should still continue to be; and all else remained, and he were annihilated, the universe would turn to a mighty stranger." i have the canvas and paint (all free!), and just need to start.
  • fix up our wall art around the house. it's all sort of mish-mashed right now, sort of off-center of things. i mean, i love the pieces we have -- lots of asian script (compliments of N. being chinese, as well as our trip to hong kong a couple summers ago), northwest tribal art we bought on the s'klallam rez over our last couple of trips up to washington, some framed cards, a wall hanging friends got us from israel, etc. -- but i'd luuuuuurve to do something like this with it all. (yes, at this point i may as well just move into this ladies house, i love it so much)
  • do some very necessary yard work. we have a huge back yard, dominated by an equally huge oak tree. because of this oak tree and the shade it creates, we have no grass. that being said, i have to find a replacement ground cover (because both finn the dog and i hate the wood chips currently strewn around) suitable for shady areas and a dog running around. i want to do large pavers and then buckets and boxes of ferns, shade-appropriate flowers, and an herb garden. i also want to hang some bird feeders, build a bat house to help with the mosquito's (we live near a creek), and string white lights or lanterns from our porch and the oak tree. this, as you may have guessed, will cost MONEY. so it will be the last project i tackle.
  • finally: two weekends ago, N. and i went to check out some thrift and goodwill stores and i hit the motherload: a pair of 7's in my size for only $4!!! this is my very first pair, and i won't deny that i've got some serious back-patting going on over the fact that i got it that cheap. yay me! but i want to change them into skinny jeans, so that's on my to-do list.
i'm taking more diy suggestions/ideas, or blogs to refer to if you've got them. or i'd just love to hear what you've been up to!

September 14, 2009

apparently, i'm vintage

while online window-shopping this morning (because, yes, online window-shopping is apparently part of my morning routine...right after having a diet coke and sending out a bazillion job applications), i came across something interesting.

the job listing was for a copywriter for an online vintage clothing magazine entitled "shopnastygal.com". don't ask why, but curiosity got the best of me -- i mean, what kind of vintage clothing was this exactly? and why, if it's just your run-of-the-mill sort, would you name it that?! so i clicked. and was pleasantly surprised to find that it wasn't some sort of soft porn site, but was in fact just sort of urban outfitter-ish. (i still haven't figured out why the powers that be named the store shopnastygal. bad pr, i guess?).

but while browsing, something else occurred to me.

when did the 90's become vintage?

were you as big a fan of "my so-called life" [aka, jordan catalano drool-a-thon] as i was? well, shopnastygal seems to specialize in clothing from that era. which, to me, is not vintage.

when i think of vintage, i tend to think of maybe the 50's through the 80's, if even that. for the most part, the 80's and definitely the 90's are just...old clothes.

a denim jacket with studs? flannel (which, for the record, i love)? those flow-y sun dresses that came crinkled? crushed velvet? retro. thifted. not vintage.

and you should not be charging more than $20 for said clothing. unless they're brand new from UO of course.

anyway, i had to check out my theory. and the all-knowing Wiki has spoken:

"Generally speaking, clothing which was produced before the 1920s is referred to as antique clothing and clothing from the 1920s to 1980 is considered vintage. Retro, short for retrospective, usually refers to clothing that imitates the style of a previous era. Clothing produced more recently is usually called modern or contemporary fashion. Opinions vary on these definitions."

a small bone to pick, i know. but what can i say? it made me feel old.

September 9, 2009

Randomness

in other news, i kind of want to revamp my blog... i don't really like the header very much, or the double sidebars on the right. i have some favorite blogs that i'll take some inspiration from, but this is gonna require me to relearn all that html i tried so hard to forget. :) i guess we'll wait and see what kinds of things i can think up!

The Bucket List

i've been thinking a lot lately about the things i want to do versus the things i should do. whether or not those two things are mutually exclusive? i'm still figuring out. but it got me thinking of a bucket list. i wrote one for my psychology class right before graduating from high school, and stored it in my culminating psychology project which was supposed to be a look back at my life from the end of my life. (it was a very creative project). unfortunately, the project was found, but sometime in the last seven or eight years, i took the bucket list out and it has not been seen since. hence, i've written another. and i think it's useful to write another every so many years, keeping on the list the desires that still remain true, and replacing the ones that don't with new desires as you grow older.

i've tried to remember as much of the old list as possible, and have included those items in my new and improved bucket list to make sure that the record is as accurate as possible. i've crossed out the ones that i've already accomplished.

i guess it's this whole, "what do i do now?" thing that's got me realizing that these things are really important, you know? i think too often we forget about what we've also wanted to do in the face of what we feel we need to do. but the thing is, all we really need to do is lead a fulfilling life. i think you'll see where i'm going with this in my next few posts.

do you have a bucket list?

