summer update!

i guess i haven't really taken the time to write down my thoughts about the job i'm currently interning at this summer. well...i'll just do that right now, while i'm taking a short break from said internship.

so for the first half of this summer, i'm working at a small law firm in berkeley which represents native american tribes exclusively. i have to say right off the bat that i love this job. it was the perfect choice for me. i mean, the office is close to home, it's really casual (i can wear jeans and slippers, if i want to, though i usually don't), everyone is really nice, they bring their dogs in to work sometimes, they work in the very specialized field that is one of the few parts of law that actually interests me, the hours are flexible (though i'm usually here from 9-6 daily anyway), and it pays. so all in all, it's been fantastic.

i obviously can't talk about the cases i've worked on, but a majority of them have had something or other to do with environmental law, which i love as well. it's surprising how, in practicing tribal law, you gain this cursory knowledge of all other types of laws (i.e. environmental, tax, criminal, constitution drafting, statutory interpretation, etc.). and in a few of the projects (on in particular, see last post), i've gotten really interested and will definitely keep tabs once the internship is over.

so my days usually start around 9-ish. i get to the office and pretty much just jump right in. i'll spend most of my days researching whatever project one of the attorney's has given me, then i'll generally draft up a memo for them to let them know what i've found in my research. as you can imagine, knowing me, the handing in of these memo's tends to be really nerve-wracking each time i do it.

i think i'm probably learned more in these short few weeks than i have in the two years i've been in law school, but i guess that's to be expected. and it's not just the legal stuff either (i.e. what pro se or in pro per means, what a general stream adjudication is, just how important legislative history is since Congress has decided to be perpetually vague, etc.). i think i've learned a lot, particularly in regards to how i operate in a work environment, my strengths and weaknesses, and where i want to be in my future.

for example, i should be a little more confident in my work. generally (and i stress, generally), i tend to do good work. my memo's tend to be thorough and well written, and i'm an average to good researcher. but i need to work more quickly. i feel like i'm producing the work, but i'm doing in rather slowly. and while my researching skills tend to go in my favor, i get really anxious when i can't find the things the attorneys need me to find in the time they need me to find it in, even though we all know its out there and accessible. and then, of course, there's be one or two times when i've turned in a memo and the work i did just wasn't what the attorneys wanted/needed. and they're really nice so they'll tell me in the best way possible that i interpreted the question they gave me slightly different from the one they needed me to answer (this one happened this morning, in regards to this case on water rights - which i admit is really complicated and i know nothing about, but still), or that i didn't find support for the answer, which was an extremely reasonable one, that our client needed so my memo was sort of useless(which happened last week and involved a statute that has so many vague provisions and so little caselaw that i was going crazy just to come up with any arguments at all). but i beat myself up over those times because i really want to do well here and make a good impression (especially because i'm applying for a fellowship here after graduation).

and i get it that i just started and i can't expect to know everything and find everything when i've never practiced law before...but i don't like not being good at what i set out to do. in fact, i hate it. i want to be perfect at this now. i want these people to be like, "wow, she's great!" you know? it's stupid, and i know it's impossible, but when i'm not perfect, or when i'm not producing everything these attorneys need me to produce, i feel incompetent. i can't stand being incompetent. this is a learning experience, yes, but this is also a job. i need to do well at it.

i don't know. i think i've just be feeling like, because of the short time i'm going to be working here (only 2 more weeks!), there's no coming back from doing bad work. there's no time to make up for it and prove that i really am capable and smart or whatever.

and yes, i also realize that i'm paranoid. none of the attorney's have given me the impression that i'm any different than any other summer associate they've ever had. but i'm a worrier. as N. said, i get nervous about everything.

that's why i've listed these things under the "weaknesses" category. i need to work on them. i know.

but all of this has also really made me think about my future as an attorney. do i really want to be an attorney? i think i do...right now. but i know that i don't see myself being one 10 years down the road. am i just wasting my time then? but i can't think of any other job that i would want to do besides what i'm doing. and i'm so close to getting my j.d...it would be stupid to stop now. and again, what would i do with myself??? *sigh* i hate being an adult.

ANYWAY, that's me in a nutshell right now. i'm going home next weekend (just for the weekend) to watch L. get married, and to [hopefully] meet my new niece. then i'm coming back to work to finish out the week, and then i'm officially off for summer! i've finally accepted that i need the break. i'm at the burn-out stage, i can feel it. so i'm taking july and most of august off, heading to ireland for 10 days, and just relaxing. sounds like heaven...

what i want to do with my free time:

join a gym. take yoga. do more hiking. go bike riding. read lots and lots of trashy romance novels. write something...finally. rearrange/redecorate my room. buy new book shelves. visit A. (providing i have the money to do so). hang out with boyfriend and friends more. revamp the JLSC office at school. make some headway on the article i'm writing with prof. K. get a dog (not going to happen). go apartment hunting (probably not going to happen). learn to drive on the freeway (will have to drag myself bodily out of the house to do this). bake more. cook more. take pictures. go camping at yosemite. go to lake tahoe. so much more.....