If My House Were On Fire

Yesterday, Kaimi (over at amor fati) sent me a link for a pretty cool blog called The Burning House.  The whole idea of the blog is for people to name things they would take with them if their house were on fire.  Would you take things of the most monetary value?  The most sentimental value?  The most practical?  We thought this was such a great idea that that we decided to do our own "if my house were on fire" posts.  Enjoy!

(Also, kudos if you can name the movie that talks about what you would grab if you had just enough time before your "60 seconds were up" and your house was on fire!)

Close up:

• Nate and Finn, obviously, though I'd hope they could run out themselves
• Koa box holding my irreplaceable jewelry, including my Hawaiian heirloom pieces
• Journals
• A flash drive that pretty much holds my entire computer, including my writing and publications
• Albums of family photos
• Pictures of my entire family
• iPod
• Passport
• Favorite pair of sweats that I swiped from the boyfriend
• Plastic files that hold all keepsake items from my travels
• Joy Equation
• Pencil holder my little sister made me when she was in high school
• Pink box of relationship mementos (includes: 100 paper cranes Nate made me, drawings he's done for me, a poem he wrote me on our 1st anniversary, etc.)
• Converse shoes (the most comfortable shoes in the world)
• Multi-colored throw blanket that my great-grandmother knitted
• Phone
• Wallet that holds my ID

So...what would you take?

My Hard Copy Blog

I heard something sad but not altogether shocking the other week: kids in certain schools aren't going to be learning penmanship anymore.  That's right folks, no cursive, no signature, no 10-points-off-when-you-confuse-cursive-J-with-cursive-F anymore.  It all ends here.

And yes, yes, sure, sure, who actually writes in the cursive they learned in the first grade right?  My own handwriting is this weird sort of mix of print and cursive, still very legible but lacking in all character.  But still.  I just can't wrap my head around the fact that we've become so completely reliant on computers that learning the beautiful, artistic, timeless skill of penmanship is deemed...expendable?  Really?  Really?!

At this point our fate is clear: We are on the knife edge and headed into a universe where the Nook and iPad rule the world, and no one knows how to write their own names to save their lives.

All of this made me think of my journal and how utterly lost I would be right now without it.  I journaled a lot in high school and those notebooks are in my bedroom on a shelf where I can pull them down and be transported back to 17 in seconds.  Once college rolled around my journaling (and introspection, really) stopped almost altogether and didn't pick up again until I began this blog.  Then P&P became my journal, but there are still things that never made it onto the web and had nowhere else to go.  So at nearly the start of January, I began another journal, a hard copy journal, and it is slowly changing everything.

It's not just that I'm getting to know myself again, or even just that the personal things I'm exploring in my journal are reacquainting my mind with parts of my heart it often forgets to think about.  It's the act of sitting down and writing.  It feels so much more personal and lets you spend so much more time sitting quietly somewhere (without your email to distract you) and spending time with yourself. Oh, and all those little notes and words crossed out and arrows pointing from one paragraph to another, and smiley faces or exclamations to emphasize entire pages?  Those are the real gems, the things you can't really put down in a Word doc, the stuff that, when you look back on it later, you'll be like "Ohmygod, I'm a lunatic!"

Priceless, really.

So to the schools who are thinking of getting rid of penmanship instruction (which, let's face it, is just the tip of the iceberg), please don't.  I know you're so incredibly underfunded and this seems like such a waste of time, but it really isn't.  It's a skill, a talent, and completely, completely worth it.

A Note on Being a Carnivore

You know how I always cushion the more difficult of my goals with saying something along the lines of "...but I have no willpower, so whatever..."?  It comes up a lot -- in budgeting, exercising, looking like a professional at work rather than a dumpy college kid (but those few extra minutes of sleep are priceless I tell you!).  I don't know why I say I have no willpower because it's almost a complete lie.  In fact, if nothing else I'm more often accused of being stubborn to the point of dumb when my mind is made up on something.

So I guess I'm just lazy.  I'm a lazy, lazy girl.

This is never more clear to me than when I stop and think about my eating habits and, more specifically, my habit of eating meat.  Here is my dilemma: I am one of the biggest carnivores I know (I seriously love meat)...and I wish I were a vegetarian.  I don't really have any health-related problems with eating animals aside from the regular, run of the mill, we-should-all-eat-less-red-meat-because-our-bodies-have-a-hard-time-digesting-that-crap drama everyone's heard over and over again.  But I do have some serious animal-rights related issues with eating meat.

I'm a huge animal rights fanatic.  Did I ever mention that before?  Well, I am.  I mean, I log on to the PETA website regularly (though I will say their tactics are often way passed too extreme for me), I don't allow myself to enter animal shelters unless 1) I can actually feasibly adopt 15-100 animals that day, or 2) I want to find myself sobbing in bed for the rest of the day, and the only regular charitable donations I make are to wild life conservation groups.

And yet here I am, chomping away.  It makes me feel terrible.

