finals hiatus

*countdown till graduation: 26 days.

hey friends. i'm going to just go ahead and put you all on notice that blog updates will probably continue to be on hiatus until the end of finals in a couple of weeks. i have a bunch of stuff i want to post, and if i ever get my crap together and finish my papers and outlines, i'll post them. but until that time...i miss you all!

i'll keep reading everyone else's posts though! it'll keep me semi-sane during my LAST FINALS SEASON OF LAW SCHOOL!

who i am meets who i used to be

what i'm listening to: "come on get higher" - matt nathanson

there's something to be said about experiencing again the life you used to have and realizing that it was amazing. in college, i used to go shows. (and by show i mean a small-ish concert, of a certain genre of music - so i'm not counting the rolling stones or van morrison, or jr. gong, etc.). not as many as i should have, or would have like, or that many of my others friends managed to go to, but enough so that it was a big part of my life.

the showbox. el corazon. the crowds. the small venues. the stages. hoodies. chucks. tattoos. cigarettes and beer. amazing music. taking back sunday. the used. brand new. greenwheel. thrice. all-american rejects. ben lee. 30 seconds to mars. nofx. mxpx. new found glory. death cab for cutie. eisley. something corporate. dashboard confessional. the starting line. yellowcard.

more.

and then i just stopped going. i don't know why, but i know i've missed it.

so last night, for the first time in probably 4 years, i've gone to a show. B., who may just be one of my long-lost musical soulmates, and i went to see jack's mannequin at the warfield in san francisco. low vs. diamond and matt nathanson opened for them. and it was so just what i needed. jm played every single song i wanted/needed to hear. made even more epic by the fact that i really do think "dark blue" is one of those songs that helped me survive the second half of last year. we sang, we danced, we screamed at the top of our lungs.

we were in college again. can i be in college more often?

for K: jack's mannequin is my jimmy eat world.

unfortunately, my little digital didn't take the greatest pictures, so instead i'm posting some videos from last night that people have already uploaded.

changes and renewals

after writing yesterday's post, i was left thinking about my new year's resolutions. i don't think there's been a year in my life where i've gone back and checked in to see how i was doing with my resolutions, and i definitely have never "renewed" a resolution. i'm going to try it this year though, because most things that are worth it require management and maintenance. here goes nothing.

Resolution 1):

join a gym. notice that for once it doesn't say, "lose weight." i never keep that resolution. this one is a bit more baby-step-ish, so i feel better about it. there's a gym i have in mind that i'm going to check out next week. and yes, the joining does entail actually going to the gym. i purposefully set up my class schedule so that it allows for more "me time" this semester, which includes exercising, so i think i'm headed in the right direction.

well, i'm technically still a member of the gym. and i love the gym itself. it's nice and clean and there are tons of classes to take. i never have to wait for a machine, the locker rooms are fantastic, and it's pretty close by. but if i'm totally honest, i have definitely not been sticking with this resolution. i don't think i've gone to the gym in a month (a month!). it's disgusting. my butt and thighs hate me, and my abs are officially AWOL. the really sad thing is that i think i'm going to have to cancel my membership from dream-gym. N. and i are going to be moving before june, and with the increase in rent and the decrease in budget (because the government doesn't give you financial aid for being a loafer), i can't afford what has essentially become a flab tax.

but who knows, maybe i'll find a cheaper gym that i'll like. (*looks around, skeptical and depressed*). if not, i can always just get a dog and run around the block.

Resolution 2):

write. this one excites me. it's purely meant to be writing for pleasure. not publication, not academia, just for fun. whether anyone will ever read it doesn't really matter. i need to write again.

well, according to my last post, i've failed at this resolution too. i don't write regularly, and it's mainly because of the same old reason: i claim i have no time. i mean, i've written for publication, and i'm currently writing for academia, but as we see by the resolution i wasn't about to take my own bulls**t excuses, so those don't count.

i am completely willing and ready to renew this resolution though.

