party like it's 1999

a few weeks ago, N. and i threw a decades party to celebrate our birthdays, having some friends in town, and life in general.  here are a few of the highlights:

there just doesn't seem to be anything quite like friends!

if only...

i've been feeling a little disenchanted lately with a lot of things in my life, but mainly with my job and the quality of my free time.  without making this a post about the frustrations of work (because, don't worry, that post will come soon), suffice it to say that i wake up in the mornings dreading going, and i come home relieved to be back.  sunday nights are the worst nights of the week, and fridays can never get here soon enough.  i think i feel like i'm once again spending my time doing something i don't want to do, and as hard as i try, i just can't find a reasonable solution (the obvious one, to me, is not reasonable either in this economy, or in my current situation).  so i feel a little stuck.

because the work week has been so hard to plow through lately, i've been trying to fill my free time with fun activities that won't break my budget and is something N. and i can do together.  let's have a party at our place on saturday, lets redecorate our bathroom, we should go thrift store hunting, lets spend a night vegging out and have a movie marathon, lets take finn on a hike, my list literally goes on for days.  unfortunately, the excitement of these activities is short-lived, and i always end the weekend feeling more exhausted than when it began.  coupled with that is the fact that N. and i haven't spent time together - quality, relaxing, just the two of us, time - in a while, and our schedules on most day don't exactly mesh.  so i feel a little stuck, again.

with all of this, and just with the general feeling of being in a lull that i can't break out of, i've been wanting to plan a nice weekend getaway for the two of us.  now, i love the city.  i do, really.  but i desperately, desperately need to get out of it.  nothing about the city rejuvenates me.  in fact, for the most part, being in cities tends to stress me out more.  i always feel like i need or want to be on the go all the time, and i'm constantly overstimulated.  no, cities don't relax me.  i want views and open spaces, green earth, blue sky, quiet instead of traffic, mountains, ocean, fresh air, and time to just turn my mind off.  but, even with all of northern california's beauty, i can't figure out where to find this.  the reason for this is largely cost and time prohibitions.

i want to get far enough away, but i don't want to have to take a flight.

i don't want to camp, but i want the accommodations to be affordable.

i don't want to go somewhere i've already been, but i've been to most places within driving distance of home.

i realize i'm being a little ridiculous and more than a little picky, but it's at times like these when i find myself playing the "if only" game.  if only i had more money, we could do more things.  if only i were still in school, i'd have large enough breaks where i could plan longer trips more frequently.  (yes, i realize the first and second "if only's" seem sort of mutually exclusive)  if only we still lived in seattle, i could think of places to take a weekend getaway.  if only, if only, if only.

it's enough to drive yourself crazy.

what do you do when you get mentally stuck in these situations?  do you take trips, spend some time alone?  how do you get yourself out of the "same old, rut"?  any suggestions for a quick weekend trip around the bay area?

i haven't done preachy in a while

**please note that my arguments below on gentrification are neither complete, or intended to be (i'm not writing the counter arguments made, or taking the thousands of available variables into consideration, etc.).  that argument would take up many volumes of many books i am neither willing nor qualified to write at this time.  i'm just relaying a conversation and some of the jumbled thoughts in my head.  no hate mail, please.**

wow, i've never actually felt the need to write a disclaimer before.  surreal.  

anyhow.  i don't pride myself on a lot of things.  writing, maybe.  my stubbornness, definitely.  but my arguing abilities have been something i've worked on over the past three years and, for the most part, i've always felt that they were one of my more developed skills.  i've learned to argue logic, not emotion.  i've learned to keep calm and to always, above all else, think of the counter arguments first and last.  this, after all, is what a good lawyer does.

so arguing, when i know my subject matter, is never something i thought i had to worry about.

and then i had a debate with friends about gentrification.

for those who are unaware, the merriam-webster dictionary defines gentrification as "the process of renewal and rebuilding accompanying the influx of middle-class or affluent people into deteriorating areas that often displaces poorer residents."  this displacement occurs because 1) these renovated buildings in traditionally low-income neighborhoods are sold or rented at prices too high for the existing community to afford, and 2) the presence of these newer, pricier spaces, as well as the influx of the middle- to upper-class population that comes with it, increases the overall property tax of the area, making it difficult (or, in many cases, impossible) for the existing community to remain in that neighborhood.

coupled with this already tragic reality is the fact that, in this country, economic lines still break and racial lines, so the traditionally low-income families, homeowners and community members who are displaced by gentrification are typically people of color.

