October 29, 2009

i'm going to write a novel

if you know me, or you've been reading my blog semi-consistently for a little while now, you know that a dream of mine is to write a novel.  i can't really remember the when or why of it, i just know that i've always wanted to do it, i've always wanted to write.

so obviously, my problem has never been the desire.  it's been the dedication, sadly enough.  every time i feel like i can and will sit down and write, i find an excuse not to.  or i do and i get sidetracked by the technical aspects of writing, and when a person gets bogged down by all of that grammar and editing and whatnot, it's really hard to maintain a workable level of inspiration.

SO, with all this in mind, and not without a certain amount of apprehension, i've signed up to participate in NaNoWriMo!  if you're unfamiliar with the national novel writing month program/challenge, here's how it goes:



National Novel Writing Month is a fun, seat-of-your-pants approach to novel writing. Participants begin writing November 1. The goal is to write a 175-page (50,000-word) novel by midnight, November 30.

Valuing enthusiasm and perseverance over painstaking craft, NaNoWriMo is a novel-writing program for everyone who has thought fleetingly about writing a novel but has been scared away by the time and effort involved.

Because of the limited writing window, the ONLY thing that matters in NaNoWriMo is output. It's all about quantity, not quality. The kamikaze approach forces you to lower your expectations, take risks, and write on the fly.

Make no mistake: You will be writing a lot of crap. And that's a good thing. By forcing yourself to write so intensely, you are giving yourself permission to make mistakes. To forgo the endless tweaking and editing and just create. To build without tearing down.

As you spend November writing, you can draw comfort from the fact that, all around the world, other National Novel Writing Month participants are going through the same joys and sorrows of producing the Great Frantic Novel. Wrimos meet throughout the month to offer encouragement, commiseration, and—when the thing is done—the kind of raucous celebrations that tend to frighten animals and small children.

In 2008, we had over 119,000 participants. More than 21,000 of them crossed the 50k finish line by the midnight deadline, entering into the annals of NaNoWriMo superstardom forever. They started the month as auto mechanics, out-of-work actors, and middle school English teachers. They walked away novelists.

So, to recap:
What: Writing one 50,000-word novel from scratch in a month's time.
Who: You! We can't do this unless we have some other people trying it as well. Let's write laughably awful yet lengthy prose together.
Why: The reasons are endless! To actively participate in one of our era's most enchanting art forms! To write without having to obsess over quality. To be able to make obscure references to passages from our novels at parties. To be able to mock real novelists who dawdle on and on, taking far longer than 30 days to produce their work.
When: You can sign up anytime to add your name to the roster and browse the forums. Writing begins November 1. To be added to the official list of winners, you must reach the 50,000-word mark by November 30 at midnight. Once your novel has been verified by our web-based team of robotic word counters, the partying begins.

have any of you done this before?  how did it go?  i have an idea in my head (the same idea i've had for about 2 years now and have failed to write), but i don't know if i should outline it before i go or what.  i'd love to hear your thoughts/experiences.  and if anyone else is participating, let me know and we can be writing/pep-talk blogging buddies!


wish me luck come Nov. 1st!



October 28, 2009

#13 on the Bucket List

check it off because...





i just got tickets to see U2!!!





life as art


i hope it makes you take a deep breath and relax.
song is "please don't go" by barcelona.

October 27, 2009

happiness and adventure

i'm not a very creative personality.  i'm not artsy, or musically-inclined.  i don't write poetry or dye my hair crazy colors.  i don't play instruments, or garden, or even know how to put make-up on very well.  my wardrobe tends to be made up of solids and denim, and my more obvious areas of interest are very stable, secure, subdued interests in general.

the only thing i seem to really have that's somewhat "off" about my otherwise hum-drum personality is this strong current of wanderlust i've got running through me.

but it didn't always used to be like this.

i used to write, a lot.  i wrote poetry and short stories and observations for every day of the week.  i played instruments, too.  piano, ukulele, clarinet, violin, flute.  and there was a definite phase in my life where i dyed my hair colors my mother would cringe at.  i even wore prints and patterns!

and i just don't know what happened to that girl.  because she seems so far from who i am now.  i talk about her, and it's like describing a curious relation that i remember wanting to be like once upon a time.  the me i am right now idealizes her to some extent, because she was carefree and ambitious in ways that i'm not anymore.  yes, she wanted security, but she embraced the not having it just yet.  she understood that it would all come one day, and she enjoyed the time she had to be a little wild because she knew somehow that those years were numbered.

did i just grow up?  is that what we all do?  do we all put away our childish things and have that be that?  relegate them to a few pages in our photo albums to talk about at class reunions and with people who just can't believe you got that piercing, or that tattoo?  i think i've been trying to do that.  maybe because that's what i felt you did when you became an adult, when you graduated from college.  or maybe because i genuinely wanted to put away my childish things. 

