today's obsession

just a quick and dirty post because i can't stop listening to this album. hence, today's obsession:

p.s. "manhattan" is great.

impossibly excited

it may be time to move on from twilight. at least until new moon comes out. and what better way?

twilight review!

so the twilight movie has finally been released and i, for one, was really excited to see it. some friends and i braved the masses of tweens on friday night and were able to get our first looks at the film. here are my thoughts:

• i've never been a great judge of movies. no one i know will ever claim that i have amazing taste in my favorite flicks, and will actually probably be more likely to say that i tend to love awesomely bad movies. so the fact that i liked twilight should come as no surprise to anyone. it isn't a great movie. i'm not delusional enough to think it is. but i liked it just the same.
• the cheese factor in this movie is through the roof. i mean, at times the awkwardness was straight up painful. (picture me, hands over face, cringing into my sister and whispering over and over, "ohmygod, i can't watch, i can't watch, i can't watch.") but that's sort of how the book is, you know? edward's lines are cheesy. the romance is cheesy. that's why we love it. because it's not real life. and i feel like those lines almost had to be kept in the movie to even keep the movie true to the book. if edward was just this smooth guy, he wouldn't be edward. because edward is most definitely not smooth. he's a melodramatic manic depressive obsessive compulsive stalker vampire. so while i admit that, at times, the pained look that crossed edward's film-face was over the top, i'll deal with it. besides, it's robert pattinson's face. who wouldn't deal with it?!
• speaking of cheesy lines, the lion and lamb line was kept in! and it wasn't nearly as bad as it could have been! i thought the actors pulled it off much as it could have been pulled off. besides, if that line was taken out of the movie, could you imagine the riots that would cause?
  
• i didn't have as much faith in kristen stewart playing bella as i should have. because i really enjoyed her portrayal. it came across truer to bella than i thought it would, and that was a pleasant surprise i wasn't expecting. the voice over in particular set the movie for me right from the start, and i think she had the right tone when delivering it.
  
• charlie was awesome. one of my favorite characters in the movie, while he wasn't necessarily one of my favorites in the books.
• i think i was prepared for the beginning half of the movie to be rushed, so it wasn't that bad for me. some of the girls i watched the movie with were disappointed with the speed at which bella and edward's relationship developed since, as we all know, it took nearly 300 pages for that same relationship to develop in the book. but i was impressed that it even took as long as it did in the movie. i thought it was a clever adaptation in that they had to fit an entire week of back and forth questioning between the book's bella and edward into about 5 minutes for the movie's bella and edward.
• oh, the sparkling-in-the-sun scene. should have left it out... i think we all would have understood. they should also probably steer away from doing close-ups of the characters while they're flying. like, the mid-air shot of bella and edward when edward is flying from one tree to the next? baaaad effect.
  
• can i just say how excited i was that iron & wine's "flightless bird, american mouth" ended up being the prom song playing in the last scene? which was also my favorite scene in the movie. i love love love that song.
• um, i want a volvo c30. cutest little sports car ever.
  
• supporting cast: i've said it once, i'll say it again. i have a girl crush on alice. which is why i wish she was in the movie more, but i guess we can look forward to that more now that the next books are being adapted! oh, and dear jasper: what is up with your expressions?! you are so cute in real life! why do you look so strange in the film? love, kahea. emmett and rosalie are perfect emmetts and rosalies, and i loved the supporting cast playing bella's human friends. jessica in particular was awesome in that way that she was the girl you knew in high school that you were great frenemies with. bad vamps = bad vamps. and hot james was, well, hot.
• baseball scene was actually better on the big screen than i thought it was in the book. maybe because i'm not a big baseball person. or sports person in general for that matter. that look that rosalie shoots bella when she's called out...i think i've seen my older sister give girls that look before. i pitied them, and i pitied bella.
• what can i say about jacob? not impressed with the wig. pull it back in a pony-tail and maybe it'll work. and that's all i've got. i figure i'll have enough to say about him in the next couple movies. (though isn't the actor playing jacob just adorable?)
  