Resolution 3):

get out of credit card debt. for more on this, see "confessions of a shopaholic" post.

let me just say that i've officially paid of not one, but TWO of my three credit cards! of course, the one that isn't paid off yet is the biggest (with the highest interest), but i had to start somewhere. i'm still dealing with the mental block that is me not being able to give up that credit card because it's my miles card (i've already earned a round trip to europe or south america!), but i'm trying!

again though, because of the move (which wasn't supposed to happen until the fall, but is now happening WAY ahead of schedule), my monthly payments on the card will be a bit smaller than they have been. and once we're in the process of the actual move and we have to buy stuff to furnish the new pad, i'm worried that the credit card will be back in high demand. particularly since my budget at this point is pretty frozen. without a job lined up after graduation, and with a post-bar trip to pay for, everything's really, really cramped.

but i'll renew this resolution anyway. where there's a will, right?

Resolution 4):

not make myself sick over what may happen after graduation. my problem has always been that i need a plan to the point where i make myself suffer if i don't. this is the first time in my life that a huge life change is coming up (graduation in may), and i have absolutely no idea where i'm going to be after it. currently, i have the possibility of a job i may want lined up, and the ability to apply for other jobs i probably don't want at my fingertips. it's the first time i don't know what i really want though, and normally, this would make me sick to the point where i wouldn't be able to function. but i'm working on not letting my ocd tendencies get the better of me. things will work out. things will work out. things will work out.

haha. hahahahahaha.

huh? oh, sorry, this isn't a laughing matter i guess. okay, in all seriousness, i haven't completely failed at this resolution and i'm of course going to renew it. N. and i have talked about it, and if we have to do long-distance again for a while because i can't get a job in our neck of the woods (the bay area is terrible right now for lawyers), then that's what we'll have to do. it's nice to have the support system.

i've also been told by the firm that, though they can't hire me on as a fellow this year, if i were to apply next year i've got a better-than-most shot at the position. SO, i'm applying for several other fellowships (one taking place in both hawaii and new zealand, which seems ideal and frighteningly too good to be true. fingers crossed!), and i'm not above getting some random job to pay the bills. in a perfect world, i'd either get the fellowship from God, or i'd find a great ngo to work for that would stimulate both my mind and my bank account. we'll see.

resolution renewed.

Resolution 5):

be happy. this one ties in to the last one and is probably the biggest and most important of my resolutions. while i didn't have control over a lot of what happened in 2008, i did have control over my reactions to those things, and in the end, it's those reactions that paved the way for how the year would proceed. so my only conclusions can be that i made myself unhappy this year. i made 2008 difficult for myself. and i refuse to do that in 2009. whatever else happens, i want to approach my decisions, big or small, with the goal of being happy. should i take the bar? well, would it make me happy to do so? should i apply for this job? well, would i be happy if i was offered the job and accepted? it may sound selfish, and i'll try not to be, but i just feel like this is a much better approach, and a sort of middle ground, to how i usually go about doing things. we'll see how it turned out, i guess, on december 31st, 2009.

resolution success in full swing! i can't even explain how much things have changed between last semester and this one. i don't know if it's just the fact that i can see my graduation just ahead of me shining like a lighthouse in a really bad storm, or if i've just changed. maybe it's both?

i just notice that i'm happier now than i was six months ago. i no longer have that constant feeling of discontent. not everything feels out of control. and i know that most of it has to do with the fact that my grandfather's health has improved, and if i let myself think about it i realize that it won't always stay that way, but for now i'm just excited to be excited again. i don't think i'm usually such a difficult or depressing person, and being that way 24/7 was making me feel like a stranger in my own skin.

so i'm a success story here, and i'm definitely renewing this resolution!

rules for writing

a few days ago, the lovely moderators over at 20sw posted a link to this poster on twitter, and i thought it was so great that i'd post it here too.