but i don't anymore.  because what's so bad with being a little childish?  with maintaining that sense of wonder and fun?  i'm at a point in my life where i feel like i went from one extreme to another, and now all i'm left with is this life devoid of all creativity and fulfillment.  and it's taken me this long to realize that i can't live like that.  it wasn't just being an attorney that i didn't want, it was the fact that i felt like being an attorney left me no room to be any of the other things i wanted.  on the other hand though, when i imagine just picking up and leaving the country to roam the world and earn money as i go, i get so anxious i want to throw up, so that's obviously not what i want either.

it's the balance of the two that i'm looking to strike.

so yes, i still want a real job.  i need that security and stability.  and money.  but i'd also like that job to allow me to do a certain number of things i feel i need in my life.  because i think i need that creative outlet, that sense of adventure.

is that too much to ask from life?  happiness and adventure?

i hope not.

October 20, 2009

am i being oversensitive?

i know it seems like i've been talking a lot of about hawaii lately, and it might be because i'm homesick (and strangely touchy), but i just couldn't not write about this.

a few months ago, i posted the trailer of what was then a movie tentatively called, "princess ka'iulani."  the movie depicts the life of one of hawaii's beloved figures, a young, beautiful, incredibly intelligent woman who lived through the overthrow of her house and her country before dying at the age of 23. 

my initial thoughts on the movie were that, though i didn't wholly appreciate the addition of a romance to a history in which that romance didn't exist, i understood the need to make it appeal to people who don't have a vested interest in hawaii.

however, what i can in no way, shape or form understand is the need to officially title the movie, "barbarian princess," in order to make that same audience better connect to the film.

does this look like a barbarian princess to anyone?



from what i've read, the producers didn't mean to be insulting (and are perhaps even a little surpised that the title is being taken as an insult?).  they simply wanted to point out the irony of the name, "barbarian princess," since that's what american tabloids were calling ka'iulani while she traveled to washington d.c. to lobby congress, and she was anything but.  one news story evens quotes someone as saying something as insensitive as, "it's only a title."

okay.

how about this: the next time some film comes out about slavery, a film like "roots," we name it something like "them niggers."  i mean, yes, of course african americans are nothing near what the connotation of that name implies, but after all, it's just a title.  and this way everyone will see the irony of it, right?  is that okay? 

no, it's definitely not okay.  because it's insulting, insensitive, racist, ignorant, and just plain stupid.

same goes here.

it just seems like common sense that this title would upset a lot of people.  and it does.  i'm obviously one of them.

it's nice to know how far we haven't come as a respectful society.

for more on the movie (which debuted this past weekened on ka'iulani's birthday and at the hawaii international film festival) and it's controversial name, see here.

October 16, 2009

friday feature: creative blogs of note

with all the free time i've had lately, i decided to work on little "projects" here and there around the house.  some involved remixing my wardrobe to find new outfits i never knew i could make.  others involved painting an emily bronte quote on canvas.  and still others involved redecorating our office, revamping our bedding, creating a make-shift headboard, and beginning the process of rearranging our living room.  i haven't even begun tackling the back yard yet.

N. is obviously not very thrilled since, though i can arrange furniture by drawing it on a sheet of paper, he's the muscle behind this operation.

however, in preparation for all these projects, i've been scouring the blogosphere for ideas on organization, design, thrifting, sewing, art, etc.  and in this friday feature, i wanted to just share some of the best of the best blogs i've found.  if you're ever in a crafty, diy mood, i suggest taking a look at some of these blogs for inspiration and, in some cases, lovely freebies or goodies for purchase through etsy.  jamie meares of i suwanee even offers her affordable and awesome looking interior design services, which i totally plan on taking advantage of once i have the ability to save funds.











are there any blogs you're obsessed with?  i'm always looking for good reads!

October 15, 2009

overqualified much?

i just went on my first interview this morning.  yes, i said first.  and it's definitely not the ideal position (it's administrative, and i was an administrative assistant for four years in college), but as you can tell by my previous posts, it's not like there are tons of job offers out there.

the thing is, i'm not sure how the interview went.  i'm usually really great at interviews, but this one was hard to read.  and it was a different sort of interview than i'm used to.  the interviews i've been on have usually been lunch dates, with people just sort of chatting and feeling you out, not a sit down and have three people ask you questions in a conference room.  i was prepared for it, but it still wasn't the most comfortable of situations.  i did not feel like i rocked this one.  i felt tongue-tied a lot, and i mentioned something that i wish i hadn't even though i was able to spin a bad experience into a lesson-learned sort of thing.