100 Things To Do Before I Die
  1. graduate from college
  2. travel to ireland
  3. get married
  4. fall in love
  5. get out of hawaii
  6. return to hawaii "for good"
  7. do an "around the world" trip
  8. sky dive at the bay of islands, NZ
  9. bungee jump
  10. cage dive with great white sharks
  11. go zip-lining
  12. work for the U.N.
  13. see U2 live
  14. get my PhD
  15. stand next to the eiffel tower when it's lit up at night
  16. go to the old city, jerusalem
  17. see the northern lights
  18. pet a tiger
  19. write a novel
  20. get published
  21. go to cape cod and martha's vineyard
  22. meet someone famous
  23. wake up in positano, italy
  24. study abroad
  25. learn to snowboard
  26. work for a magazine
  27. white water rafting
  28. play in the snow
  29. open a bookstore/cafe
  30. go on an archaeological dig
  31. live in a foreign country
  32. work on a ranch
  33. give birth to a child
  34. adopt a child
  35. go to the greek island
  36. go diving on the great barrier reef
  37. own a home in hawaii
  38. work at a wildlife reserve
  39. lose 40lbs
  40. get a tattoo
  41. swim in the dead sea
  42. raft the grand canyon
  43. go to crater lake, OR
  44. sky jump from the sky tower, NZ
  45. take a black and white picture of the great wall of china
  46. swim on a beach in tahiti
  47. camp at yosemite national park
  48. see the great pyramids of giza
  49. go to NYC
  50. ride a horse
  51. work at a publishing house
  52. write my dissertation on indigenous issues
  53. run with the bulls in spain
  54. go to the vatican
  55. go rock climbing
  56. learn to salsa dance
  57. learn to surf
  58. run another 10k
  59. climb a redwood tree
  60. get out of debt
  61. work abroad for an ngo that fights for human rights
  62. learn hula
  63. have a home library
  64. go to alaska
  65. ring in the new year in NZ (it's the first place to experience it!)
  66. own a room with a view (preferably of the ocean)
  67. restore a fixer-upper
  68. drink beer at oktoberfest in munich
  69. go ghost hunting
  70. own a horribly expensive, but utterly fabulous, pair of shoes
  71. spend an entire day reading for fun
  72. find a job that i love
  73. grow a garden
  74. go hot-air ballooning
  75. trace my genealogy
  76. learn to love and accept myself just as i am
  77. go to a renaissance fair
  78. sleep under the stars
  79. write a "postsecret" letter in a bottle
  80. crowd surf at a rock concert
  81. visit machu picchu
  82. paint a self portrait
  83. bury a time capsule
  84. see the ruins of a lost civilization
  85. wear lingerie and feel sexy doing it
  86. raft +5 rapids
  87. go scuba diving
  88. spend a few guiltless days doing nothing on a beach
  89. take a girlfriend trip out of the country
  90. hire a personal shopper/stylist for a day
  91. get to know a foreign city like the back of my hand
  92. visit a place i've read about in a novel
  93. dance in a thunderstorm
  94. watch a sunrise and sunset
  95. read the Bible
  96. participate in la tomatina in spain
  97. learn the skill of photography
  98. follow my dreams each and every time
  99. ensure that everyone i love knows i love them
  100. live a life of little regret

September 1, 2009

INTJ: the strategist

K. had me take a personality test yesterday and i thought i'd post the results since they were sort of interesting. now, obviously there are flaws with the way you conduct a personality test and the results are therefore skewed, but whatever. it's still fun!

OVERVIEW

Independent, original, analytical, and determined. Have an exceptional ability to turn theories into solid plans of action. Highly value knowledge, competence, and structure. Driven to derive meaning from their visions. Long-range thinkers. Have very high standards for their performance, and the performance of others. Natural leaders, but will follow if they trust existing leaders.

As an INTJ, your primary mode of living is focused internally, where you take things in primarily via your intuition. Your secondary mode is external, where you deal with things rationally and logically.

INTJs live in the world of ideas and strategic planning. They value intelligence, knowledge, and competence, and typically have high standards in these regards, which they continuously strive to fulfill. To a somewhat lesser extent, they have similar expectations of others.