So why do I keep eating meat?  Before you judge, just hear me out for a second.  As lame as it may sound -- and believe me, I'm well aware -- eating meat is sort of intertwined with my culture.  Being from Hawaii, and being Native Hawaiian on top of that, hunting and fishing kind of come with the territory.  Seriously, my family can actually be broken into 2 categories: the hunters and the fishers (though both factions usually dabble in the other).  I grew up camping out in cabins while my cousins and uncles went out hunting for pigs (and my grandfather is the one who taught them all to hunt).  I was always the kid my dad took with him when he went throw-netting or 'opihi picking.  I've seen my brother-in-law clean more pig carcasses in our driveway than I can even tell you.  If you open up our deep freezer chest at any given time, you'll probably find either some tuna my uncles caught and brought over for my grandparents, or the meat of the pig my brother-in-law caught the day before.  I collected bones as a child, for crying out loud!

So while my family and most people I know eat everything they hunt (to not do so would be incredibly disrespectful to the animal), that still makes us a hunting, fishing, meat-eating kind of people.

So I guess that's how I'll justify being a carnivore until I can finally muster up the willpower and courage (because telling my family I no longer eat meat would be a scary thing) to stop.  I'm also not expanding the list of animals I eat, and actually still only eat those that I've eaten since childhood (so no duck, goat, veal, venison, buffalo, lobster, crab, shrimp, etc. etc.).  And I don't eat shark -- which, living with Nate, who's half Asian, is fun -- but that's because my Hawaiian family believe the shark to be our family's guardian spirit (our 'aumakua), and that would just be wrong.

In case you're wondering where this all came from, last night I caught an episode of the new Travel Channel show "The Wild Within" which follows this dude around as he hunts, cooks, and sort of explains his philosophies about hunting animals for food or (if you're a jackass) sport.  In case you're really interested, he'll be going pig hunting in Hawaii during next weekend's episode.

My favorite time of year

Autumn has always been my favorite time of year.  Which is a little weird given that I didn't grow up with autumn, or with seasons that change for that matter.  Where I come from life is lived in a perpetual summer.  But I've always been drawn to the fall with it's changing leaves and the snap of cold in the air.  I love the clothes and the mood and the coziness of it all.  I love seeing the reds and oranges and yellows on wet pavement and porches with pumpkins on them as the shortened days fade into evening.  From the first day of October through Christmas, I'm pretty much as happy as can be with my pumpkin spice lattes and peppermint mochas, my scarves and coats and boots, and the festiveness that comes with the three holidays I look forward to most all year long.

Now if only the Bay Area would get its temperatures straight for once this year, things would be perfect.  If not, well, I'll be heading up north for a visit soon and I'm sure Seattle is more than willing to cooperate!

October, October

I know it's at the end of the month, but I can't help but start scheming planning already.  This year, for Halloween, this is what I have in mind for me and the boyfriend.

I'm Hobbes in this equation.

I'll keep you posted.

Point Taken

My best friend posted this on her blog yesterday and I loved it almost immediately.  I usually think these posters are sort of corny, but this one stuck with me for some reason.  Maybe because I know that these are all ideas I used to live by and have somehow gotten away from over the years (I say that like I'm 50 or something, don't I?).  Anyhow, I thought it would be a nice reminder for us all, and a great way to start this short week.

Go out and enjoy your life!

on a break

i'm gonna go ahead and say it...i'm taking a break from blogging.  not because i don't want to write, or can't think of things to write about, or find no use in writing right now.  but because my life at the moment is very literally consumed with work.  every single free second of my time that i'm not working, i'm thinking about it.  and because work hasn't been a very positive experience for me lately, i'm throwing my entire self into getting through the next month relatively in tact.  then i'll be back.

so until then, i look forward to escaping from my day to day as i read your blogs, but i won't be writing in mine.

we'll talk soon!

if only...

i've been feeling a little disenchanted lately with a lot of things in my life, but mainly with my job and the quality of my free time.  without making this a post about the frustrations of work (because, don't worry, that post will come soon), suffice it to say that i wake up in the mornings dreading going, and i come home relieved to be back.  sunday nights are the worst nights of the week, and fridays can never get here soon enough.  i think i feel like i'm once again spending my time doing something i don't want to do, and as hard as i try, i just can't find a reasonable solution (the obvious one, to me, is not reasonable either in this economy, or in my current situation).  so i feel a little stuck.

because the work week has been so hard to plow through lately, i've been trying to fill my free time with fun activities that won't break my budget and is something N. and i can do together.  let's have a party at our place on saturday, lets redecorate our bathroom, we should go thrift store hunting, lets spend a night vegging out and have a movie marathon, lets take finn on a hike, my list literally goes on for days.  unfortunately, the excitement of these activities is short-lived, and i always end the weekend feeling more exhausted than when it began.  coupled with that is the fact that N. and i haven't spent time together - quality, relaxing, just the two of us, time - in a while, and our schedules on most day don't exactly mesh.  so i feel a little stuck, again.

with all of this, and just with the general feeling of being in a lull that i can't break out of, i've been wanting to plan a nice weekend getaway for the two of us.  now, i love the city.  i do, really.  but i desperately, desperately need to get out of it.  nothing about the city rejuvenates me.  in fact, for the most part, being in cities tends to stress me out more.  i always feel like i need or want to be on the go all the time, and i'm constantly overstimulated.  no, cities don't relax me.  i want views and open spaces, green earth, blue sky, quiet instead of traffic, mountains, ocean, fresh air, and time to just turn my mind off.  but, even with all of northern california's beauty, i can't figure out where to find this.  the reason for this is largely cost and time prohibitions.