plus, (and i've actually been worried about this recently) i think that the interviews think i'm overqualified for the position.

which i am.

but i still need a job.

i mean, the organization's executive director kept asking me about how i was going to stay interested in the work if it was so administrative in nature and i was so used to much more intellectually challenging work.  his words, not mine.  and it's true, admin work gets really tedious and boring after a while.  but it's not like my interests are much less boring.  i generally do legal research, for crying out loud.  it's not really the high-strung, fast-paced creative environment it's touted as, let me tell you.  and besides, what am i supposed to do?  i'm overqualified for the jobs i could get, i'm underqualified for the jobs i couldn't get, and the jobs i want are non-existent.

that doesn't leave me with much.

it's just frustrating i guess.  one more reason to wish i had re-thought going to law school.

in light of this, i want to pose a question to you all:  should i take the J.D. off of my resume (as some have suggested)?  would you?  how would i explain the huge gap in my life if i did?  if you leave it on there, what's your best answer for being asked how you think you'll stay interested in a job you are obviously overqualified for (but need desperately)?

October 13, 2009

am i falling behind, or just insane?

i think it's because i've finally reached that age where friends of mine are settling down, but i've recently begun to feel like i'm falling behind in my own personal rat race.  it just seems to me that a lot of people my age are finding and beginning their careers, are planning weddings and getting married, are considering children (if they don't have them already, friends of mine in hawaii!), and probably most astounding of all, are buying homes.

i thought our economy was in the toilet?!

and it's not that i'm not happy for them.  i think it's more that i envy them their...security?  confidence?  direction?  because i'm no where near any of that.  i'm not even in the same ballpark, arena, city, state or country.  i might as well be off planet.  most of it's by choice (perhaps everything but the home-buying), yes, i take full responsibility for that.  but is something wrong with me for not wanting those things yet?

in my head i know that's a stupid question.  of course nothing's wrong with me.  if anything, i should consider myself smart for knowing that i'm not ready for marriage or children yet, right?  then maybe it's just the small town syndrome that's ingrained in me or something, because where i grew up i might as well be a spinster if i'm not [married and/or] having kids by the age of 25.  my mother had had three children by the time she was my age.  my sister was planning her second pregnancy.  when i log on to facebook, i see that so many of the people i went to high school with have kids already (not just one, plural).  and to some extent, it's not just me being crazy; my own mother has reminded me that i'd better not wait too long before i start my baby machine, my older sister keeps reminding me that i'm not getting any younger, and nor are her children, so i'd better hurry up and give them cousins, and even my grandfather has asked me why N. and i haven't gotten married yet.

because i'm not ready!  i'm sitting here, not having a single clue as to where my life is going, and you want me to get married, have kids, and take on a mortgage?  i don't even have a job!

and then there's the part of me that keeps thinking: are you really going to start a MA/PhD right now?  or not even now, in 2 years?  won't you be a little old for that?  won't you be like, 33 by the time you graduate, if you're lucky?  are you supposed to wait until that's over before you get married and have kids (i.e. grow up)?  and if you're honest with yourself, aren't you just spinning your wheels, trying a bunch of things out hoping that you hit the right one somewhere along the way?  do you think you have the luxury (read: money) to do that?  who are you, rockerfeller?

yes, i realize i sound insane.  i realize people do what i'm doing all the time, and people get married while they're in school, and people wait to have kids until a little later in life.  i guess this just sort of goes against my breeding or something.  i always thought i'd be a relatively young mother, that i'd be about 26 when i got married, and about 28 when i had my first kid, that i'd have a career by then and be sort of like super woman, doing it all spectacularly and making it look easy.  but i'm realizing now that, while the dream is nice, the component parts aren't what i want yet.  and i think it's just a little hard to let go of that dream and face this sort of crazy uncertainty that my life's become.

ulgh.  for the record, i totally didn't mean to bum anyone out.

October 12, 2009

whoring it up for halloween

can we just take a minute and discuss the fact that it is nearly impossible for a grown woman to get a decent halloween costume without hooching herself out? am i the only one who's noticed this? am i the only one who's realized that, if you're between the sizes of teen and man, you will probably wind up at your annual halloween party decked out in a bikini top, micro-mini and stilettos?

unless of course you want to show up as a lime wedge. or a bowling pin.

needless to say i'm getting a little frustrated with the whole thing. i don't want to be adventure annie, or a dirty martini, or a mile high flight captain. and i definitely don't want to be some idiot's idea of a seductive squaw indian princess either (and not just because it's not pc). i just want to find a costume that will make me look cute without making me look like a hooker. is that to much to ask?

and, to be fair, let me just say that i don't even dislike all sexy costumes. in fact, i really wish i could wear some of them. these, for example:






sexy finding nemo, sexy jem (which is AMAZING), sexy sherlock and sexy willy wonka. love 'em. would never wear 'em, but love 'em just the same. and i know halloween is supposed to (in our commercialized world) be this one night where you can do anything and everything and sort of not be held accountable for it (as far as your wardrobe goes), but come on people! no matter how awesome your precision sculpted bod may be (and mine is definitely not), there are just some things that modesty won't allow. or so i say right now.