i really should take the advice. i don't write everyday, at least not for fun, and my excuse has always been that i just can't think of something to say everyday that i think others would find interesting. i mean, i read some of my favorite blogs and just wonder how these people 1) find the time to write such interesting stuff, and 2) have the time to actually live/experience/think of such interesting stuff. and i keep saying that i'll write more once x is done, or once y is over, and it just never happens because i'm the type of person who will always fill up my time with things to do. it's just how i'm hard-wired. and i guess now i just need to recognize that writing needs to become one of those things i do, and one of those things i schedule in time for and neglect other things for.

i also need to start taking a notebook wherever i go. i have a writing notebook where i jot down all of the ideas i have, but it's a composition book and is sort of hefty, so unless i'm going to be taking a flight somewhere, it never goes with me. but i think about this suggestion and know it would seriously help me out. i tend to get all (if not just my best) ideas when i'm away from my computer, out of the house, on my commute, on long car drives, and it's never conducive to writing things down. i mean, i've had to write things down on napkins before, and that should tell me something.

and what i really need to do is keep beefing up my playlist. a few weeks ago i started an "inspiration" playlist. i noticed that not only am i getting my best ideas during those times where i'm away from my computer, but i'm also getting it when i'm listening to music. always. i don't think i've ever come up with an idea without music playing. so i began taking note of the songs i had repeating at those times when story lines were just...coming. and now i have a nice (albiet, tiny) "inspiration" playlist going on in my itunes. so now all i need to do is write down in my writing notebook the scenarios that play out in my head while i'm listening to that music, note down what song it is, put it in my playlist, and type up the scenario.

well, there you go. i'm inspired!

i will:

1. either downsize my current writing notebook so that it's more convenient to cart around
2. OR i will just stick with the current notebook and cart it around anyhow
3. begin listing down the songs i'm listening to that inspire me
4. begin jotting down in said notebook the scenarios that play out in my head when i'm listening to those songs
5. come up with a writing routine where i'm writing something every day

i think i've said this before (probably in my new years resolutions), and it hasn't worked out (along with a few other resolutions), so i guess we'll see how it goes.

20sw: care packages

another writing prompt from the creative bloggers over at 20sw! this was actually a lot more difficult than i thought it would be!

The Prompt:

For each of the following people, choose 1 book, 1 song, and a brief piece of advice to leave them. Explain why you chose the pieces that you did.

• 2 close friends
• 2 family members
• 2 fellow bloggers
• 2 ex-friends/significant others
• 2 younger people in your life (10 or more years younger than you)

close friends:

• N: you're in this category because you are my closest friend. you are my best friend. the song i'm including in your care package is the fray's "look after you", because this will be our first dance on our wedding night. i hear it, and i think of you. the book i'd like to give you is my "lord of the rings" trilogy, because you understand my need to re-read and re-watch things over and over, and you don't seem to mind sitting there while i do it. the one piece of advice i'd give you is this: you will never fully understand women. but that doesn't mean you should stop trying.
  
• L. over in colorado: because i miss you so much sometimes, i'm sending you israel kamakawiwa'ole's "white sandy beach of hawaii".  it makes me think of home, and when i think of hawaii, i think of you too.  hope you always know that a part of you always stays in hawaii with a part of the quints.  i'm not sure what sort of books you're reading these days, but i'm re-reading dan brown's "angels and demons" and am really enjoying it. since you're meandering your way through faith, i thought it would be a fun read for you too. and i think your fortune cookie will say: the physical distance between friends is really no distance at all.
  

family members:

• my younger sister: for you, i'll send the divinyls' "i touch myself". strange, i know. but i'm sending it because i'm worried that, with all of the difficult changes you're facing in your life right now, you're not remembering to have enough fun. and if nothing else, this song is fun! i'll also send you elizabeth gilbert's "eat, pray, love". i can't honestly say that i think you'll enjoy it, but i do think you can get something out of it. and my advice to you is this, little sister: we are only as happy as we make ourselves. if you're not happy in your own skin, don't be afraid to make the necessary changes until you are. take chances. that's what life is about.
  