i want to get far enough away, but i don't want to have to take a flight.

i don't want to camp, but i want the accommodations to be affordable.

i don't want to go somewhere i've already been, but i've been to most places within driving distance of home.

i realize i'm being a little ridiculous and more than a little picky, but it's at times like these when i find myself playing the "if only" game.  if only i had more money, we could do more things.  if only i were still in school, i'd have large enough breaks where i could plan longer trips more frequently.  (yes, i realize the first and second "if only's" seem sort of mutually exclusive)  if only we still lived in seattle, i could think of places to take a weekend getaway.  if only, if only, if only.

it's enough to drive yourself crazy.

what do you do when you get mentally stuck in these situations?  do you take trips, spend some time alone?  how do you get yourself out of the "same old, rut"?  any suggestions for a quick weekend trip around the bay area?

i haven't done preachy in a while

**please note that my arguments below on gentrification are neither complete, or intended to be (i'm not writing the counter arguments made, or taking the thousands of available variables into consideration, etc.).  that argument would take up many volumes of many books i am neither willing nor qualified to write at this time.  i'm just relaying a conversation and some of the jumbled thoughts in my head.  no hate mail, please.**

wow, i've never actually felt the need to write a disclaimer before.  surreal.  

anyhow.  i don't pride myself on a lot of things.  writing, maybe.  my stubbornness, definitely.  but my arguing abilities have been something i've worked on over the past three years and, for the most part, i've always felt that they were one of my more developed skills.  i've learned to argue logic, not emotion.  i've learned to keep calm and to always, above all else, think of the counter arguments first and last.  this, after all, is what a good lawyer does.

so arguing, when i know my subject matter, is never something i thought i had to worry about.

and then i had a debate with friends about gentrification.

for those who are unaware, the merriam-webster dictionary defines gentrification as "the process of renewal and rebuilding accompanying the influx of middle-class or affluent people into deteriorating areas that often displaces poorer residents."  this displacement occurs because 1) these renovated buildings in traditionally low-income neighborhoods are sold or rented at prices too high for the existing community to afford, and 2) the presence of these newer, pricier spaces, as well as the influx of the middle- to upper-class population that comes with it, increases the overall property tax of the area, making it difficult (or, in many cases, impossible) for the existing community to remain in that neighborhood.

coupled with this already tragic reality is the fact that, in this country, economic lines still break and racial lines, so the traditionally low-income families, homeowners and community members who are displaced by gentrification are typically people of color.

now, what came out of this conversation as a whole is that there's no easy answer to this issue.  from the perspective of a commercial or residential property developer, this sort of work is really your bread and butter.  it is definitely most profitable to purchase property at an extremely low cost, flip it, and sell/rent it at a much higher price.  and as the purchaser of one of those flipped properties, gentrification of the surrounding area is often times good news because this displacement process nearly ensures that this previously low-income and probably unsafe area will see huge growth in the years to come.  the benefits to businesses, consumers, etc. go on because, yes, gentrification does tend to make a neighborhood "safer," and therefore increase the number of business owners willing to move into an area which, along with a new type of resident, will in turn increase the amount of security present in that neighborhood.

but the point of it all is that the area is not made safer for those already living there.  after all, the families who have lived in the area for generations were forced to move when their property taxes were raised.  gentrification essentially chases away the poor (aka, "the dangerous," "the problem," and the people of color) to make room for the affluent.  what was once a community made up primarily of people of color has not only changed economically, but racially as well.  and those people are forced to move elsewhere to areas where - you've guessed it - are poorer and more affordable still.

now, in my day to day life, i rarely have to explain this concept, or argue on behalf of the displaced.  ever since i fell into my undergraduate major, most of the people i've been surrounded with have either been a part of my major (meaning they've critically studied privilege, race and identity as part of their academic careers), have been ethnic studies scholars, or have been other people of color themselves.  furthermore, living where i live right now, gentrification and its implications are ever-present and disheartening.

but i found myself having to explain/defend my point in this debate with friends.  and i also quickly found myself losing control of all previous argument skills i thought i had.  i could no longer separate logic from emotion.  i could not longer not take things personally.  i heard too much behind the words of friends, too many biases, too much of what i considered - at the time - to be unintended racism or disappointing ignorance of privilege and a lack of compassion.  and that's just not me, and it's definitely not them either.

so while the conversation wasn't easy, i'm glad i was a part of it.  because i learned more about myself than i had known before it.  i learned the value of taking a deep breath, and maintaining my composure when i otherwise wouldn't.  i learned that while i could firmly believe i was on the side of the morally and ethically right, it didn't give me free reign to read more into the words of others than what they really meant.  i learned to listen, and to speak so that i'm heard.

and that's sort an invaluable lesson in and of itself.