BUT, then there are those costumes that, no matter if i were victoria's secrets' number one angel, i'd never wear short of being completely trashed and in a room full of blind people. case in point? princess leia in the slave outfit. also known as "every man's fantasy":


and it's a pity because N. is the biggest star wars nerd i know.

so it's not that i hate sexy costumes. obviously, i don't. obviously, it would be nice if i could wear them, because apparently, sexy costumes are the only ones a grown woman is going to find these days.

hence my frustration.

with all that said, i've been on a mission to find a good, cute, sexy-but-not-whorish costume. some ideas i've got for what i want to be include a ladybug, a bee or a flower since N. is once again going to don his fat, furry bee costume which made him such a hit last year, and has requested that i at least try to find something that matches. i'm not committed to any of them just yet, and have yet to even find a flower costume. but here's what i've found so far:


the ladybug is obviously a teen costume which i opted for instead of the ultra revealing adult ladybug costumes. the bumble bee is also super cute. neither of them are overly skanky, and i'd be comfortable hanging out in them for a night, i think.

and then there's wanda the wizard. i've wanted this harry potter knock off costume since last year so it's a pretty big contender, particularly if some friends of mine end up having the hogwarts halloween party they've been talking about. now, i know it looks like it could be somewhat of a scandalous pick, but like the ladybug and the bumble bee costumes, i'd definitely wear leggings under this one.

then, of course, there's the obligatory female death eater costume. i can't explain it, but i just couldn't get past the idea of being bellatrix lestrange for a night! again, this is a big possibility if the hogwarts party happens, maybe not so much if it doesn't.

the next two costumes are just here to give me a chance to wear a pretty dress and, quite possibly, my first ever wig. after all, you can't be a greek goddess or cleopatra without a wig, can you?

and finally, there is spongebob! i love it. there's nothing else to say, i love absolutely everything about this costume!

unfortunately, however, i also have to face the very real fact that i just don't have a lot of money right now, and costumes (for some God awful reason) are hideously expensive! SO, i have a back up plan! (really, did you think i wouldn't?). i don't have a picture or anything because it's sort of homemade, but it's pretty simple. i'm going to take one of my graduation gowns (probably the law school one since it has the cool velvet on the sleeves), raise the hemline a little, get myself a yellow graduation sash, put one of my tassles on the cap i saved, and voila! i'm a graduate! it isn't the most creative costume ever, but i still think it's pretty clever! and it's cheap!

finally, though i don't think he'll actually be partaking in the halloween festivities, and i definitely know he wouldn't appreciate it if he were, i couldn't help but look for a costume for our pooch. lo and behold, some of the world's cutest costumes ever:



notice the unhappy looks on their faces. but still, why would you not dress your dog up as a giraffe?!

so, do you have any idea what you're going to be for halloween? will it be store-bought or handmade? and would you mind if i copied you? :)

October 9, 2009

inaugural friday feature: U2

i'm trying something sort of different here.  each friday, i'm attempting to do a "friday feature" post.  i'll usually just pick something that's come to my attention (a book i'm reading, a newsworthy hollywood scandal that's gotten waaaay blown out of proportion, a movie that's so bad and so popular at the same time it defies logic, you get the picture) and go at it.  nothing spectacular, but something fairly new to change things up.

as my inaugural friday feature, i'm of course going to spotlight a band that is, in my humble opinion, one of the best bands ever: U2.



my first memory of U2 is more a memory of feeling that a moment of seeing or hearing.  i can't recall where i was, who i was with, or how old i was either.  i just remember very specifically the way i felt the first time i heard "with or without you".  it made me feel odd.  i know that sounds strange, but it's true.  i honestly don't think i'd ever had music make me feel something before, and it was so unfamiliar that it's hard to describe even now.  i think i thought it was making me sad, when it was actually just making me feel something.  i was honest to God uncomfortable listening to that song for a while afterward.  ever time it came on the radio i'd switch to a different station.

that's obviously changed now.

i was already a huge fan by the time U2 came out with "all that you can't leave behind."  when they did , i was getting ready to graduate from high school, leave home, leave hawaii, and head to college (taking only what i could leave behind.  winner!).  "walk on" was the soundtrack to my life at that point.

then, a year later, i found myself on a plane flying over the atlantic towards northern ireland, part of this fairy tale land i'd always dreamed of visiting.  i was going to be studying the not-so-fairy-tale-ish irish troubles, and so very appropriately put "sunday bloody sunday" on repeat the entire flight over.  when we got to derry, and i walked around the site looking at these huge political murals and trying to imagine that day, i had that song playing over and over in my head.