• my oldest step sister: in your care package would go carrie underwood's "so small", because the message is something i think you could relate to better than most. in terms of a book, i would most likely include haunani-kay trasks "from a native daughter". this book changed the course of my life. it taught me how important the work i could do may be, and it also showed me that i can disagree with theories but still agree with principles. hopefully, it can do the same for you. the piece of advice i'd put in your fortune cookie would be this: the battles you've faced so far have only made you stronger. don't be afraid to be yourself in the future.
  

blogging friends: (okay, i'm kind of cheating here, since some of my closest friends also blog)

• B. over at isn't she pretty in pink: for you, i'd send bonnie tyler's "total eclipse of the heart", along with a little note requesting that you listen to it (loudly) while in your car at an intersection, and lip-sync it desperately to the person in next car over. in terms of a book (you know it's coming), i would give you my copy of "twilight", and make you sit down and actually read it! it'll take you like, 2 hours! and though you're usually the one giving me advice, let me just say: you do not have to stay on the path you chose 3 years ago. do what makes you happy.
  
• K. over at the artist in the ambulance: i can't send you many songs you don't already have and listen to regularly (particularly since you're the one usually sending me the songs that i listen to!), so i'm pulling something out from our hazy hana-bata days, and sending you nsync's "tearin' up my heart". while our music taste may not have been as undeniably awesome as it is now, i'm not sure i've ever had as much fun as i had with you and the girls during those days. instead of a book, i would send you an I.O.U. for the one i hope to write one day. you will get one of the first five copies, hands down. i'll even autograph it. and my sparkling words of wisdom: there is no rule saying where one should be in their life "by now". continue to live the way you choose, with happiness as your goal and friends by your side. things will happen when they should.
  

ex's:

• J. (the bff from the sixth grade): though i would never actually send you a care package, if i had to, i'd include mariah carey's "always be my baby", because it was part of the last good memory i think you and i had. i have no idea who you are now, and no idea what happened to cause that. but i no longer care either. we were kids, we're not anymore. the book i'd send you would probably be our slam books (which are in storage somewhere), because i definitely don't need them. and my advice is this: burning your bridges leaves you with less places to go.
  
• K. (although you don't really qualify as an ex, since we never really went out): i'm not sending you a song i think you'd like. i'm sending you back a song you thought i'd like, along with my memories of random nights listening to music in your car, being sympathetic as you bitched to me about the girlfriend you'd never leave (though you told me you would), and waiting for your phone call the next morning after i knew you went to see her. so you can have beyonce's "that's how you like it" back. it wasn't that good anyway. as for a book, i'd send you tucker max's "i hope they serve beer in hell", because though i may be mad on some level, we left each other on good terms, and i think you'd find it funny. my advice? don't marry her. you don't really want to.
  

young'ns:

• my 4 year-old nephew: in your care package, i would include brooke fraser's "seeds" as my song to you, because i love you, and i worry. the book i would send to you would be a book of hawaiian legends. though i know you'll get your fill of it one day, it's never too early to start. and my advice would be this: don't grow up too fast. you'll have your whole life to be mature and adult...live freely and have fun.
  
• my 10 month-old niece: for you, i'd send a fine frenzy's "lifesize", because for such a tiny girl, you are larger than life. this song is positive and sweet, and so many more of the things i hope your life will be one day. in your care package, i'd also put sophie kinsella's "confessions of a shopaholic", because i want you to know, early on, that books (and life) can be fun and silly, and it's completely okay to want that. just don't go into credit card debt! my advice (aside from the credit card debt thing) is this: don't follow in anyone's footsteps. make your own, regardless of what your well-meaning family may say.
  

family dynamics

families are so interesting and different. i mean, have you ever taken a step back and studied your family, or the families of those closer to you?

take me, for example.