• the makeup. hmmmmm... i think here i have to join the critics and ask what the eff was up with edward's lipstick?! i mean, i get that they have to have pale skin (though carlisle's skin may have been a bit too powdery), but edward's lipstick is practically darker than mine.
• i think one of my least favorite scenes was the hospital scene. and i'm not sure what this says about the entire movie itself, so i'm just going to write it here and see what everyone else thinks. i'm talking about several lines of dialogue specifically. those lines where edward is telling bella that she should go to jacksonville and bella starts freaking out saying how he can't leave her and all that. and i don't know. that felt rushed for me, more than the entire beginning part of the movie did. but i think it felt rushed because the beginning was rushed. it just felt like, "really? you're that in love with him already? i didn't get that..." so i don't know. that was my big complaint with the script, i think. i'm just not sure if that one little complaint is a reflection on the whole script, you know?
  
• biggest drawback of the movie for me was the crowd in the theater i watched it in. i mean, i get that people love robert pattinson, and love edward's character even more. but seriously? you're in a public theater. so that means you should shut up during a movie. if you want to cat call, yell out some pretty disgusting suggestions (that, btw, would be totally illegal because you're all jail bait), and propose to the actor on the screen in front of you, wait until the movie comes out on dvd, rent it, and do those things in the comfort of your own living room. i mean, yes, there were times when i laughed out loud at the awkwardness. and even more times when i clenched my hands in anticipation for what i knew was coming next (i.e. the big kiss), but i'm not going to sit there screaming. but i guess that's what i get for watching it with 13 year olds. my one consolation? the theater gave away raffles right before the movie started. just pins, posters, t-shirts, and the grand prize of all three. guess who won the grand prize? that's right, yours truly! so when i walked back to my seat with my loot, some 15 year old begs, "ohhh, can i have it, pleeease?" and i get to snootily say no, then hand it all to my little sister. best moment ever.

alrighty, so those are my thoughts on the new twilight movie. overall, on a scale of 1-10, i'd give it a...6.5 or a 7. i'll definitely watch new moon and anything else they adapt, and i'll probably see twilight again. i think i've convinced my boyfriend to see it with me on wednesday when hopefully all the tweens will be in school.

he owes me BIG for apaloosa.

interesting...

a crash course in hawaiian history...or not.

on one hand, i'm glad that a movie is being made, because i don't think a lot of people are aware of what happened to hawaii. and i guess i understand why they had to add a romance that for all intents and purposes never even happened into it. this is hollywood, after all. but on the other hand, i definitely think it could have been compelling enough without the romance.

i guess i can only say that i hope q'orianka kilcher (who, don't get me wrong, i support whole-heartedly as a native actress) plays princess ka'iulani as a strong woman. because i'd like to think she was a strong woman who would have made even more of a difference in the fate of hawaii had she lived.

hello, blog. i'm back

i've been absent lately, almost 2 weeks now, actually. and i have excuses to boot. but i guess that'll all be covered. i just know that a lot of what i've been thinking/feeling/seeing for the passed 14 days won't make it into this post, and that's a shame. but i won't remember it all, nor will i know how/where to fit it in so that i don't appear a mumbling mass of incoherent writer. so this post will be what it is. in absentia and all.

so my last post was on election night. there are no words to express what it is like watching history happen in front of your eyes. watching hope spring, i guess. i mean, it really is something amazing to see that simple and that complex of an emotion once you thought it dead. as sad as it is, i honestly thought hope was dead in americans. at least when it came to america. and to see it again was so encouraging. i mean, it's obvious (and the obama camp keeps saying it like a mantra) that our country is in a terrible state right now, and fixing it won't be easy, and it won't happen overnight. but the fact that americans are even hoping that it can happen at all says something in and of itself.

i'm going to admit now that i was on the fence for a while. i wanted hillary to be the democratic nominee. not because i didn't want it to be obama. but because obama didn't give me any reason not to want it to be hillary. and then when he won, i thought to myself, "okay, now show me. show me why you deserve my vote, not by default, but by policy." and on top of that, mccain has sound Indian policy, sound immigration policy, he's worked with Hawaii senators on issues for Native Hawaiians, and his history as a vet (though by now I think everyone's sick of it, but at the time...) did make an impression on me. but then palin happened. and, oh, she happened big.