****************************************************************
if you're interested in an example of a development project which manages to be profitable (though perhaps not as profitable) and socially conscious at the same time, a model which will hopefully catch on around the country, check out the asian community development corporation's project in boston, ma.

communities are not just groupings of buildings.  they're homes and lives and people.  it just can't be right to push people out of their neighborhoods for the sake of a profit, and i feel like that would be apparent if we all just put ourselves in one another's shoes every once in a while.

go shawty, it's yo' birthday, we gon' party like it's yo' birthday

twenty-six years ago, at exactly this time (5:25pm hawaii time), there was a woman laying [screaming] in a hospital bed, in a little town called hilo on the eastern coast of the big island of hawaii.  she was young and pretty, and was about to bring into this world another daughter for herself and her husband, and a sister for her 3 year old.  she pushed.  and pushed.  and pushed.

and then out i popped with a head full dark hair and a scream that could wake the dead.

because of that hair (which was sticking straight up in an abnormally long mohawk), the nurses at the hospital nicknamed me Mrs. T.  and i like to think that it was because of that scream i was given my name: kahea (the call/voice).

it's my birthday today, and i'm turning 26.

do you remember when you were a kid and your mom used to come to school on your birthday with homemade cupcakes?  do you remember how great that was?  birthdays when you're little seem to dominate your entire world. you wait all year for that day to come and when it finally does, it's amazing.  presents.  cake.  balloons.  all good things.  and the best part of all?  you're an entire year older.  which, now that i'm over 18, doesn't seem like such an awesome thing after all.  time just goes by so quickly, and no matter how much you tell a child to appreciate being young, they never really know how.

i was having a conversation late last night with M. about being a year older and what that means.  it's sort of shocking to realize how drastically we all change between the ages of 18-26 (an arbitrary range that we just pulled out of thin air).  but that's really when we begin to discover who we are, you know?  and i know that who i think i am today is going to change even more in another 8 years, but i can't ignore the fact that i've grown up a tremendous amount, and i don't just mean my age.

(yes, i know i do this a lot, but...) i've gone away to school (again).  i've left the comfortable bubble that is hawaii and roamed [at least part of] the world.  i've gone to college and fallen in love.  i've had a quarter life crises, and have been forced to reevaluate my entire life.  my beliefs have been challenged and pushed.  my self-perception has been irrevocably altered.  i've learned the value of both pride and humility, and have tested my limits till the breaking point.  i've had experiences that forever changed who i am and have learned that anything is possible if you have people who love you in your life.

so on this day when some strange tradition dictates that i should be the one to receive gifts, i want to send out a thank you to all the people in my life.  whether you were present on the day i was born, or have only started reading my blog 5 minutes ago, thank you for being here/there/where ever you are.  i feel blessed to have you all in my life.

now i'm going to go and finish up work, buy my love some flowers (because he's turning 27 today too!), head home, and spend a quiet evening hanging out with him and our dog.  happy birthday, march 11 babies!

devastation, perspective and prayer

with all that's been happening lately, it's no surprise that so many of us have been considering our life perspectives and making the necessary adjustments to our priorities.  i'm no exception.

terrible cannot even begin to describe what's happened -- and is still happening -- in haiti.  we see the incredible amount of devastation on the news and it's hard to even imagine.  the feeling of...impotence...can also be an unexpected surprise.  i felt the same way shortly after we got news of the tsunami that hit samoa last year; i wanted to find some way of helping, a way that was much more tangible than just sending money, and i couldn't think of one.

what makes that feeling all the more real this time around is that, during law school, i worked for a human rights ngo called the institute for justice and democracy in haiti, which focused primarily on the political, social and economic rights of haitians.  while i don't pretend that this work gives me a better idea of what it must be like for those living through this experience first-hand, it does help me to see this disaster through the eyes of someone who has even a little experience with the social and economic position haiti was in prior to last weeks events and, subsequently, can start to begin to understand how bad things must be now, and will be in the foreseeable future.  added to that, a very close friend of mine, B. over at isn't she pretty in pink, is half haitian, and many of her family members and family friends currently live in haiti.  to even think of the worry she must be feeling is just...staggering.

and then, just yesterday, i got an email from another close friend, L. over at goodminton.  her sister in law, J.,  is currently serving in the peace corps in kazakhstan, and they just received word that she was in a serious car accident and is now in a coma.  L., her husband, and his parents are flying to frankfurt, germany today to be with her when she arrives at the hospital there.

they say, "when it rains, it pours," and that sentiment applies now, more than ever.  there are people out there right now (like there always are) who are hurting, grieving, lost, desperate and are still going strong.   their homes are destroyed, their family members are missing, their daughters, sisters, friends, are halfway around the world and in need.  yet they're coping.  they're amazing.  and here, in my little world, life is good.  relatively perfect, even.  and i whine.  every single day of my life, i whine.

shouldn't i use the time i have, when my life is so full of opportunity and possibility and good fortune, to help others?  to make a difference somewhere, anywhere?  shouldn't we all?

these are questions i ask myself as i watch the news and wonder where my life is leading me, and what tomorrow will bring.  when i remind myself that in a week, a day, a minute, even i could be in a set of very different shoes.  nothing is guaranteed.  nothing.  wouldn't i want someone to help me?  and if so, how?

