eat.pray.love. check.

it makes me want to reread the book.

blogging through my debt: deep breath

i'm not sure if i'm celebrating or mourning, but feel free to do either with me. 

in other news, spotted:

finn in a box.

go shawty, it's yo' birthday, we gon' party like it's yo' birthday

twenty-six years ago, at exactly this time (5:25pm hawaii time), there was a woman laying [screaming] in a hospital bed, in a little town called hilo on the eastern coast of the big island of hawaii.  she was young and pretty, and was about to bring into this world another daughter for herself and her husband, and a sister for her 3 year old.  she pushed.  and pushed.  and pushed.

and then out i popped with a head full dark hair and a scream that could wake the dead.

because of that hair (which was sticking straight up in an abnormally long mohawk), the nurses at the hospital nicknamed me Mrs. T.  and i like to think that it was because of that scream i was given my name: kahea (the call/voice).

it's my birthday today, and i'm turning 26.

do you remember when you were a kid and your mom used to come to school on your birthday with homemade cupcakes?  do you remember how great that was?  birthdays when you're little seem to dominate your entire world. you wait all year for that day to come and when it finally does, it's amazing.  presents.  cake.  balloons.  all good things.  and the best part of all?  you're an entire year older.  which, now that i'm over 18, doesn't seem like such an awesome thing after all.  time just goes by so quickly, and no matter how much you tell a child to appreciate being young, they never really know how.

i was having a conversation late last night with M. about being a year older and what that means.  it's sort of shocking to realize how drastically we all change between the ages of 18-26 (an arbitrary range that we just pulled out of thin air).  but that's really when we begin to discover who we are, you know?  and i know that who i think i am today is going to change even more in another 8 years, but i can't ignore the fact that i've grown up a tremendous amount, and i don't just mean my age.

(yes, i know i do this a lot, but...) i've gone away to school (again).  i've left the comfortable bubble that is hawaii and roamed [at least part of] the world.  i've gone to college and fallen in love.  i've had a quarter life crises, and have been forced to reevaluate my entire life.  my beliefs have been challenged and pushed.  my self-perception has been irrevocably altered.  i've learned the value of both pride and humility, and have tested my limits till the breaking point.  i've had experiences that forever changed who i am and have learned that anything is possible if you have people who love you in your life.

so on this day when some strange tradition dictates that i should be the one to receive gifts, i want to send out a thank you to all the people in my life.  whether you were present on the day i was born, or have only started reading my blog 5 minutes ago, thank you for being here/there/where ever you are.  i feel blessed to have you all in my life.

now i'm going to go and finish up work, buy my love some flowers (because he's turning 27 today too!), head home, and spend a quiet evening hanging out with him and our dog.  happy birthday, march 11 babies!

blogging through my debt: the progress bars

i just wanted to point everyone over to the nifty progress bars i've created and put in the right column of my blog.  i've been searching through different blogs lately and have really come to like the idea of having a visual reminder of both my debt (so i don't slip up and go on an impromptu shopping spree) and my hard work in bringing that debt down.  plus, it's yet another way of keeping me accountable since you can all see it and call me on it if those progress bars are stationary for any extended period of time!

things have been okay lately.  there were a few minor set backs when my direct consolidation application didn't go through as quickly as i initially thought it would, and i had to cough up another $800 worth of student loan payments this month, in addition to the new $115 private loan payment that came due this month as well.  unfortunately, what this meant was that the largest of those loans (the $488 one) is not getting paid on time this month.  it really just came down to making a tough decision and, with this, i took dave ramsey's advice: when you have to make these kinds of choices, always cover your basic needs first.  food, housing, living necessities.  when those are covered, then you hit the bills.  if it means that one of those bills is going to be a few days late one month, then that's what it means.

it seems counter-intuitive, but i don't think there really was much i could do about it.  perhaps better planning in the future, perhaps taking money out of the emergency fund to make the payment?  i just didn't know what was smartest, so i made the decision that felt right to me.  i've only been late on any sort of payment once or twice in my life, so believe me, this was a big deal to me, but i think i did the right thing.  i also called to check up on my consolidation application and was told that they should (cross your fingers!) be sending me out the necessary paperwork in the next few weeks, so hopefully i'll be able to avoid this situation in the future.