i have never, in my life, been so afraid of the american people. i was terrified that they would vote her into office. now, i'm not the jon stewart type of girl, okay? i generally dislike when people make any kind of fun of others. and i really dislike when they make money off of it. does no one else find this rude and...unclassy? anyway, regardless of this personality quirk of mine, can i just say how tina fey became my overnight hero? those skits...wow. tina fey single-handedly immortalized the idiocy that was palin-for-vice-president.

and, i mean, come on! palin over biden?! really?! i love biden. i think he's going to be amazing. and that choice, in the end, is what solidified the obama vote for me. even over the palin-upchuck-reflex. for me, obama choosing biden said, "hey, this guy may not have experience, but he's smart enough to recognize his weaknesses and plan accordingly. he'll surround himself with people who's strengths he can play off of. he's already making great decisions."

and so obama got my vote. and i voted in what is undoubtedly the most historic presidential election our country has seen yet.

but in the midst of this amazing win for america's future (fingers crossed!), came the california prop 8 vote.

now, i'm not a california voter, and i was really glad i wasn't. because, and i know this may be hard for some to hear, but i'm not sure how i would have voted, and i probably would have left that box blank.

it's a really difficult position for me to be in. because on one hand, i'm the type of person who respects the law enough that i think legislating my religious beliefs on another is not acceptable. they are my beliefs, and not anyone elses. we have civil rights for a reason: because everyone, no matter what, should be treated equally. not allowing someone to marry because of who they are marrying is not equality.

but on the other hand, these are my beliefs. well, they should be. i grew up in a very christian family. my aunt and grandmother are pastors, for crying out loud. my step mother is ordained. whenever i come to my father with a problem, i can almost count on this being the first answer i hear: "well, you need to pray about it, baby. you know, only the lord knows the right answer." so it becomes difficult when faced with a decision that invokes all of these religious ties, and when you grow up learning that, from that perspective, this is wrong. and while no one should be able to legislate their beliefs on someone else, isn't that why we're a democracy? so that it's not one person's beliefs becoming law? but rather, it's the majority's opinion, religious or no. the problem, i guess, arises when so much of the country is of one religious persuasion.

so i guess i wanted to ask God what he believes is right. do we deny people their happiness? their opportunity to be just like the rest of us? is that what he wanted? and if so, why? why were people created in ways that would deny them their rights? what did He mean by doing this?

do you think we'll ever get our answers? isn't that what faith is? the belief that He's already given you the answers? am i just looking for an easy way out?

i told you i had some complicated things to write. :)

things have sort of finally settled down though, and i'm glad. i'm not sure how much more i could have taken. the reason i haven't blogged in a while was because i've been in trial mode. i had my culminating event for my trial practice class this passed weekend. that event was a three hour trial. i was on a firm of 3, defense-counsel, and for my part, i had to do 2 cross-exams of plaintiff's experts, one 776 exam of an adverse witness, and one direct examination.

i can say two things about this first trial experience of mine:

first, i was not cut out to be a trial lawyer. it's just honest-to-goodness not in me. i don't thrive in that kind of pressured environment. i dislike the subtle, underhanded hostility that goes on between plaintiff's counsel and defense counsel. you know that feeling that you're told you'll get? the adrenaline feeling that you'll crave after the first time you try it? yeah, i don't feel that. i feel slightly sick each time i think of having to ever go to trial. to ever stand in front of a bunch of strangers and convince them that i'm right, while someone else is trying to convince them that i'm wrong and i can't just turn to that person and say, "shove it!" the procedure of trials themselves are just mind-boggling. and the stress is quite frankly not worth it.