for all intents and purposes, i have five parents. my mother, my father, my step-mother, and my maternal grandparents. my biological parents and my grandparents have worked together to raise me my whole life. when i was a teenager, my step-mother came into the picture. as uncommon as it is (and i get told how uncommon it is a lot), my parents are all very close. my mother and father divorced when i was a kid and, though it took them a while, they were somehow able to put aside their differences and become friends. my father has also maintained an extremely close relationship with my mothers parents. i can't count how many times he's stopped by their house on his lunch break to do something around the house for them that needed to be done. for a time, when we were really young and divorce was still this thing my sisters and i didn't understand, my dad still came camping with us. when my step-mother entered the picture, she and my mother made it their number one priority to get together and have a talk about how they would approach they're relationship. today, they're such close friends it's slightly funny (and it constantly unnerves my dad, which is even better). between the five of them, the tag-team parenting works like a well-oiled machine. my sisters and i never worry that things won't get done, or that we won't have someone to turn to in a time of need.

and just to throw it out there, i have six sisters. two of them (one older, one younger) are my biological sisters, and four of them are step sisters. they range from age 27 all the way down to age 6. i have a wonderful brother-in-law, whom i've known since i was 13, and a beautiful nephew and niece.

i also consider my mother's older sister, and her daughter, as members of my immediate family as well, since i've lived with them since i was a kid.

our family is loud and boisterous. we're always tripping or talking over the next person when we're at home. we're constantly in each other's business. and with a family full of women, the dynamic is hilarious. N. is in the process of learning the ins and outs of maneuvering a female-ruled environment from my grandfather. my nephew, the first boy in two generations, has become the prince of the family. and when someone needs something done, my mom, grandmother, step-mother and older sister never fail to work together to hold it down. we skype, we email, we call and we text. and it's impossible to keep a secret in a family like mine

but i realize that not all families are like mine, and i've recently been given a first hand view of another's family dynamics. it's an education to say the least.

i guess i just wrote this post because i'm feeling very lucky to have the family i have, for all of our flaws and extremities (which are undoubtedly legion). i never find myself complaining about them, or apologizing on their behalf to others. while we have our differences (again, it's a family full of women), there's never been a problem that couldn't be solved through laughing or yelling (haha).

so even though my family doesn't read this blog, let me just say: thanks.

because i haven't done a twilight post in a while

here are some bullets for ya:

• got the dvd last week. special features are all right, and seem better when you can kill flight time by watching them on the plane. i've also decided that the best scene in the movie is when they're playing iron & wine at the prom.
• watching the dvd made me want to read the book again. it was strange though, because it wasn't the same as the first or second time, you know? i guess i'm reading it for details now, rather than the story. and i can put it down this time, which is actually refreshing.
• i found a really fun new blog over at free and flawed. that in and of itself doesn't have anything to do with twilight, but she did write this really funny piece for guidespot.com on the books, entitled "why your girlfriend shouldn't read/see twilight" which you can find here.
• i was in washington this past weekend for M. and J.'s beautiful wedding in sequim. we drove to forks and la push for the hell of it. it rained, snowed, hailed, and cleared up in the hour and a half drive there, which is typical of washington and almost endearing at this point. forks, as we all know, is just your average, small logging town on the peninsula, though it does now have a very busy, thriving "dazzled by twilight" shop kept afloat by a constant influx of teenage girls in "team edward" shirts. there's also a tour you can take, complete in a black twilight tour bus, to see all the sites mentioned in the book. i did not take the tour, for those who are worried/wondering. but because i'm constantly looking for new ways of torturing N., i did consider it. what else is a girlfriend to do, after all?
  
• la push is absolutely beautiful, and it gave me the opportunity to see the sign announcing that travelers are now on the quileute res, thereby putting them on notice that they're under tribal law (i understand that this is only interesting to me, since i work in indian law, so don't feel bad if you're like, "what?").
• for those of you living under a rock, you should definitely check out some of the highpoints in rpatz' GQ shoot.
  