i also just did my taxes and (get ready for the celebratory dance) once my return is direct deposited into my bank account, i'll be able to hit the minimum $1000 in my emergency savings fund, pay off my vs angels credit card, and put the remainder toward either another credit card payment, or my miscellaneous savings fund for things like the upcoming travel i have to pay for this summer (sister's wedding), or saving for when i go back to school.  or to ensuring that my next student loan payment isn't late.

what's become clear to me over the past month since i started this journey (has it really only been a month?) is that it gets easier over time.  it really, truly is about changing your thinking just as much as it's about changing your lifestyle.  for example, though it seems like such a silly thing to me now, before all of this i think i really did consider my credit card to be my money.  when i wanted to shop and didn't have the cash, it was so easy to tell myself that i could just put it on a credit card and deal with it later.  well, now that's completely changed.  not only do i think about shopping less and less as i go along, but when i do, i never think about my credit cards anymore.  i think about the cash in my checking account, and i think about my budget.  because i've budgeted all of that cash somewhere already, i have no choice but to just accept the fact that i have no money to shop.

now this obviously doesn't mean that i never want to shop, but shopping has turned into something i'm looking forward to, a reward for my hard work in reducing my debt.  i know that when i have an emergency fund saved up, a miscellaneous fund begun, and my credit cards paid down, i'll actually have the money to spend on something nice for myself.  and the beauty of it is that, by that time, i'll have so much more control over my money that i won't overspend anymore.

so simple.  why wasn't i doing this all along?

the m/k project

like most women i know, i loved the movie "julie & julia".  not only is amy adams one of my favorite famous people, but meryl streep and stanley tucci are a couple of the best actors of our era.  meryl streep in particular is just...timeless.  the movie was extremely well made and, though i haven't read the book its based off of yet, i don't feel like a lot of short cuts were taken in the storyline.  from costuming to location to food imagery to script, i loved it all.

so it's no surprise really that when N. and his best friend asked that the lovely M. and i cook them dinner for a change this weekend, there really wasn't a question: we were going to go as julia child-esque as possible.

and so "the M./K. project" was born.

on the menu: tournedos sautes au poivre et champignons, petits choux au fromage, and reine de saba.  or, in plain english, filet mignon with a mushroom sauce, cheese puffs, and chocolate almond cake with chocolate butter icing.  we also served an antipasti platter and roasted vegetables.  and lots and lots of wine.  like, buckets of it.

so first of all, we started the evening off with a simple store-bought antipasti platter (salami, prosciutto, bread, havarti, brie, and something like a chorizo tapenade that, along with some guacamole, was provided by the boys), and the cheese puffs.  these cheese puffs are super simple to make and a complete crowd pleaser, unless you're me and soon figure out that you don't actually like cheese puffs.  but with the help of a kitchenaid mixer and about 20lbs of butter (it is julia, after all), they're a quick starter that impressed our guests when they realized we made them.  (tip: they're really good with the chorizo tapenade)

the roasted veggies are sort of self-explanatory, and even someone with me and M.'s limited kitchen abilities can make them.  we chose carrots, parsnips, potatoes and onions, drizzled them with olive oil, salt, pepper and garlic powder, and just roasted until soft.  because we desperately needed a dish that wouldn't clog our arteries with lard.

also, and i don't know if i made it clear, but rockefeller was not bank rolling this shindig so those filet mignon's the tournedos recipe called for quickly became the much more affordable top sirloin.  unfortunately, as we later learned, there is actually a damn good reason that filet mignon is about a thousand times more expensive than our rather economic choice: because, apparently, economy = tough.  word to the wise my friends, unless you're planning on marinating those sirloins for hours (possibly days) on end, be prepared to work those jaw muscles a little more than usual.  a good rule of thumb to keep in mind when staring blankly into your grocer's meat counter is that price really does matter, and the buttery-ness of the meat is directly proportional to the price.

tough meat aside, the main dish wasn't that bad.  the steaks are covered in crushed peppercorns which made them sort of impossible for me to eat (i'm very sensitive to heat/spice -- though this near-disaster turned out okay when the boys showed up with a nice, fat piece of rib eye to grill!), but the mushroom sauce is to die for.  it requires quite a bit (and by bit i mean almost a stick) of butter and cream, and a huge ball of fire that erupts from the sauce pan once you pour in your brandy and set a match to it, but that just makes it all the more yummy.  careful though: we were quite a few bottles of wine into our evening and several hairs got singed in the process of burning off the alcohol.