U2 stayed with me throughout the rest of college.  during my sophomore year, i started watch the tv show "one tree hill" because it's named after a U2 song.  then, during my junior year, i studied abroad in auckland, new zealand, and made a point to visit the actual one tree hill since that's what the song was named after.

more recently, i've been relying on "i still haven't found what i'm looking for" and "city of blinding lights' whenever i feel...stuck.  which has been a lot.  they make me think of paris, of new york, of big cities and possibilities.  they re-motivate me and re-excite me.

i've yet to see U2 in concert.  i've often told N. that if he ever wants to guarantee a "yes" when he proposes, he should buy me tickets to see them live and pop the question there, preferably during "all i want is you."  there would be no denying him.

then there's bono, who can't be ignored when you talk about U2 and your love (or hate) for them.  whatever you may think of him, of his arrogance, his foul language (not always used in the most diplomatic ways), or his talent, you can't ignore the fact that his philanthropic and humanitarian work count for something.  from amnesty benefit concerts, to the ONE campaign, to fashion lines, to product (red), he's done quite a bit and that's commendable.  i'm not saying he's Jesus or anything, and indeed, one of my favorite quotes about bono comes from B. over at Isn't She Pretty in Pink (who has an irrational animosity towards him ;)), who said something like, "if he wants to help africa so much, maybe he should stop buying himself dolce & gabbana sunglasses and put the money towards something useful!"  but i'm just saying that it's nice being a fan of a group who supports human rights as much as bono and U2 does.

i could go on forever.  i really could.  i love this band that much.

do you have a band/musician that you just feel like has been with you forever?  whose music you can trace big parts of your life to?  who seems to always have the right song for you to listen to at the right moment?  do you have a soundtrack to your life?

happy weekend!

October 7, 2009

photo finds

since yesterday's post was a little a lot on the negative side, i thought that for today i'd just do a pretty picture post.

i love browsing through my favorite blogs, Flickr, We Heart It, and other sites for post inspiration, random fun, and really beautiful photography, typography, graphic design and the like. this particular post idea came from seeing this great bob marley quote that Madebygirl posted on her own blog a few days ago. after seeing it, i went on a hunt for more via We Heart It and the "inspiration dailies" that Creature Comforts posts.

the result? my warm, fuzzy and sometimes odd picture post:




from top-left corner: 1) "untitled (let's get lost)" by shaun sundholm 2) "wishes" by chloe marisa 3) "little thing called hope" by justbesplended 4) "lumos" via We Heart It 5) "untitled" party dress pose via wasting 6) "untitled" pumpkins via We Heart It 7) "i raise my hands..." by matthew clark photography and designs 8) "untitled" globe via wasting 9) "untitled" shoulders by .lolli. 10) "untitled" leaf via lainemarie 11) "untitled" bridge by brooklyn photography 12) "untitled" eiffel tower via We Heart It

October 6, 2009

blogging etiquette fail

have you ever been offended by what someone else wrote in their personal blog?  i'm not talking about liberal v. republican arguments, or snide remarks about perhaps liking bad music.  i'm talking about being seriously offended, like being called a piece of trash offended.  how did you handle it?  did you respond to the post?  did you ignore it?  should we, as voluntary blog readers, even waste our energy being offended by another's post?  i mean, isn't everyone entitled to their own opinion (even if their opinion makes them sound like a tool)? isn't that the whole point of blogging?  to be able to express your opinions openly and publicly?

but if that is the whole point -- that you can express close-minded, possibly racist and definitely classist opinions to God and country through your blog -- then doesn't the act of blogging necessarily welcome otherwise unsolicited responses?  should we, as bloggers, allow commentary from those we offend?  or should we, as blog readers, just click the "back" button on our web browsers and try to forget that this ignorant jerk (and their blog) even exist?  does your response change when dealing with a personal blog v. a more editorial/business oriented blog?

this all came about the other night while i was browsing through twenty-something bloggers, searching for bloggers in hawaii.  during my search, i came across a nearly-defunct blog written by a girl who isn't from hawaii, but lived there with her boyfriend back in 2008.  it was an interesting blog to begin with (i.e. very personal, to the point where i almost felt like i shouldn't be reading anymore because i didn't actually know this girl, and i'm not sure she'd want perfect strangers reading these things about her), so i hit the tag for "hawaii" to see if she mentioned anything about the islands in any of her posts.