With Introverted Intuition dominating their personality, INTJs focus their energy on observing the world, and generating ideas and possibilities. Their mind constantly gathers information and makes associations about it. They are tremendously insightful and usually are very quick to understand new ideas. However, their primary interest is not understanding a concept, but rather applying that concept in a useful way. Unlike the INTP, they do not follow an idea as far as they possibly can, seeking only to understand it fully. INTJs are driven to come to conclusions about ideas. Their need for closure and organization usually requires that they take some action.

INTJ's tremendous value and need for systems and organization, combined with their natural insightfulness, makes them excellent scientists. An INTJ scientist gives a gift to society by putting their ideas into a useful form for others to follow. It is not easy for the INTJ to express their internal images, insights, and abstractions. The internal form of the INTJ's thoughts and concepts is highly individualized, and is not readily translatable into a form that others will understand. However, the INTJ is driven to translate their ideas into a plan or system that is usually readily explainable, rather than to do a direct translation of their thoughts. They usually don't see the value of a direct transaction, and will also have difficulty expressing their ideas, which are non-linear. However, their extreme respect of knowledge and intelligence will motivate them to explain themselves to another person who they feel is deserving of the effort.

INTJs are natural leaders, although they usually choose to remain in the background until they see a real need to take over the lead. When they are in leadership roles, they are quite effective, because they are able to objectively see the reality of a situation, and are adaptable enough to change things which aren't working well. They are the supreme strategists - always scanning available ideas and concepts and weighing them against their current strategy, to plan for every conceivable contingency.

INTJs spend a lot of time inside their own minds, and may have little interest in the other people's thoughts or feelings. Unless their Feeling side is developed, they may have problems giving other people the level of intimacy that is needed. Unless their Sensing side is developed, they may have a tendency to ignore details which are necessary for implementing their ideas.

The INTJ's interest in dealing with the world is to make decisions, express judgments, and put everything that they encounter into an understandable and rational system. Consequently, they are quick to express judgments. Often they have very evolved intuitions, and are convinced that they are right about things. Unless they complement their intuitive understanding with a well-developed ability to express their insights, they may find themselves frequently misunderstood. In these cases, INTJs tend to blame misunderstandings on the limitations of the other party, rather than on their own difficulty in expressing themselves. This tendency may cause the INTJ to dismiss others input too quickly, and to become generally arrogant and elitist.

INTJs are ambitious, self-confident, deliberate, long-range thinkers. Many INTJs end up in engineering or scientific pursuits, although some find enough challenge within the business world in areas which involve organizing and strategic planning. They dislike messiness and inefficiency, and anything that is muddled or unclear. They value clarity and efficiency, and will put enormous amounts of energy and time into consolidating their insights into structured patterns.

Other people may have a difficult time understanding an INTJ. They may see them as aloof and reserved. Indeed, the INTJ is not overly demonstrative of their affections, and is likely to not give as much praise or positive support as others may need or desire. That doesn't mean that he or she doesn't truly have affection or regard for others, they simply do not typically feel the need to express it. Others may falsely perceive the INTJ as being rigid and set in their ways. Nothing could be further from the truth, because the INTJ is committed to always finding the objective best strategy to implement their ideas. The INTJ is usually quite open to hearing an alternative way of doing something.

When under a great deal of stress, the INTJ may become obsessed with mindless repetitive, Sensate activities, such as over-drinking. They may also tend to become absorbed with minutia and details that they would not normally consider important to their overall goal.

INTJs need to remember to express themselves sufficiently, so as to avoid difficulties with people misunderstandings. In the absence of properly developing their communication abilities, they may become abrupt and short with people, and isolationists.

INTJs have a tremendous amount of ability to accomplish great things. They have insight into the Big Picture, and are driven to synthesize their concepts into solid plans of action. Their reasoning skills gives them the means to accomplish that. INTJs are most always highly competent people, and will not have a problem meeting their career or education goals. They have the capability to make great strides in these arenas. On a personal level, the INTJ who practices tolerances and puts effort into effectively communicating their insights to others has everything in his or her power to lead a rich and rewarding life.


RELATIONSHIPS

INTJs believe in constant growth in relationships, and strive for independence for themselves and their mates. They are constantly embarking on "fix-up" projects to improve the overall quality of their lives and relationships. They take their commitments seriously, but are open to redefining their vows, if they see something which may prove to be an improvement over the existing understanding. INTJs are not likely to be "touchy-feely" and overly affirming with their mates or children, and may at times be somewhat insensitive to their emotional needs. However, INTJs are in general extremely capable and intelligent individuals who strive to always be their best, and be moving in a positive direction. If they apply these basic goals to their personal relationships, they are likely to enjoy happy and healthy interaction with their families and friends.