speaking of alcohol, if it wasn't obvious from all of my previous references, drinking during the preparation of this meal is highly encouraged.  it makes it all the more fun!

and now for the crowing glory: the much-anticipated chocolate and almond cake.  ever since i saw that scene in "julie/julia" where julie and her husband are stuffing their faces with it, i wanted to make it and do the same.  while i'm used to the simpler, let-me-pour-this-cake-mix-out-of-the-box-add-water-eggs-and-oil-mix-and-put-in-the-over recipes, this recipe wasn't that hard.  the melted chocolate is really the part that sort of freaked me out at the beginning because well, who actually melts chocolate over a double boiler?  all i can say is that those years of watching the food network finally paid off when i knew what a double boiler was without googling it, and i knew how to fold in whipped egg whites with relative superiority.

the cake, my friends, was awesome.

in the end, M. and i only needed a little bit of help from our more kitchen-acquainted friends and overall we feel pretty proud of ourselves.  what i've learned about cooking in general is that it takes some time before you're comfortable enough to change recipes on the fly to suit your taste, but it's really something to look forward too.  what i've learned about french cooking though, is that no matter how that movie makes it seem, it is not easy.  but i'm up for practicing.

until then, bon appetit!
 

oh, hi vancouver

as i mentioned in my last olympics post, something sort of surprising came up and, as it turns out, N. and i ended up taking a very last minute flight up to seattle (courtesy of the free flights we had on virgin america, so i didn't need to break my monthly budget!), piling into a car with a bunch of the superfriends from college, and heading up to vancouver the weekend of the closing ceremonies (and the big U.S.A. v. Canada hockey game).  we didn't have tickets to an event but, as i soon found out, vancouver during the olympics is an event in and of itself.

the city just came alive.

if there were words enough to convey how incredible of an experience this was, i'd find them and use them over and over.  but there aren't, so all i can say is that everyone, absolutely every single person on the planet (and that means YOU!), should go to the olympics at least once in their lives.  not only are there a billion things to do, but there are a billion people doing them as well, and then sense of comradery and fun and...global citizenship...is so inspiring and refreshing.  it's cheesey, i know.  but it's also so very true.

as the canadian woman i sat next to on the flight back told me: it's one of those experiences you just never forget.

 

vancouver really does look like both the olympics and the canadian flag threw up on it.  there's even a building (at least 5 stories tall) that has a giant -- and by giant i mean GIANT -- canadian flag wrapped around it.  it's awesome.

the rings!  it was so exciting to see them in person after seeing them behind bob costas on tv all week!
 

and these are a whole different sort of olympic rings.  you can't see it, but he also has the canadian maple leaf on the top of his head.  the press were taking pictures of him, so we pretended to be press as well and got a few shots.  :)

sumi!  the olympic mascots were doing a "mascots on ice" show at the underground ice rink in robson square in downtown vancouver, and we were lucky enough to be in time for a show.  after the show, there was free skate time, and my friends and i became buddies with a 10 year old boy who not only dominated everyone in hockey, but he was also a fan of trivia and asked us a bunch of questions about canada and the olympics, and gave us pins (which were apparently a HUGE thing for some reason) as prizes.  he decided we weren't worthy when he asked us "who's going to win tomorrow's gold medal hockey game?" and we answered, "U.S.A.! U.S.A.!"  i'm just happy he didn't throw a puck at us.

quachi!  he nearly ate us.  i came home with a quachi doll for my nephew, which i don't really want to part with anymore.  at least i didn't get the version where he has on those incredibly popular (and sold out) red mittens...  i'd never give him up then.
 

a look down robson street, which was packed every single second of the day.  at random intervals you'd begin hearing canada chants, and see someone run by wearing a canadian flag as a cape.  there were lines getting into absolutely everything, but the atmosphere was so charged with energy that it was fun just walking around, shopping, catching events on tv's in pubs, bars, and on one of the many outdoor screens set up, and people watching.

this is robson square, and under this glass dome is the ice rink where we saw the mascots on ice earlier in the day.  on the upper right corner of the picture, you can just make out a few cables.  those are for the zipline going over robson square.  every few minutes, all you'd hear is a scream, then someone would whiz by above your head.  the superfriends and i wanted to do it, but the line was 4 hours long and i'd prefer to give it a shot up at whistler one day anyway!
 

more olympic rings, sometime near midnight.
 