now, what came out of this conversation as a whole is that there's no easy answer to this issue.  from the perspective of a commercial or residential property developer, this sort of work is really your bread and butter.  it is definitely most profitable to purchase property at an extremely low cost, flip it, and sell/rent it at a much higher price.  and as the purchaser of one of those flipped properties, gentrification of the surrounding area is often times good news because this displacement process nearly ensures that this previously low-income and probably unsafe area will see huge growth in the years to come.  the benefits to businesses, consumers, etc. go on because, yes, gentrification does tend to make a neighborhood "safer," and therefore increase the number of business owners willing to move into an area which, along with a new type of resident, will in turn increase the amount of security present in that neighborhood.

but the point of it all is that the area is not made safer for those already living there.  after all, the families who have lived in the area for generations were forced to move when their property taxes were raised.  gentrification essentially chases away the poor (aka, "the dangerous," "the problem," and the people of color) to make room for the affluent.  what was once a community made up primarily of people of color has not only changed economically, but racially as well.  and those people are forced to move elsewhere to areas where - you've guessed it - are poorer and more affordable still.

now, in my day to day life, i rarely have to explain this concept, or argue on behalf of the displaced.  ever since i fell into my undergraduate major, most of the people i've been surrounded with have either been a part of my major (meaning they've critically studied privilege, race and identity as part of their academic careers), have been ethnic studies scholars, or have been other people of color themselves.  furthermore, living where i live right now, gentrification and its implications are ever-present and disheartening.

but i found myself having to explain/defend my point in this debate with friends.  and i also quickly found myself losing control of all previous argument skills i thought i had.  i could no longer separate logic from emotion.  i could not longer not take things personally.  i heard too much behind the words of friends, too many biases, too much of what i considered - at the time - to be unintended racism or disappointing ignorance of privilege and a lack of compassion.  and that's just not me, and it's definitely not them either.

so while the conversation wasn't easy, i'm glad i was a part of it.  because i learned more about myself than i had known before it.  i learned the value of taking a deep breath, and maintaining my composure when i otherwise wouldn't.  i learned that while i could firmly believe i was on the side of the morally and ethically right, it didn't give me free reign to read more into the words of others than what they really meant.  i learned to listen, and to speak so that i'm heard.

and that's sort an invaluable lesson in and of itself.

****************************************************************
if you're interested in an example of a development project which manages to be profitable (though perhaps not as profitable) and socially conscious at the same time, a model which will hopefully catch on around the country, check out the asian community development corporation's project in boston, ma.

communities are not just groupings of buildings.  they're homes and lives and people.  it just can't be right to push people out of their neighborhoods for the sake of a profit, and i feel like that would be apparent if we all just put ourselves in one another's shoes every once in a while.

project reconnect

it's no secret that, after graduating from law school, i decided not to become a lawyer and have since begun figuring out a life more satisfying on a road i didn't anticipate traveling.  it's also no secret that i've been trying to get my finances in order lately so that i can dig myself out of this debt pit that i've so successfully put myself in over the last few years.  these moves have all been part of a sort of personal project reconnect, in which i try to make myself a better, more well rounded me.

today i took the next step toward this goal and began exercising for the first time in too many months to count.  it wasn't easy either; i really did have to force myself not to call M. and cancel the gym outing she somehow (and i'm still not clear on how or when this happened) got me to agree to take part in.  you see, i hate exercise.  i always have.  i can pinpoint the start of these feelings to either my childhood, when i was the chubby kid who couldn't run very far, very fast, or for very long, or to my high school PE program, which has a reputation of being one of the most rigorous PE programs in the country.  so it really should come as no surprise that it's been a challenge for me to stay committed to an exercise program for more than a week or two. 

but i've got a feeling about it this time.

with all of these changes i've been making in my life lately (spending less, saving more, kicking my diet coke habit addiction, taking vitamins, eating steady meals), i really do feel that i can stick to an exercise regime this time.  and luckily enough, i have a great boyfriend who has been over the moon supportive of me (from cooking healthier meals, to being encouraging without being an ass), and i have M. -- my own free, personal trainer and close friend rolled into one.

today was my first day back in the gym, and my first day there with M.  and it was wonderful.  i'm even looking forward to going back tomorrow!  now that's a big step!  to commemorate the occasion, i took a picture of myself today (which serendipitously is the first day of the month, and quells my OCD tendencies that say i must start things at the beginning of weeks/months/years), and will continue to take pictures of myself on the first day of each month so that i can document any successes (i won't even consider the option that i'll fail) i make.  hopefully, someday down the road, i'll be able to share those pictures with you all and celebrate another goal reached!

