i've always been a voracious reader. it's difficult to really remember a time when books didn't interest me. i've just always loved them. i love the telling of the story. i love the voices of the characters and the description of places i've never seen and, perhaps outside of the page, will never see. i've been trying to figure out lately how it is that i "read" a book.
i mean, what sound does the written word make in my head? whose voice is it when it's not the dialogue's or narrator's? even now, as i sit in bed writing this blog post, and i'm reading over words i myself have just written, it's hard for me to hear the voice that plays them back to me. once i concentrate on it, it changes to fit whatever or whoever it is i'm consciously thinking about.
and aside from my obsession with the chatter of my internal monologue, i've been noticing that i'm much more of a dialogue person than i once though. i mean, i love a good description, but once i've got the look of a room or a road or a forest in my head, i tend to just skip over other descriptive passages and head straight for the conversation. and i let it play out in my head the way it would naturally, organically. then, if it doesn't quite work in my own imagination for some reason or the other, i take hints from the author.
it's a strange way to read a book.
and it's almost impossible to do with harry potter.
i've been re-reading harry potter and the half-blood prince and harry potter and the deathly hallows again. finished them both just this passed week and am completely obsessed once more. i mean, you all thought i liked twilight? it doesn't even come close to my deep love and appreciation for j.k. rowlings and her hogwarts universe. like twilight, i came in to harry potter later in the game than those in the know, but early enough not to be considered among those living under rocks. by the time i picked up on the frenzy, the fourth book was just about to be released (again, like twilight). i was at the public library one day during a school break and picked up the first book. then made my mother drive me the half hour back into town the next day to borrow the next two. i can't remember her being more irritated with me and my reading habits than she was when i discovered harry potter. i read non-stop. i read all day, all night, i read at the dinner table, in the car, wherever, whenever.
it was amazing. a whole new world. and the details! how can one person come up with so many small details? how can so many small details be so integral to a book? it's impossible to concentrate on voices when you're so engrossed in the story line. it's impossible to skip over passages after you realize that what you once thought was a mundane description has become the lynch-pin of the entire book. that is what makes for great story telling. when you can't fill in the blanks for yourself. when you don't want to.
these are the things that i'm thinking of as i consider how to take the leap and begin a novel. i've been putting it off. chances are, i'll continue to put it off (because i'm scared i'll write it and it won't be any good?), but i'm trying not to.
June 24, 2009
June 4, 2009
music as promised
because of finals and The Big Move, and family in town and the start of barbri, i wasn't able to make good on my promise to put up the eclipse playlist earlier. i actually didn't even get it from K. until this week because things have been so hectic (i've had no routine, and therefore have only been online once in a great while).
but with no further ado, here is the awesomeness that is another K. playlist, this time for eclipse:
- as tall as lions: where do i stand (jacob writing letters)
- athlete: tourist (realizing highschool is almost over, trip to FL)
- city & colour: what makes a man? (visiting jake, arguing over edward)
- the honorary title: everything i once had (rosalie)
- anberlin: dismantle.repair (acoustic) (jacob, my jacob)
- mute math: you are mine (reconciliation)
- the snake, the cross, the crown: hot anger, soon cold (things missing)
- mewithoutyou: world am i! (and shadow) (bonfire with the pack)
- biffy clyro: love has a diameter (graduation, persuasion)
- frou frou: breathe in (bride to be)
- cursive: the recluse (jasper)
- far-less: surprise funeral (for the charmed) (they may not all survive)
- city & colour: day old hate (watching jacob sleep)
- death cab for cutie: we looked like giants (graduation)
- silverchair: world upon your shoulders (training)
- snow patrol: open your eyes (engagement)
- lydia: ...ha yeah it got pretty bad (camping in the snow)
- alexisonfire: you burn first (the fight)
- bon iver: the wolves (act I and II) (jacob recovering)
- death cab for cutie: translatlanticism (bella makes her decisions)
- barcelona: please don't go (jake)
my favorites are probably obvious: death cab, city & colour, barcelona, lydia. it's funny how i was pretty territorial about songs - i didn't want my favorites to be used on the jake storyline. i got over it, 1) because the songs fit, and 2) because of the preview (lol). what can i say, maybe i am shallow after all? :)
but with no further ado, here is the awesomeness that is another K. playlist, this time for eclipse:
- as tall as lions: where do i stand (jacob writing letters)
- athlete: tourist (realizing highschool is almost over, trip to FL)
- city & colour: what makes a man? (visiting jake, arguing over edward)
- the honorary title: everything i once had (rosalie)
- anberlin: dismantle.repair (acoustic) (jacob, my jacob)
- mute math: you are mine (reconciliation)
- the snake, the cross, the crown: hot anger, soon cold (things missing)
- mewithoutyou: world am i! (and shadow) (bonfire with the pack)
- biffy clyro: love has a diameter (graduation, persuasion)
- frou frou: breathe in (bride to be)
- cursive: the recluse (jasper)
- far-less: surprise funeral (for the charmed) (they may not all survive)
- city & colour: day old hate (watching jacob sleep)
- death cab for cutie: we looked like giants (graduation)
- silverchair: world upon your shoulders (training)
- snow patrol: open your eyes (engagement)
- lydia: ...ha yeah it got pretty bad (camping in the snow)
- alexisonfire: you burn first (the fight)
- bon iver: the wolves (act I and II) (jacob recovering)
- death cab for cutie: translatlanticism (bella makes her decisions)
- barcelona: please don't go (jake)
my favorites are probably obvious: death cab, city & colour, barcelona, lydia. it's funny how i was pretty territorial about songs - i didn't want my favorites to be used on the jake storyline. i got over it, 1) because the songs fit, and 2) because of the preview (lol). what can i say, maybe i am shallow after all? :)
June 3, 2009
a girl can dream
i've found myself thinking of dream jobs lately, mostly because i've just graduated and am on the verge of having to find a job myself. barbri (which is a course you take in preparation for the bar exam) started just last week and i'm already wondering exactly what i was thinking when i signed on. why am i taking the california bar? no, let me rephrase: why am i taking the most difficult bar exam in the country when i'm not even sure if i want to be a lawyer?