but until i figure out the answers to those, and many other questions (please, kahea, please don't take too long!), i'm praying.  i'm praying for help, safety, comfort and wisdom for every person in haiti, and all of their family members, both in country and out.  i'm praying for J.'s recovery, and a safe journey for L. and her family.  and whatever it is you do, whether it's pray, or visualize, or act, whatever, i ask that you do it for them too.

thanks.

excuses, excuses

i'm sorry i've been absent lately, but between starting a new job, traveling for said new job, planning little sister's visit this weekend, going away for little sister's visit this weekend, nanowrimo, and the upcoming thanksgiving holiday, november has totally not been a good blogging month for me.

i will be back, make no mistake.

just not tonight.

and so, my dear blogger buddies, i leave you with this:

whoring it up for halloween

can we just take a minute and discuss the fact that it is nearly impossible for a grown woman to get a decent halloween costume without hooching herself out? am i the only one who's noticed this? am i the only one who's realized that, if you're between the sizes of teen and man, you will probably wind up at your annual halloween party decked out in a bikini top, micro-mini and stilettos?

unless of course you want to show up as a lime wedge. or a bowling pin.

needless to say i'm getting a little frustrated with the whole thing. i don't want to be adventure annie, or a dirty martini, or a mile high flight captain. and i definitely don't want to be some idiot's idea of a seductive squaw indian princess either (and not just because it's not pc). i just want to find a costume that will make me look cute without making me look like a hooker. is that to much to ask?

and, to be fair, let me just say that i don't even dislike all sexy costumes. in fact, i really wish i could wear some of them. these, for example:

sexy finding nemo, sexy jem (which is AMAZING), sexy sherlock and sexy willy wonka. love 'em. would never wear 'em, but love 'em just the same. and i know halloween is supposed to (in our commercialized world) be this one night where you can do anything and everything and sort of not be held accountable for it (as far as your wardrobe goes), but come on people! no matter how awesome your precision sculpted bod may be (and mine is definitely not), there are just some things that modesty won't allow. or so i say right now.

BUT, then there are those costumes that, no matter if i were victoria's secrets' number one angel, i'd never wear short of being completely trashed and in a room full of blind people. case in point? princess leia in the slave outfit. also known as "every man's fantasy":

and it's a pity because N. is the biggest star wars nerd i know.

so it's not that i hate sexy costumes. obviously, i don't. obviously, it would be nice if i could wear them, because apparently, sexy costumes are the only ones a grown woman is going to find these days.

hence my frustration.

with all that said, i've been on a mission to find a good, cute, sexy-but-not-whorish costume. some ideas i've got for what i want to be include a ladybug, a bee or a flower since N. is once again going to don his fat, furry bee costume which made him such a hit last year, and has requested that i at least try to find something that matches. i'm not committed to any of them just yet, and have yet to even find a flower costume. but here's what i've found so far:

the ladybug is obviously a teen costume which i opted for instead of the ultra revealing adult ladybug costumes. the bumble bee is also super cute. neither of them are overly skanky, and i'd be comfortable hanging out in them for a night, i think.

and then there's wanda the wizard. i've wanted this harry potter knock off costume since last year so it's a pretty big contender, particularly if some friends of mine end up having the hogwarts halloween party they've been talking about. now, i know it looks like it could be somewhat of a scandalous pick, but like the ladybug and the bumble bee costumes, i'd definitely wear leggings under this one.

then, of course, there's the obligatory female death eater costume. i can't explain it, but i just couldn't get past the idea of being bellatrix lestrange for a night! again, this is a big possibility if the hogwarts party happens, maybe not so much if it doesn't.

the next two costumes are just here to give me a chance to wear a pretty dress and, quite possibly, my first ever wig. after all, you can't be a greek goddess or cleopatra without a wig, can you?

and finally, there is spongebob! i love it. there's nothing else to say, i love absolutely everything about this costume!

unfortunately, however, i also have to face the very real fact that i just don't have a lot of money right now, and costumes (for some God awful reason) are hideously expensive! SO, i have a back up plan! (really, did you think i wouldn't?). i don't have a picture or anything because it's sort of homemade, but it's pretty simple. i'm going to take one of my graduation gowns (probably the law school one since it has the cool velvet on the sleeves), raise the hemline a little, get myself a yellow graduation sash, put one of my tassles on the cap i saved, and voila! i'm a graduate! it isn't the most creative costume ever, but i still think it's pretty clever! and it's cheap!

finally, though i don't think he'll actually be partaking in the halloween festivities, and i definitely know he wouldn't appreciate it if he were, i couldn't help but look for a costume for our pooch. lo and behold, some of the world's cutest costumes ever:

notice the unhappy looks on their faces. but still, why would you not dress your dog up as a giraffe?!

so, do you have any idea what you're going to be for halloween? will it be store-bought or handmade? and would you mind if i copied you? :)

note to self

i saw this over at i suwanee and wanted to laugh and/or cry. i couldn't decide so i posted it instead.

apparently, i'm vintage

while online window-shopping this morning (because, yes, online window-shopping is apparently part of my morning routine...right after having a diet coke and sending out a bazillion job applications), i came across something interesting.