my life has been seeing so many changes recently, and that's a scary thing for someone like me, who usually only embraces the changes i want and intentionally create in my own life.  but i'm learning to roll with the punches, and i'm taking this time in my life, when things could have completely gone off track into a haze of nothingness and confusion, and turning it into opportunities.  project reconnect is in full swing!

eat.pray.love. check.

it makes me want to reread the book.

blogging through my debt: deep breath

i'm not sure if i'm celebrating or mourning, but feel free to do either with me. 

in other news, spotted:

finn in a box.

go shawty, it's yo' birthday, we gon' party like it's yo' birthday

twenty-six years ago, at exactly this time (5:25pm hawaii time), there was a woman laying [screaming] in a hospital bed, in a little town called hilo on the eastern coast of the big island of hawaii.  she was young and pretty, and was about to bring into this world another daughter for herself and her husband, and a sister for her 3 year old.  she pushed.  and pushed.  and pushed.

and then out i popped with a head full dark hair and a scream that could wake the dead.

because of that hair (which was sticking straight up in an abnormally long mohawk), the nurses at the hospital nicknamed me Mrs. T.  and i like to think that it was because of that scream i was given my name: kahea (the call/voice).

it's my birthday today, and i'm turning 26.

do you remember when you were a kid and your mom used to come to school on your birthday with homemade cupcakes?  do you remember how great that was?  birthdays when you're little seem to dominate your entire world. you wait all year for that day to come and when it finally does, it's amazing.  presents.  cake.  balloons.  all good things.  and the best part of all?  you're an entire year older.  which, now that i'm over 18, doesn't seem like such an awesome thing after all.  time just goes by so quickly, and no matter how much you tell a child to appreciate being young, they never really know how.

i was having a conversation late last night with M. about being a year older and what that means.  it's sort of shocking to realize how drastically we all change between the ages of 18-26 (an arbitrary range that we just pulled out of thin air).  but that's really when we begin to discover who we are, you know?  and i know that who i think i am today is going to change even more in another 8 years, but i can't ignore the fact that i've grown up a tremendous amount, and i don't just mean my age.

(yes, i know i do this a lot, but...) i've gone away to school (again).  i've left the comfortable bubble that is hawaii and roamed [at least part of] the world.  i've gone to college and fallen in love.  i've had a quarter life crises, and have been forced to reevaluate my entire life.  my beliefs have been challenged and pushed.  my self-perception has been irrevocably altered.  i've learned the value of both pride and humility, and have tested my limits till the breaking point.  i've had experiences that forever changed who i am and have learned that anything is possible if you have people who love you in your life.

so on this day when some strange tradition dictates that i should be the one to receive gifts, i want to send out a thank you to all the people in my life.  whether you were present on the day i was born, or have only started reading my blog 5 minutes ago, thank you for being here/there/where ever you are.  i feel blessed to have you all in my life.

now i'm going to go and finish up work, buy my love some flowers (because he's turning 27 today too!), head home, and spend a quiet evening hanging out with him and our dog.  happy birthday, march 11 babies!

blogging through my debt: the progress bars

i just wanted to point everyone over to the nifty progress bars i've created and put in the right column of my blog.  i've been searching through different blogs lately and have really come to like the idea of having a visual reminder of both my debt (so i don't slip up and go on an impromptu shopping spree) and my hard work in bringing that debt down.  plus, it's yet another way of keeping me accountable since you can all see it and call me on it if those progress bars are stationary for any extended period of time!

things have been okay lately.  there were a few minor set backs when my direct consolidation application didn't go through as quickly as i initially thought it would, and i had to cough up another $800 worth of student loan payments this month, in addition to the new $115 private loan payment that came due this month as well.  unfortunately, what this meant was that the largest of those loans (the $488 one) is not getting paid on time this month.  it really just came down to making a tough decision and, with this, i took dave ramsey's advice: when you have to make these kinds of choices, always cover your basic needs first.  food, housing, living necessities.  when those are covered, then you hit the bills.  if it means that one of those bills is going to be a few days late one month, then that's what it means.

it seems counter-intuitive, but i don't think there really was much i could do about it.  perhaps better planning in the future, perhaps taking money out of the emergency fund to make the payment?  i just didn't know what was smartest, so i made the decision that felt right to me.  i've only been late on any sort of payment once or twice in my life, so believe me, this was a big deal to me, but i think i did the right thing.  i also called to check up on my consolidation application and was told that they should (cross your fingers!) be sending me out the necessary paperwork in the next few weeks, so hopefully i'll be able to avoid this situation in the future.