• my bff is currently busy working on her eclipse playlist. if i haven't made this clear already, she makes AWESOME playlists, mainly because she has the best taste in music of anyone i've ever met. she's already made a twilight playlist, and a new moon playlist. she's amazing. i'm going to go ahead and say that hers were better than the actual soundtrack, but i may be biased because i love her, and i love a lot of the bands she used.

and just for fun, here are a few pics from my pilgrimage:

the sign that everyone by now knows and loves, and the infamous bus. for just $30 a head, you too can sit on this bus and drive around forks, instead of just taking your own car even though it's impossible to get lost in forks!



this is the sign i was talking about. (and yes, jacob is supposedly quileute).

the beautiful la push. the res school is down near the beach, and i couldn't help thinking that i would never get any work done with this in my backyard.

these are a few of my favorite things

so for a "congratulations, i reached 100 posts!" post, i was planning on doing a list of 100 of my favorite things. but do you have any idea how hard it is to think of 100 of your favorite things? i mean, the list of 101 things about me was fairly fun and simple because i could include things on there of any topic. this endeavor, however, has gone from being fun and simple, to be a massive pain in my butt. and i can't keep not posting regular posts because i want this one to be my list. i actually have things to say nowadays!



SO, despite the fact that this is a complete fail on my part, i'm posting what i have now. and i had an idea. for those of you who know me, if/when you comment, maybe you could help me out by listing some of what you think of as my favorite things. N. actually helped me come up with about 30 of the items of my list anyhow, and it would be interesting to see what you think i love, knowing me so well and all.



so without further delay, i present to you the failboat that is:



70 of my favorite things!

1. Changing seasons

2. Dark red nail polish

3. U2’s “Joshua Tree” and “All That You Can’t Leave Behind” albums

4. Procrastinating, apparently

5. Nora Roberts romance novels

6. Snickers ice cream bars

7. Anything and everything in Anthropologie

8. Writing of all sorts

9. Redecorating

10. Planning the wedding I’ll have one day, though I’m not even engaged yet!

11. Big Sur, CA

12. The bffs I’ve had since Kamehameha

13. My Thursday lunches with B.

14. Getting email on my cell phone

15. This funny expression my dad makes when I stress him out

16. Seattle

17. Dangly earrings (particularly if they’re handcrafted, and have some turquoise in them)

18. Free People (both the brand and the concept)

19. Constantly expanding my iTunes library

20. Teen soap operas like Gossip Girl, One Tree Hill and The City

21. Getting my hair done (though I wish I didn’t have to pay so much for it)

22. Color-coding my daily planner

23. Going to baseball games for the beer and hot dogs

24. Seeing my young nephew develop his own distinct personality as he gets older

25. Guys with pets and trucks

26. Traveling

27. The cute purse my sister got me for my bday (from Anthropologie)

28. Van Morrison’s “I’ll Be Your Lover Too” and “Into the Mystic”

29. Friday date nights with N.

30. The fact that law school is almost over

31. Bumble & Bumble hairspray

32. Cedars, when it used to be the best Indian food in Seattle

33. All animals, except for snakes

34. Baz Lurhmann films

35. Iron & Wine

36. Books that come in series

37. Flea market shopping (and I hope to soon get into thrifting)

38. Ireland

39. The fact that my cat really does think she’s people

40. College sports events

41. Flying on Virgin America/Atlantic

42. The acoustic guitar and piano

43. Pacific Northwest Native American art

44. Paula Deen’s house

45. Accents (British, Southern, Irish, Australian)

46. “Expedition Alaska” (I made everyone I know watch it)

47. The playlists my bff K. makes

48. Casting the characters in my favorite books

49. Sushi boats

50. User-friendly airports

51. New Zealand

52. The University of Washington Huskies (go dawgs!)

53. Forbidden love stories

54. Twitter

55. Farmhouse sinks (I know, random right?)

56. Ikea

57. “John and Kate Plus 8” (Alexis is my favorite sextuplet)

58. Diet Coke

59. Macs, because they’re aesthetically pleasing

60. Long cardigans and skinny jeans

61. Blogging, both the writing and reading parts of it

62. Sarcastic humor

63. The “Lord of the Rings” trilogy, in all its many forms

64. Long, scenic car drives

65. Fruit or custard-filled donuts

66. Indigenous cultures

67. Barclay’s, the neighborhood pub

68. Bowl-like coffee mugs

69. Visiting places written about in books I’ve read

70. Blueberry yogurt