the job listing was for a copywriter for an online vintage clothing magazine entitled "shopnastygal.com". don't ask why, but curiosity got the best of me -- i mean, what kind of vintage clothing was this exactly? and why, if it's just your run-of-the-mill sort, would you name it that?! so i clicked. and was pleasantly surprised to find that it wasn't some sort of soft porn site, but was in fact just sort of urban outfitter-ish. (i still haven't figured out why the powers that be named the store shopnastygal. bad pr, i guess?).

but while browsing, something else occurred to me.

when did the 90's become vintage?

were you as big a fan of "my so-called life" [aka, jordan catalano drool-a-thon] as i was? well, shopnastygal seems to specialize in clothing from that era. which, to me, is not vintage.

when i think of vintage, i tend to think of maybe the 50's through the 80's, if even that. for the most part, the 80's and definitely the 90's are just...old clothes.

a denim jacket with studs? flannel (which, for the record, i love)? those flow-y sun dresses that came crinkled? crushed velvet? retro. thifted. not vintage.

and you should not be charging more than $20 for said clothing. unless they're brand new from UO of course.

anyway, i had to check out my theory. and the all-knowing Wiki has spoken:

"Generally speaking, clothing which was produced before the 1920s is referred to as antique clothing and clothing from the 1920s to 1980 is considered vintage. Retro, short for retrospective, usually refers to clothing that imitates the style of a previous era. Clothing produced more recently is usually called modern or contemporary fashion. Opinions vary on these definitions."

a small bone to pick, i know. but what can i say? it made me feel old.

Randomness

in other news, i kind of want to revamp my blog... i don't really like the header very much, or the double sidebars on the right. i have some favorite blogs that i'll take some inspiration from, but this is gonna require me to relearn all that html i tried so hard to forget. :) i guess we'll wait and see what kinds of things i can think up!

INTJ: the strategist

K. had me take a personality test yesterday and i thought i'd post the results since they were sort of interesting. now, obviously there are flaws with the way you conduct a personality test and the results are therefore skewed, but whatever. it's still fun!

OVERVIEW

Independent, original, analytical, and determined. Have an exceptional ability to turn theories into solid plans of action. Highly value knowledge, competence, and structure. Driven to derive meaning from their visions. Long-range thinkers. Have very high standards for their performance, and the performance of others. Natural leaders, but will follow if they trust existing leaders.

As an INTJ, your primary mode of living is focused internally, where you take things in primarily via your intuition. Your secondary mode is external, where you deal with things rationally and logically.

INTJs live in the world of ideas and strategic planning. They value intelligence, knowledge, and competence, and typically have high standards in these regards, which they continuously strive to fulfill. To a somewhat lesser extent, they have similar expectations of others.

With Introverted Intuition dominating their personality, INTJs focus their energy on observing the world, and generating ideas and possibilities. Their mind constantly gathers information and makes associations about it. They are tremendously insightful and usually are very quick to understand new ideas. However, their primary interest is not understanding a concept, but rather applying that concept in a useful way. Unlike the INTP, they do not follow an idea as far as they possibly can, seeking only to understand it fully. INTJs are driven to come to conclusions about ideas. Their need for closure and organization usually requires that they take some action.

INTJ's tremendous value and need for systems and organization, combined with their natural insightfulness, makes them excellent scientists. An INTJ scientist gives a gift to society by putting their ideas into a useful form for others to follow. It is not easy for the INTJ to express their internal images, insights, and abstractions. The internal form of the INTJ's thoughts and concepts is highly individualized, and is not readily translatable into a form that others will understand. However, the INTJ is driven to translate their ideas into a plan or system that is usually readily explainable, rather than to do a direct translation of their thoughts. They usually don't see the value of a direct transaction, and will also have difficulty expressing their ideas, which are non-linear. However, their extreme respect of knowledge and intelligence will motivate them to explain themselves to another person who they feel is deserving of the effort.

INTJs are natural leaders, although they usually choose to remain in the background until they see a real need to take over the lead. When they are in leadership roles, they are quite effective, because they are able to objectively see the reality of a situation, and are adaptable enough to change things which aren't working well. They are the supreme strategists - always scanning available ideas and concepts and weighing them against their current strategy, to plan for every conceivable contingency.

INTJs spend a lot of time inside their own minds, and may have little interest in the other people's thoughts or feelings. Unless their Feeling side is developed, they may have problems giving other people the level of intimacy that is needed. Unless their Sensing side is developed, they may have a tendency to ignore details which are necessary for implementing their ideas.

The INTJ's interest in dealing with the world is to make decisions, express judgments, and put everything that they encounter into an understandable and rational system. Consequently, they are quick to express judgments. Often they have very evolved intuitions, and are convinced that they are right about things. Unless they complement their intuitive understanding with a well-developed ability to express their insights, they may find themselves frequently misunderstood. In these cases, INTJs tend to blame misunderstandings on the limitations of the other party, rather than on their own difficulty in expressing themselves. This tendency may cause the INTJ to dismiss others input too quickly, and to become generally arrogant and elitist.