i also just did my taxes and (get ready for the celebratory dance) once my return is direct deposited into my bank account, i'll be able to hit the minimum $1000 in my emergency savings fund, pay off my vs angels credit card, and put the remainder toward either another credit card payment, or my miscellaneous savings fund for things like the upcoming travel i have to pay for this summer (sister's wedding), or saving for when i go back to school.  or to ensuring that my next student loan payment isn't late.

what's become clear to me over the past month since i started this journey (has it really only been a month?) is that it gets easier over time.  it really, truly is about changing your thinking just as much as it's about changing your lifestyle.  for example, though it seems like such a silly thing to me now, before all of this i think i really did consider my credit card to be my money.  when i wanted to shop and didn't have the cash, it was so easy to tell myself that i could just put it on a credit card and deal with it later.  well, now that's completely changed.  not only do i think about shopping less and less as i go along, but when i do, i never think about my credit cards anymore.  i think about the cash in my checking account, and i think about my budget.  because i've budgeted all of that cash somewhere already, i have no choice but to just accept the fact that i have no money to shop.

now this obviously doesn't mean that i never want to shop, but shopping has turned into something i'm looking forward to, a reward for my hard work in reducing my debt.  i know that when i have an emergency fund saved up, a miscellaneous fund begun, and my credit cards paid down, i'll actually have the money to spend on something nice for myself.  and the beauty of it is that, by that time, i'll have so much more control over my money that i won't overspend anymore.

so simple.  why wasn't i doing this all along?

the m/k project

like most women i know, i loved the movie "julie & julia".  not only is amy adams one of my favorite famous people, but meryl streep and stanley tucci are a couple of the best actors of our era.  meryl streep in particular is just...timeless.  the movie was extremely well made and, though i haven't read the book its based off of yet, i don't feel like a lot of short cuts were taken in the storyline.  from costuming to location to food imagery to script, i loved it all.

so it's no surprise really that when N. and his best friend asked that the lovely M. and i cook them dinner for a change this weekend, there really wasn't a question: we were going to go as julia child-esque as possible.

and so "the M./K. project" was born.

on the menu: tournedos sautes au poivre et champignons, petits choux au fromage, and reine de saba.  or, in plain english, filet mignon with a mushroom sauce, cheese puffs, and chocolate almond cake with chocolate butter icing.  we also served an antipasti platter and roasted vegetables.  and lots and lots of wine.  like, buckets of it.

so first of all, we started the evening off with a simple store-bought antipasti platter (salami, prosciutto, bread, havarti, brie, and something like a chorizo tapenade that, along with some guacamole, was provided by the boys), and the cheese puffs.  these cheese puffs are super simple to make and a complete crowd pleaser, unless you're me and soon figure out that you don't actually like cheese puffs.  but with the help of a kitchenaid mixer and about 20lbs of butter (it is julia, after all), they're a quick starter that impressed our guests when they realized we made them.  (tip: they're really good with the chorizo tapenade)

the roasted veggies are sort of self-explanatory, and even someone with me and M.'s limited kitchen abilities can make them.  we chose carrots, parsnips, potatoes and onions, drizzled them with olive oil, salt, pepper and garlic powder, and just roasted until soft.  because we desperately needed a dish that wouldn't clog our arteries with lard.

also, and i don't know if i made it clear, but rockefeller was not bank rolling this shindig so those filet mignon's the tournedos recipe called for quickly became the much more affordable top sirloin.  unfortunately, as we later learned, there is actually a damn good reason that filet mignon is about a thousand times more expensive than our rather economic choice: because, apparently, economy = tough.  word to the wise my friends, unless you're planning on marinating those sirloins for hours (possibly days) on end, be prepared to work those jaw muscles a little more than usual.  a good rule of thumb to keep in mind when staring blankly into your grocer's meat counter is that price really does matter, and the buttery-ness of the meat is directly proportional to the price.

tough meat aside, the main dish wasn't that bad.  the steaks are covered in crushed peppercorns which made them sort of impossible for me to eat (i'm very sensitive to heat/spice -- though this near-disaster turned out okay when the boys showed up with a nice, fat piece of rib eye to grill!), but the mushroom sauce is to die for.  it requires quite a bit (and by bit i mean almost a stick) of butter and cream, and a huge ball of fire that erupts from the sauce pan once you pour in your brandy and set a match to it, but that just makes it all the more yummy.  careful though: we were quite a few bottles of wine into our evening and several hairs got singed in the process of burning off the alcohol.

speaking of alcohol, if it wasn't obvious from all of my previous references, drinking during the preparation of this meal is highly encouraged.  it makes it all the more fun!