oh, did she ever.

now, there have been several other times in my life when i've read something (usually about hawaii and/or hawaiians, and sometimes published as fact) that i felt was uninformed and insulting, and i've chosen to respond to those authors accordingly.  but i just couldn't do it this time.  i was so mad.  i'm generally not a very confrontational person, but i know that if i had commented on her post it most definitely would have been confrontational, just as insulting, and probably as close-minded about her as she is about hawaii (and, by default, me).

but i'm still left wondering 1) if i have any sort of "right" to be upset about a post some girl wrote on her blog more than a year ago which i read voluntarily, 2) if it's okay to write a response to her post on my blog that i don't really ever anticipate her reading, and 3) if this is just my induction into the the nature of blogging itself, much of which is made up of anonymous and passive-aggressive encounters.  i would love to know if any of you have had similar experiences, or just have insights into proper blogging etiquette.

also, because i didn't write a comment to her post, and i still had so much to say about it, i'm including it here.  if interested, you'll find a link to her original post as well as my initial uncensored and unsolicited response after the jump.

my unsent response to this open letter to the people of oahu:

i mean, it's one thing to be upset about something that may have happened (like having a car nearly run into hers) caused by a specific person at a specific time, and i can get behind a ranting post just as much as the next person.  but it's a completely separate thing to start an angry tirade against an entire island which not only mocks the locals that live there, but also shows a complete lack of understanding and compassion for a community she obviously knows nothing about.

because you know what?  yeah, people living with their entire extended families may not be okay with you, and it may show a lack of ambition in your opinion, but for a lot of the low income families in hawaii (i.e. local families, aka families like mine), that just so happens to be the only option we've got.  and it's also a cultural thing, which you would know if you ever considered learning a thing or two about the history of the place you're living in.

and you know what else?  i'm sorry, but it's pretty damn hard for people to keep their apartments (better known as the projects) looking like the sunshine-and-roses 'burbs you may have grown up in when they've got kids to feed, two full time minimum wage jobs to work that barely cover the rent and groceries, and the area they were lucky enough to find affordable housing in is already overridden by crime caused by unemployment, drug addiction, and skyrocketing cost of living rates which aren't helped by all the wealthy folk moving to hawaii, buying up property in the nice areas, and raising all the property taxes without giving a thought to the effect that's having on a people that have been there for hundreds of years and that have been made second-class citizens in their own homeland by ignorance like this.

oh, and p.s. regardless of the fact that i have family in the army and airforce, even i can't deny that the military is blamed for ruining a lot of hawaii because they illegally overthrew our government, they ruined one of the most beautiful bays we have and turned it into the disaster that is now pearl harbor, and they used an entire island for target practice.  and they continue to use whole mountain ranges for the same thing, meaning their big ass trucks get a free pass to trample all over indigenous plants and wildlife, tearing up land that -- in a place like hawaii -- was probably sacred once but is now littered with shells and unexploded munitions among other things.   look it up, there's about ten years worth of government reports and court cases on the topic of military pollution in hawaii. 

and first you want to say that if the military weren't in hawaii it should just be turned into a landfill for all the trash, and then say that locals can stay because we'd fit in so nicely?!

go home.

October 5, 2009

the road less traveled

if measured against the lives of many others i knew growing up in my small town, my life would be considered anything but ordinary.  anything but run of the mill and typical.  anything but expected.  that's how i've always wanted to live my life.  i've always wanted to do great things, adventurous things, meaningful things.  things that seem so far away from the girl i was growing up.

so it's no surprise that, when faced with this huge gaping hole in my future plans, i've come back around to that truth: i want to do great, adventurous, meaningful things.  i have some ideas about where to go with this.  nothing set in stone and even less rationally thought out.  but a starting point none-the-less.

i want to go back to school.  i know it's hard to believe since i just came out of three of the worst academic years of my life but, if nothing else, law school helped me to finally realize where i think i've been headed all along.  in light of that, i've been looking at pursuing an advanced degree in either anthropology or ethnic studies.  if i go the anthropology route i'll have to take the GRE's and eventually apply for the PhD program separately.  if i go the ethnic studies route, i won't have to take the GRE's and can go straight into an MA/PhD combined program.  in either case, i'm hoping to apply for admission in the fall of 2011.

both of these programs are as close an area of study as i'm going to find to my undergraduate major (which in a weird way combined them and is really what i'm qualified for), and both will allow me to continue learning about and researching indigenous cultures.  isn't that what i've been working toward all this time?  isn't that what i tried to transform my law school study into?  isn't that what i think of when i think of "what i would have done if i'd never gone to law school"?  yes, to all of the above.  now, do i know where having a PhD will lead me?  no.  it could be teaching, it could be working for a private organization, a museum, a library, or an ngo.  i don't know.