INTJs are ambitious, self-confident, deliberate, long-range thinkers. Many INTJs end up in engineering or scientific pursuits, although some find enough challenge within the business world in areas which involve organizing and strategic planning. They dislike messiness and inefficiency, and anything that is muddled or unclear. They value clarity and efficiency, and will put enormous amounts of energy and time into consolidating their insights into structured patterns.

Other people may have a difficult time understanding an INTJ. They may see them as aloof and reserved. Indeed, the INTJ is not overly demonstrative of their affections, and is likely to not give as much praise or positive support as others may need or desire. That doesn't mean that he or she doesn't truly have affection or regard for others, they simply do not typically feel the need to express it. Others may falsely perceive the INTJ as being rigid and set in their ways. Nothing could be further from the truth, because the INTJ is committed to always finding the objective best strategy to implement their ideas. The INTJ is usually quite open to hearing an alternative way of doing something.

When under a great deal of stress, the INTJ may become obsessed with mindless repetitive, Sensate activities, such as over-drinking. They may also tend to become absorbed with minutia and details that they would not normally consider important to their overall goal.

INTJs need to remember to express themselves sufficiently, so as to avoid difficulties with people misunderstandings. In the absence of properly developing their communication abilities, they may become abrupt and short with people, and isolationists.

INTJs have a tremendous amount of ability to accomplish great things. They have insight into the Big Picture, and are driven to synthesize their concepts into solid plans of action. Their reasoning skills gives them the means to accomplish that. INTJs are most always highly competent people, and will not have a problem meeting their career or education goals. They have the capability to make great strides in these arenas. On a personal level, the INTJ who practices tolerances and puts effort into effectively communicating their insights to others has everything in his or her power to lead a rich and rewarding life.

RELATIONSHIPS

INTJs believe in constant growth in relationships, and strive for independence for themselves and their mates. They are constantly embarking on "fix-up" projects to improve the overall quality of their lives and relationships. They take their commitments seriously, but are open to redefining their vows, if they see something which may prove to be an improvement over the existing understanding. INTJs are not likely to be "touchy-feely" and overly affirming with their mates or children, and may at times be somewhat insensitive to their emotional needs. However, INTJs are in general extremely capable and intelligent individuals who strive to always be their best, and be moving in a positive direction. If they apply these basic goals to their personal relationships, they are likely to enjoy happy and healthy interaction with their families and friends.

INTJ Strengths

• Not threatened by conflict or criticism
• Usually self-confident
• Takes their relationships and commitments seriously
• Generally extremely intelligent and capable
• Able to leave a relationship which should be ended, although they may dwell on it in their minds for awhile afterwards
• Interested in "optimizing" their relationships
• Good listeners
  

INTJ Weaknesses

• Not naturally in tune with others feelings; may be insensitive at times
• May tend to respond to conflict with logic and reason, rather than the desired emotional support
• Not naturally good at expressing feelings and affections
• Tendency to believe that they're always right
• Tendency to be unwilling or unable to accept blame
• Their constant quest to improve everything may be taxing on relationships
• Tends to hold back part of themselves
  

INTJs as Lovers

INTJs live much of their lives inside their own heads. They constantly scan their environment for new ideas and theories which they can turn into plans and structures. Sometimes, what they see and understand intuitively within themselves is more pure and "perfect" than the reality of a close personal relationship. INTJs may have a problem reconciling their reality with their fantasy.

INTJs are not naturally in tune with their own feelings, or with what other people are feeling. They also have a tendency to believe that they are always right. While their self-confidence and esteem is attractive, their lack of sensitivity to others can be a problem if it causes them to inadvertently hurt their partner's feelings. If this is a problem for an INTJ, they should remember to sometimes let their mate be the one who is right, and to try to be aware of the emotional effect that your words have upon them. In conflict situations, INTJs need to remember to be supportive to their mate's emotional needs, rather than treating the conflict as if it is an interesting idea to analyze.

Sexually, the INTJ enjoys thinking about intimacy, and about ways to perfect it. In positive relationships, their creativity and intensity shine through in this arena. In more negative relationships, they might enjoy thinking about sex more than actually doing it. They're likely to approach intimacy from a theoretical, creative perspective, rather than as an opportunity to express love and affection. The INTJ who has learned the importance of these kinds of expressions to the health of their relationship, however, is likely to be more verbally affectionate.

INTJs are able to leave relationships when they're over, and get on with their lives. They believe that this is the right thing to do. They may have more difficulty accomplishing the task than they like to exhibit to other people.

INTJs are highly intense, intelligent people who bring a lot of depth and insight into most major areas of their life. In terms of relationships, their greatest potential pitfall is the tendency to think about things rather than doing them, and their difficulty reconciling reality with their inner visions. INTJs are likely to be in positive, healthy relationships, because they're likely to leave relationships which aren't working for them (unless other circumstances prohibit that).

Although two well-developed individuals of any type can enjoy a healthy relationship, the INTJ's natural partner is the ENFP, or the +. INTJ's dominant function of Introverted Intuition is best matched with a partner whose personality is dominated by Extraverted Intuition.