and now for the crowing glory: the much-anticipated chocolate and almond cake.  ever since i saw that scene in "julie/julia" where julie and her husband are stuffing their faces with it, i wanted to make it and do the same.  while i'm used to the simpler, let-me-pour-this-cake-mix-out-of-the-box-add-water-eggs-and-oil-mix-and-put-in-the-over recipes, this recipe wasn't that hard.  the melted chocolate is really the part that sort of freaked me out at the beginning because well, who actually melts chocolate over a double boiler?  all i can say is that those years of watching the food network finally paid off when i knew what a double boiler was without googling it, and i knew how to fold in whipped egg whites with relative superiority.

the cake, my friends, was awesome.

in the end, M. and i only needed a little bit of help from our more kitchen-acquainted friends and overall we feel pretty proud of ourselves.  what i've learned about cooking in general is that it takes some time before you're comfortable enough to change recipes on the fly to suit your taste, but it's really something to look forward too.  what i've learned about french cooking though, is that no matter how that movie makes it seem, it is not easy.  but i'm up for practicing.

until then, bon appetit!
 

oh, hi vancouver

as i mentioned in my last olympics post, something sort of surprising came up and, as it turns out, N. and i ended up taking a very last minute flight up to seattle (courtesy of the free flights we had on virgin america, so i didn't need to break my monthly budget!), piling into a car with a bunch of the superfriends from college, and heading up to vancouver the weekend of the closing ceremonies (and the big U.S.A. v. Canada hockey game).  we didn't have tickets to an event but, as i soon found out, vancouver during the olympics is an event in and of itself.

the city just came alive.

if there were words enough to convey how incredible of an experience this was, i'd find them and use them over and over.  but there aren't, so all i can say is that everyone, absolutely every single person on the planet (and that means YOU!), should go to the olympics at least once in their lives.  not only are there a billion things to do, but there are a billion people doing them as well, and then sense of comradery and fun and...global citizenship...is so inspiring and refreshing.  it's cheesey, i know.  but it's also so very true.

as the canadian woman i sat next to on the flight back told me: it's one of those experiences you just never forget.

 

vancouver really does look like both the olympics and the canadian flag threw up on it.  there's even a building (at least 5 stories tall) that has a giant -- and by giant i mean GIANT -- canadian flag wrapped around it.  it's awesome.

the rings!  it was so exciting to see them in person after seeing them behind bob costas on tv all week!
 

and these are a whole different sort of olympic rings.  you can't see it, but he also has the canadian maple leaf on the top of his head.  the press were taking pictures of him, so we pretended to be press as well and got a few shots.  :)

sumi!  the olympic mascots were doing a "mascots on ice" show at the underground ice rink in robson square in downtown vancouver, and we were lucky enough to be in time for a show.  after the show, there was free skate time, and my friends and i became buddies with a 10 year old boy who not only dominated everyone in hockey, but he was also a fan of trivia and asked us a bunch of questions about canada and the olympics, and gave us pins (which were apparently a HUGE thing for some reason) as prizes.  he decided we weren't worthy when he asked us "who's going to win tomorrow's gold medal hockey game?" and we answered, "U.S.A.! U.S.A.!"  i'm just happy he didn't throw a puck at us.

quachi!  he nearly ate us.  i came home with a quachi doll for my nephew, which i don't really want to part with anymore.  at least i didn't get the version where he has on those incredibly popular (and sold out) red mittens...  i'd never give him up then.
 

a look down robson street, which was packed every single second of the day.  at random intervals you'd begin hearing canada chants, and see someone run by wearing a canadian flag as a cape.  there were lines getting into absolutely everything, but the atmosphere was so charged with energy that it was fun just walking around, shopping, catching events on tv's in pubs, bars, and on one of the many outdoor screens set up, and people watching.

this is robson square, and under this glass dome is the ice rink where we saw the mascots on ice earlier in the day.  on the upper right corner of the picture, you can just make out a few cables.  those are for the zipline going over robson square.  every few minutes, all you'd hear is a scream, then someone would whiz by above your head.  the superfriends and i wanted to do it, but the line was 4 hours long and i'd prefer to give it a shot up at whistler one day anyway!
 

more olympic rings, sometime near midnight.
 

 and at long last, the outdoor cauldron.  at the end of our night, we all just sat in the middle of the huge crowd surrounding the flame and tried to take in our time in vancouver.   there was a russian choir nearby singing and playing the accoustic guitar, and it sort of just rounded out the moment.  from this cauldron, you can see the faint glow of some of the ski villages on the ridges surrounding the city, you can see the olympic rings, and you sort of feel like you're in the center of everything.  it was great.  memorable.  i suggest you go to the next games.