but i do know that i want to do it.  i just need a little time before getting started.

you see, i'm one of those people who never took time off.  i always felt that, if i did, i'd never go back to school.  so i'm hoping to take somewhat of a "gap year" now.  and i have some ideas on how to fill my time:
  • [first and foremost] work for a little while so that i can save some money to do it all.
  • a girl i know (who i've often sadly thought is living the life i've always wanted) did a summer program in which she was hired to be a group leader for a tour company that took a handful of high school students on international cultural adventure trips.  her particular trip was to australia, new zealand and fiji.  this sounds like something i'd love to do, and i've looked up the company and the application process.  i'll be applying to be a group leader next summer.
  • when i was a little girl, i was so sure i was going to be an archaeologist one day.  it was all i thought about: digging through the dirt for old artifacts, bones and lost cities.  i obviously haven't gone that route, but that doesn't mean i can't find out what could have been.  there are a bunch of different programs through which people can volunteer to work for a couple of weeks on an archaeological dig in places like israel, turkey, jordan, italy, greece, scotland, etc.  there's usually a fee for volunteering, so i'll need to save some money first, but this is also on the list.
  • i want to teach english abroad.  in particular, i've been looking at programs which place you in the northern territories in australia.
and when i'm in school again there are a few things i'd like to do as well.  i'll have to see what kind of schedule the particular program i'm applying for has and if they'd allow me to do them, but here they are just in case:
  • apply for an internship with the UN's permanent forum on indigenous issues, based in new york city.
  • apply for an internship with the unrepresented nations and peoples organization, based at the hague.
  • possibly study abroad in new zealand, australia, and hawaii.  if it seems like new zealand and australia are mentioned a lot, it's because i have a particular interest in researching indigenous issues there (which i am hoping to work into a dissertation topic i've got swimming around in my head).
and in between/during/after all this, i'd like to find some time (like now) to volunteer or intern in other areas i'm interested in:
  • with amnesty international
  • with oxfam
  • with americorps
  • with a tribal organization
  • with a publishing house
  • with a magazine
this all may seem really rash to you, but it's honestly not.  being the anally organized person i am, i have a huge binder with print outs and brochures and informational packets on programs and organizations, i've emailed both the academic programs i'm considering applying for as well as the diversity office for graduate student admissions (even though it's 2 years away), and N. and i have already begun discussing it all.  i'm preparing.  i'm even thinking of making spreadsheets.

i feel very rory gilmore-ish right now.

but in all seriousness, what it came down to was this:
  1. i wasn't happy with the path my life was on.  
  2. so i wrote a list of the things i want to do. 
  3. this is me starting to do them.
simple as that.

October 4, 2009

couch potato

i have a confession to make.

i like bad tv. i really, really do. and i'm totally unashamed of that fact. i like shows that many people adults would never [admittedly] watch, and which many teenage girls would never miss. it's the same for books, actually. in fact, after a conversation in which i laid this reality out to her, one of N's closest friends said, and i quote, "kahea, you are one of the stupidest smart girls i know."

if we both weren't drunk, and if i didn't know what she meant by that statement, i'd have punched her.

but i did know what she meant, because i realize that i have very shallow, base-level standards for what i consider entertainment to be. and that's it really: it doesn't need to be good, it just needs to be entertaining. i'm not watching prime-time tv to learn something. i go to school for that. i'm watching it so that i can take my mind off of the important things for an hour or two.

so with that said, i present you with my initial tv series reviews (out of 5 stars) for this season!

one tree hill (season 7)
airs: mondays @ 8pm
3 1/2 stars

if i'm honest with myself, the reason this season is getting a low 3 1/2 stars is because the characters of peyton and lucas are gone AND their absence hasn't even been explained! it's driving me nuts! plus, i feel like things are sort of floundering right now, with story lines not really going places at the moment (except for maybe nate and haley's). i do, however, like the additions they made to the cast, though i wish those character developments would happen already. but GOD the music is still so good!

gossip girl (season 3)
airs: mondays @ 9pm
2 stars

am i being harsh with the 2 stars? i don't think so. this season has been, and i'm sorry but it has, BORING. who cares about serena's dad (or any of her other problems for that matter)? and where did blair's backbone go (DO something already!)? will nate ever get a story line in which he's not a man-whore? does vanessa have to be so annoying? and where the heck is little j?! at this rate i'm not sure this show will survive the college shift. at least not for me. :(

glee (season 1)
airs: wednesdays @ 9pm
5 stars

in answer to your question: yes, it's as good as everyone is saying it is. it's probably better, actually. the script is clever, the story is something that keeps you coming back, and the singing. well, that's just amazing. so if you haven't yet, i would suggest you go online and watch all the episodes before next week, and then jump headfirst onto the bandwagon. maybe even hop onto iTunes and purchase all the songs from the show. because it really is the cast singing, and they are great.