INTJs as Parents

As parents, INTJ's main goal is to raise their children to be intelligent, autonomous and independent. They want their kids to think for themselves and make their own decisions, and so are likely to give them room to grow, and to challenge their decisions and thoughts at key points in their lives.

The INTJ is not naturally likely to be an overly supportive or loving parental figure. Since their own need for expressions of love and affirmation is relatively low, they may have difficulty seeing that need in their children who have Feeling preferences. If they do see this sensitivity, they may not recognize or value the importance of feeding it. In such situations, there will be a distance between the INTJ and the child. This is a problem area for the INTJ, who should consciously remember to be aware of others' emotional needs.

INTJs as Friends

INTJs are usually difficult to get to know well, and difficult to get close to. Those who are close to the INTJ will highly value them for their ideas and knowledge. Although INTJs are generally very serious-minded people, they also have been known to enjoy letting loose and having fun, if others pull them into it. They also can be really good at telling jokes, and exhibiting a sarcastic wit with a poker face.

The INTJ is not likely to choose to spend time with people who they feel don't have anything to offer the INTJ. They especially like to spend time with other Intuitive Thinkers, and also usually enjoy the company of Intuitive Feelers. These personality types love to theorize and speculate about ideas, and so can usually relate well to the INTJ, who loves to analyze ideas.

Many INTJs believe that they are always right. In some INTJs, this belief is quite obvious, while in others it is more subtle. Some people may have a difficult time accepting what they see as a "superior attitude" or "snobbery". Not to imply that INTJs are snobbish, just that some people with strong Feeling preferences may perceive them that way. And some individuals simply have no interest in the theoretical pursuits which the INTJ enjoys.

rice and seafood, and cute wedge shoes

so somewhere between walking around in shoes that are admittedly either a size too small for me or just made of incredibly incredibly tight leather, and listening to some friends tell the unsuspecting waiting at the tapas bar that the paella we ordered was all bad for a number of reasons, i realized something.

i'm not a complainer.

i mean, i'm a whiner like most people are. i whine about, well, the fact that my shoes are too small, and about law school, and my boyfriend when he forgets things that he shouldn't forget. but in the general sense of the word, when in comes to things in public, i'm not a complainer.

take tonight for example. my shoes are too tight for me. i bought them almost a year ago online, got them in the mail, tried them on, and realized that yes, they are too small. but i didn't return them. i don't know why i didn't, i just didn't. since then, i haven't taken them out of the shoe box. tonight, however, i thought to myself: lets try the shoes out. did i think my feet shrunk? did i think the shoes had magically stretched themselves out while resting quietly in a box at the bottom of my closet? no. but i put them on anyway.

and a little later, i'm sitting around a table at a cute little tapas bar on piedmont ave and we're about to pay our bill. the waiter comes back to clear our dishes and someone says how the paella (which i of course didn't eat because the shellfish would have sent me in to anaphylactic shock) was a bit burnt. then someone chimes in that it was really greasy. and someone else says how they used bacon to cook the rice (which - and i didn't know this - you should never do with paella). and someone mentions that it was really just not good at all. however, as we're all saying this, it's made a bit awkward by the fact that the paella bowl is sitting in the middle of our table...empty. but this goes on for a few minutes, and then it's made clear to our waiter that this is not being said to get the cost of the paella taken off of the check, but rather to offer some constructive criticism.

and N. leans over to me and whispers, "you must be just so uncomfortable. this goes against everything about you."

so i thought about it, and then i realized he was sort of right. i'm not sure if it's a cultural thing or just me and the way i was raised, but for some reason, i don't complain. if a waiter gives me the wrong order, i'll eat it. if what i ordered tastes bad, i'll suffer through it and remember not to order it again next time. if my waiter sucks, well...okay, then i cut the tip. but you get the picture. i just hate feeling like i'm inconveniencing someone. i don't know. maybe it's a side effect of being shy.

bottom line is that the paella was indeed taken off the check, and my shoes are now broken in and quite comfy.


OFF TOPIC:
it's been officially confirmed that taylor lautner will continue to play jacob in new moon!

random additions

1. so i just did about three loads of laundry. i noticed my laundry needed to be done when, a few days ago, i was forced to wear a shirt i haven't worn in 2 years. this happens every semester during finals. anyway, i now have clean clothes (woo-hoo!), and as i'm putting those clothes away in my closet, i'm struck by this alarming realization: nearly ALL of my clothes are solid colored. i just took another look, and i think i can see FOUR shirts with print on them. FOUR! does this make be boring, or consistent? does it mean i'm afraid to try new things, or that i'm a woman who knows my own mind? the things you think about on laundry day...
2. i'd forgotten how much i love missy higgins. here are some of my favorite missy higgins songs. the first one, "sugarcane," is a particular favorite.

blog love

so the ever-wonderful ashley over at writingtoreachyou has passed on some blog love to me, and i'm just going to keep it rollin' in the hopes that even more people will feel special too! thing is, i think i'm supposed to pass it on to 10 more bloggers that i enjoy, but i just haven't worked up to reading that many yet! so until then, let me send this:

out to: the artist in the ambulance, isn't she pretty in pink, goodminton, and of course, writing to reach you.