INTJ Strengths
  • Not threatened by conflict or criticism
  • Usually self-confident
  • Takes their relationships and commitments seriously
  • Generally extremely intelligent and capable
  • Able to leave a relationship which should be ended, although they may dwell on it in their minds for awhile afterwards
  • Interested in "optimizing" their relationships
  • Good listeners
INTJ Weaknesses
  • Not naturally in tune with others feelings; may be insensitive at times
  • May tend to respond to conflict with logic and reason, rather than the desired emotional support
  • Not naturally good at expressing feelings and affections
  • Tendency to believe that they're always right
  • Tendency to be unwilling or unable to accept blame
  • Their constant quest to improve everything may be taxing on relationships
  • Tends to hold back part of themselves

INTJs as Lovers

INTJs live much of their lives inside their own heads. They constantly scan their environment for new ideas and theories which they can turn into plans and structures. Sometimes, what they see and understand intuitively within themselves is more pure and "perfect" than the reality of a close personal relationship. INTJs may have a problem reconciling their reality with their fantasy.

INTJs are not naturally in tune with their own feelings, or with what other people are feeling. They also have a tendency to believe that they are always right. While their self-confidence and esteem is attractive, their lack of sensitivity to others can be a problem if it causes them to inadvertently hurt their partner's feelings. If this is a problem for an INTJ, they should remember to sometimes let their mate be the one who is right, and to try to be aware of the emotional effect that your words have upon them. In conflict situations, INTJs need to remember to be supportive to their mate's emotional needs, rather than treating the conflict as if it is an interesting idea to analyze.

Sexually, the INTJ enjoys thinking about intimacy, and about ways to perfect it. In positive relationships, their creativity and intensity shine through in this arena. In more negative relationships, they might enjoy thinking about sex more than actually doing it. They're likely to approach intimacy from a theoretical, creative perspective, rather than as an opportunity to express love and affection. The INTJ who has learned the importance of these kinds of expressions to the health of their relationship, however, is likely to be more verbally affectionate.

INTJs are able to leave relationships when they're over, and get on with their lives. They believe that this is the right thing to do. They may have more difficulty accomplishing the task than they like to exhibit to other people.

INTJs are highly intense, intelligent people who bring a lot of depth and insight into most major areas of their life. In terms of relationships, their greatest potential pitfall is the tendency to think about things rather than doing them, and their difficulty reconciling reality with their inner visions. INTJs are likely to be in positive, healthy relationships, because they're likely to leave relationships which aren't working for them (unless other circumstances prohibit that).

Although two well-developed individuals of any type can enjoy a healthy relationship, the INTJ's natural partner is the ENFP, or the +. INTJ's dominant function of Introverted Intuition is best matched with a partner whose personality is dominated by Extraverted Intuition.

INTJs as Parents

As parents, INTJ's main goal is to raise their children to be intelligent, autonomous and independent. They want their kids to think for themselves and make their own decisions, and so are likely to give them room to grow, and to challenge their decisions and thoughts at key points in their lives.

The INTJ is not naturally likely to be an overly supportive or loving parental figure. Since their own need for expressions of love and affirmation is relatively low, they may have difficulty seeing that need in their children who have Feeling preferences. If they do see this sensitivity, they may not recognize or value the importance of feeding it. In such situations, there will be a distance between the INTJ and the child. This is a problem area for the INTJ, who should consciously remember to be aware of others' emotional needs.

INTJs as Friends

INTJs are usually difficult to get to know well, and difficult to get close to. Those who are close to the INTJ will highly value them for their ideas and knowledge. Although INTJs are generally very serious-minded people, they also have been known to enjoy letting loose and having fun, if others pull them into it. They also can be really good at telling jokes, and exhibiting a sarcastic wit with a poker face.

The INTJ is not likely to choose to spend time with people who they feel don't have anything to offer the INTJ. They especially like to spend time with other Intuitive Thinkers, and also usually enjoy the company of Intuitive Feelers. These personality types love to theorize and speculate about ideas, and so can usually relate well to the INTJ, who loves to analyze ideas.

Many INTJs believe that they are always right. In some INTJs, this belief is quite obvious, while in others it is more subtle. Some people may have a difficult time accepting what they see as a "superior attitude" or "snobbery". Not to imply that INTJs are snobbish, just that some people with strong Feeling preferences may perceive them that way. And some individuals simply have no interest in the theoretical pursuits which the INTJ enjoys.