eastwick (season 1)
airs: wednesdays @ 10pm
3.75 stars

is this show really a nearly-4 star? probably not. but you need to understand something about me: this is right up my alley. i love these kinds of story lines. you've got a small town and three witches? i'm there. the writing is fun, the women aren't annoying, and there's a nice mystery unraveling. what's not to like? note, however, that i haven't read the book [yet].

the vampire diaries (season 1)
airs: thursdays @ 8pm
4 stars

i'll admit i was worried. you think twilight was personal? this was personal. (e.g. i wanted to name my future daughter elena for most of my young life because of this series). but as it turns out, i happily don't remember just enough of the books that i'm not seriously offended on some deep, elemental level by each episode. plus, i mean, have you seen the guys they've got playing stefan and damon? and the story's okay too. i'm always worried what damon will do, and stefan's got that dark, broody vampire thing down. elena's not annoying (which clearly is how i judge whether shows are good or not...), and i don't hate her (as i think i did at one point in the books). i wish bonnie's story would develop quicker, but whatever. oh, and the cw has another total win on the music front.

and because i love it as well, i'll post my rating/review of "legend of the seeker" when the second season premiere's on nov. 7th. but for now, go watch some bad tv!

October 2, 2009

fall for me

it's october, and this means that it has officially become my favorite season of the year! i know, i know, strange because i'm from the land of eternal sunshine and i'm currently living in california, but whatever. i love the fall and everything about it!

so in honor of this most festive feeling i've got going on, i thought i'd try my hand at a polyvore collage. i see a lot of the writers on my favorite blogs using polyvore for fashion and interior design, and i thought i'd just cheat a little and use it for my own devious ends. kidding, kidding. nothing devious about it, just wanted to share with you why fall is as great as it is!



clockwise from top-left:
  1. the leaves are changing color, which has to be one of nature's most beautiful things. also, fall colors just happen to be my favorites! burgundy's and golds and rusts and forest greens and browns...love 'em!
  2. it's time for cold weather clothes! great peacoats and cute hats are back and i get to cozy up inside them. this coat can be found at alloy.com.
  3. i'm obsessed with this sweater and have been for more than a year. it's almost cheap enough, but not quite. i can't get over those buckles... this came from victoria's secret.
  4. we all know i can't resist a good cardigan, right? and the stripes? and the ruffles? looks so...collegiate! lovely cardi is from alloy.com.
  5. so i know i'm about six years late, but i finally got suckered into adoring uggs. i'm not really liking the purple, but the rest would look great with a pair of skinnies. luckily, my older sis had a pair of knock-offs that she never wears (she lives in hawaii) so she sent them to me! these classically short uggs can also be found at victoria's secret.
  6. how soft does this cashmere scarf look? brown. cashmere. scarf. need i say more? get it at abercrombie.
  7. if you don't think of pies when you think of the fall, i don't know what happened to destroy you in your childhood. and i'm not even much of a baker.
  8. halloween! thanksgiving and halloween are my two favorite holidays, and these little wicked cupcakes are about as cute as they come. you can learn to make them (and a whole lot of other holiday goodies) at foodnetwork.com.
  9. the weather gets cold and the food gets hot. cooking and eating soups and stews are one of the best parts of fall. especially when you've got some friends over, some games and/or movies to watch, some PIES for dessert!, and it's windy and rainy outside. my favorite beef stew recipe can be found here. i suggest you make it on the first cold day of your year (though watch out, it needs to marinate overnight!). it's awesome. i promise.
  10. these next two pictures are not up here because i love jennifer aniston or because i've even seen her movie, "love happens." (though i may because it's set in SEATTLE!). i just adore these beanies. she has one in almost every color according to the previews. and they're cashmere (or so i've discovered through research). they're also hideously expensive, but are apparently The item to have this season.
  11. finally, last but definitely not least is the return of starbuck's wonderful pumpkin spice latte's! you know how certain things, everyday ordinary things, can be triggers for very specific memories? well, pumpkin spice latte's trigger the memory of me and my friends walking from our apartment down to starbucks during college to get these drinks, totally decked out in our coats, boots, scarves and gloves, with cold air on our faces and fog moving in and out of bare tree branches. these drinks will always make me think of college, of seattle, and of the fall.
HAPPY OCTOBER, EVERYONE!