second, if i were ever going to do this again? i'd be a rockstar at cross-exams. they say that you can tell what kind of trial lawyering style you'd have after the very first time. they're right. i'm great at crosses because i can attack someone without seeming to attack them. my boyfriend watched me during the trial and said he felt pity for the people i crossed, because they didn't know what was coming. i just sweetly box them in, and box them in, and box them in, until i finally have them exactly where i want them, and then i ruin them. it's because i have a sweet and shy sort of personality (in front of strangers. i should make that clarification because my friends are laughing their asses off in disbelief right now.). the cross is sort of like lulling the witness into complacency, and then impeaching them. and it helps knowing that i know every single answer they're going to give me.

while gearing up for the trial, i found myself thinking one night on the commute home about how amazing the human body is. i mean, speaking of my body, i'm constantly amazed at how much it can endure. how much it can...stretch...to accommodate the crap i do to it. and not just the body like, the muscles or bones or tissues and stuff. but more specifically, the mind. i mean, i don't think it's a secret that i've felt like i'm being held together by fraying thread at the moment. and last week, i think i cried on nearly every commute home. most of the time because of the sheer exhaustion of having to think about a million things at once and not knowing what to do about any of them. and the fact that i was able to deal enough to do a trial just really made me appreciate my body and mind more. and made me wonder where my limits are. because if these aren't it, was i made to withstand more? am i going to have to?

there's this carrie underwood song where the lyrics say something about the mountain you've been climbing being just a grain of sand. what a thought.

and speaking of carrie underwood. i went to her concert saturday night as a "congratulations, you survived trial practice!" with M. it was great. i miss going to shows. B. and i are planning on making more time for them next semester. i'm glad. i feel like i'm making moves to reclaim the part of me that i regret losing at some point.

and i guess that's as good an update as any for the night! it feels good to get it all down again.

hello, blog. i missed you, too.



reminders for future posts:

favorite lines from songs
twilight movie review
sad/happy playlists

FINALLY!!!

OBAMAMAMAMMAMAMAMAMAMA!!!!!!!

here's to our new PRESIDENT!!

mid-day update

so two things for this mid-day update, i guess.

FIRST:


and SECOND, a little inspiration from ms. rhea:

A Message by George Carlin:

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.

We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.

We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space We've done larger things, but not better things.

We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete...

Remember, spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever.

Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side.

Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent.

Remember, to say, 'I love you' to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you.

Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again.

Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.

AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

one way streets

i'm feeling sad again tonight for no good reason. i mean, i could think of a thousand reasons, but none of them are good enough. i think i'm just scraping the bottom of the barrel energy- and emotion-wise. i can feel myself on this one way street to burnout and i just can't make myself get off.

and in the midst of this, there's this irritating question lingering in the back of my mind that just refuses to go away: after i graduate from law school, if i choose not to take the bar and not to become a lawyer, what will i do?

it's terrifying, to say the least.

i'm one of those people that needs direction in life. i've built my future in my head already and it's all contingent on this next step. on graduating and getting a job. on being a lawyer. and lately i've been wondering if i even want that future anymore.

do you have any idea what it does to your head to question this much of who you are?

what do you do when your plan doesn't seem as good as it once did? do you cut and run? find another plan? find another future? realize that you're still young, you haven't signed a contract in blood, you can change?

or do you stick it out? say, "suck it up, you're getting everything you want!"? do you power through until [hopefully] the feeling of discontent and utter...sadness...passes?

i guess i thought i was done with the drastic changes. so stupid to think so, right? but i thought that i had it figured out (and those of you who really know me are rolling their eyes right now). i mean, i honest to goodness thought that i would want to do what i'm setting out to do, and i'd want to do it for the foreseeable future. and i'm one of those people who almost stubbornly clings to my decisions. which is why i'm where i am right now, i guess.

and it's not just the career part of my life. it's others. but i think those are still a little too scary of prospects for me to face. i'll have to soon. i know i will. but i don't think i can just this minute. call me a chicken, i don't care.

i don't know. i don't think i'm making sense. i'm going to stop, try to gather my thoughts, get some work done, and hopefully write a little later this week with a clearer picture for you all.



in other news, my happy music playlist is growing!