A Recap

To say that the past month has been a blessing and a struggle all wrapped into a few weeks would probably be the understatement of my life.  As the bff Kaimi said in the midst of it all: "That's a lot of shit happening in not a  lot of time."  And as I said to everyone else: "When it rains, it fucking pours."

So here's the recap:

• Week 1: One Tuesday night at around 9pm, Nate and I are sort of sitting around doing nothing when I notice that my dog's leg is bleeding.  I look closer and there's a growth on his leg that he's started to chew at (I know, gross, right?).  Given the track record we have with growths on dogs legs -- and the fact that Nate's last dog died because of one -- we immediately rush Finn to the emergency pet hospital.  We're there until about midnight when Finn is released.  They've taken care of the bleeding but tell us to check in with our regular vet about the growth as it could be cancerous.  Awesome.  Also, Finn was up all night long whining in pain and bumping his e-collar around the bedroom.  No sleep.
• Week 2: On Wednesday I quit my job.  On Thursday I started my new internship.
• Week 3: On Monday we take Finn into our vet and they operate on his leg.  The tumor is removed but because of the amount of blood vessels attached to it, the vet's worried that it is in fact cancerous.  I considered hysteria at this point.  We wait all week for test results that don't come.  And then on Friday I get a phone call from my mother at 8:30am.  My grandfather -- the cornerstone of my family and one of the loves of my life -- has passed away.  Cue hysteria now.
• Week 4: I'm in shock.  And when I'm not in shock, I'm a wreck.  With the help of Nate I scrape up enough money to buy a plane ticket home for the services over the weekend.  The Thursday before I leave, I'm at my internship when Nate calls.  Unexpected phone calls have begun to make me hyperventilate but I answer it anyway.  Our house was broken into.  Again.  I leave for my grandfather's funeral on Friday.  Saturday is the worst day of my life.
• Week 5: We find out Finn's tumor is not cancerous.

The thing I have to say about this time in my life is that it's amazing what we think we're too weak to handle, and then the amount to which we can surprise ourselves.  Had all of this occurred six months ago, things would be different.  I was in such a different place in my life and in my mind that I'm not sure how I would have coped, if I would have let others support me as much as they have, if I would have relied on my faith as much as I have been.

It's made me a firm believer that things happen the way they're supposed to happen, even if we can't understand that while we're standing in the midst of a crisis.  And that we are not presented with anything we can't handle.

At this point, I think I could handle it all.  Blindfolded.

In Loving Memory

Papa 
(February 26, 1926 - June 10, 2011)
There are no words to express how much I love you and miss you.  Thank you for everything.