because i'm scared i don't have any other options?
because i'm too stubborn to stray from the path i've already laid out for myself?
because i don't know what else i'd do?
how about a strange, mish-mash of all of the above.
i'm terrified that i don't have the skills to do any other job. this is lunacy, i realize that. i'm a lawyer for crying out loud. i've completed one of the most rigorous studies out there, and have work experience in both the public interest and private sector. my research and writing skills are pretty decent, and i can get great recommendations if and when i need them. all of this i know, but still i worry. am i too specialized? prior to law school, i was an administrative assistant for five years. other than being a lawyer and a receptionist, what can i do?
i also recognize that i may just be too stubborn to admit defeat. i mean, i decided to become a lawyer. i've made it through - maybe not so gracefully, but successfully at the least - the three years of hazing i often feel like law school is, have worked really hard and learned a lot, have incurred an obscene amount of debt, and am forcing myself through to the bar. my family has supported me, my friends have put up with me, and N. hasn't yet decided to drop me for greener pastures. so after all of that, there's a part of me that just wants to scream, "suck it UP already!" i'm almost at the finish line, you know? it's the deep breath, and i'm taking it. so why back down now? and yes, if i'm perfectly honest, there is a part of me that just doesn't want to disappoint my family, my colleagues, those who have put their time and energy into training me, and myself.
and finally there's the question of what else i'd even do were i not to become a lawyer. i can't think of a single rational, responsible thing to do with myself. i mean, yes, okay, i do have a dream job that you all probably already know about. in my ideal world, i'd be a writer. i'd spend my days working from my home office (which i now have! - will post about later), or on my mac laptop (which i will one day have again) in some cafe researching and writing. i'd be published, i'd be able to pay the bills, and i'd love every second of it. eventually, i'd use the money i earned to open a bookstore/cafe. i even have a name picked out, so much like an expectant mother, but i'll refrain myself from gushing. it just isn't reality, you know? how many people out there want to be published writers? millions. how many actually are? not millions.
i am a not million. i am a not million at my dream job.
but it won't always be that way.
so what about you? what's your dream job? are you doing it now? if yes, how's it going? is it everything you hoped it would be? if you're not working at your dream job right now, are you working towards it? or have you, like myself and so many others, almost resigned yourself to the fact that maybe the dream job was always supposed to be just that - a dream?
because i'm scared i don't have any other options?
because i'm too stubborn to stray from the path i've already laid out for myself?
because i don't know what else i'd do?
how about a strange, mish-mash of all of the above.
i'm terrified that i don't have the skills to do any other job. this is lunacy, i realize that. i'm a lawyer for crying out loud. i've completed one of the most rigorous studies out there, and have work experience in both the public interest and private sector. my research and writing skills are pretty decent, and i can get great recommendations if and when i need them. all of this i know, but still i worry. am i too specialized? prior to law school, i was an administrative assistant for five years. other than being a lawyer and a receptionist, what can i do?
i also recognize that i may just be too stubborn to admit defeat. i mean, i decided to become a lawyer. i've made it through - maybe not so gracefully, but successfully at the least - the three years of hazing i often feel like law school is, have worked really hard and learned a lot, have incurred an obscene amount of debt, and am forcing myself through to the bar. my family has supported me, my friends have put up with me, and N. hasn't yet decided to drop me for greener pastures. so after all of that, there's a part of me that just wants to scream, "suck it UP already!" i'm almost at the finish line, you know? it's the deep breath, and i'm taking it. so why back down now? and yes, if i'm perfectly honest, there is a part of me that just doesn't want to disappoint my family, my colleagues, those who have put their time and energy into training me, and myself.
and finally there's the question of what else i'd even do were i not to become a lawyer. i can't think of a single rational, responsible thing to do with myself. i mean, yes, okay, i do have a dream job that you all probably already know about. in my ideal world, i'd be a writer. i'd spend my days working from my home office (which i now have! - will post about later), or on my mac laptop (which i will one day have again) in some cafe researching and writing. i'd be published, i'd be able to pay the bills, and i'd love every second of it. eventually, i'd use the money i earned to open a bookstore/cafe. i even have a name picked out, so much like an expectant mother, but i'll refrain myself from gushing. it just isn't reality, you know? how many people out there want to be published writers? millions. how many actually are? not millions.
i am a not million. i am a not million at my dream job.
but it won't always be that way.
so what about you? what's your dream job? are you doing it now? if yes, how's it going? is it everything you hoped it would be? if you're not working at your dream job right now, are you working towards it? or have you, like myself and so many others, almost resigned yourself to the fact that maybe the dream job was always supposed to be just that - a dream?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