 and at long last, the outdoor cauldron.  at the end of our night, we all just sat in the middle of the huge crowd surrounding the flame and tried to take in our time in vancouver.   there was a russian choir nearby singing and playing the accoustic guitar, and it sort of just rounded out the moment.  from this cauldron, you can see the faint glow of some of the ski villages on the ridges surrounding the city, you can see the olympic rings, and you sort of feel like you're in the center of everything.  it was great.  memorable.  i suggest you go to the next games.

friday feature: brooke fraser

i know that i've written about brooke fraser before, but i've really been obsessed with her music lately and have had it on repeat, so you've got to bear with me.

the first time i listened to brooke fraser, i'm pretty sure i was actually in new zealand (she's a kiwi).  we were living in the international house at the university of auckland, and i remember walking into the lounge and hearing this really nice song playing.  i walked over to the tv where some friends were watching music videos, and i see this great video.  there's candle-light and this woman playing the piano, and it's all just very romantic, you know?  well, at that point N. and i had just started dating so everything sort of seemed romantic to me at the time, but still.

anyway, this song ended up being "arithmetic" by brooke fraser, and i ended up buying the entire album and really loving her music.  she's since come out with a newer album called "albertine," and it's absolutely amazing.  from a christian standpoint, you really couldn't ask for more since it's really inspirational but not overly preachy, and from a singer/songwriter fan's standpoint, the music (from piano to guitar to lyrics) is wonderful as well -- calming and thoughtful without being depressing.

i also know that, with this album, there's a particular humanitarian aspect that you hear come through in the song for which the album is named.  as a supporter of world vision child sponsorship, "albertine" is named for the orphan brooke met in rwanda, who lost both her parents in the rwandan genocide.  you can read a little bit more about it on her website.

i guess this music just inspires me to 1) be a better person, 2) be a better christian, and 3) be better at these things by...being more present in the world, more helpful, more understanding.  more of the things we say we all want to be, but usually don't see through.

brooke's currently in studio working on another album, and i can't wait until she goes back on tour.  until then, here are some songs to keep you (and me) looking forward:

a good read

anyone who knows me will know that i'm obsessed with fiction.  as i wrote earlier this week, fiction isn't easy for me to write, but it's what i love.  it's no surprise then, that fiction is what i lean towards in my reading preferences as well.

books are a comfort to me.  they can be a vice, yes, because i will always use them as a way to procrastinate, but they 're also an invaluable stress reliever and an escape, a channel for frustration and a blanket to pull over my head when the frustration of school or work or life in general just won't go away.

i can remember the first book i ever read and enjoyed ("the curse of the mummy" by r.l. stein).  i can remember the first series i read ("the fear street saga" by r.l. stein), because even then i needed that continuation, that update on the lives in the characters after their stories ended.  these books, which probably won't be immortalized in the grand scheme of things, taught me how some authors could grab my attention while others couldn't.  i can't honestly say that i read the most stunning literary works that ever existed -- even now, when fear street and christopher pike are far behind me.  lord know that i'll never read most of the "classics," and it's not because i don't appreciate them.  they just don't appeal to my imagination in ways that the books i love do.

i love the exploration of relationships.  parents and children.  siblings.  friends and rivals.  lovers.  i love that exchange of words that you can read and know that that's exactly how it would have played out in your head.  it's those same words you would have screamed when you got fired, the laugh that would have escaped from your own lips at some snide remark, the anger you would have felt clawing past the hurt and shock when you were betrayed.

i love the setting of a scene.  when a room you read is perfect in every way, and you can sketch it out if you had to, when you can see the city as the character sees the city, when the details are all there for you to pick and choose from.  i love when there's flexibility enough for you to change what suits you, when the expressions, or the distracted movements of a character are so the way you see them, that these people, this situation, this world is as real to you as any other.

this is where i escape when i need to. i pick up the problems of my favorite fictional person because i know that in three hours, when i finally finish their story, the problem would have been solved and the world would have been righted again.

there's just enough drama to satisfy my need for conflict, and there, at the very end, is that ever reliable and eternal resolution.

olympic fever

olympic fever has officially settled over our once quiet land.  i don't know why, i don't know what has been so different about these games than all the others, but i am certifiably obsessed.

the athleticism alone is sort of staggering, you know?  i mean, i've never skied or snowboarded, so i can barely even fathom standing up on those things, let alone competing at that level on a nearly vertical slope.  it's practically insane.  who decided that it would be a good idea to strap a couple of long pieces of wood to your feet, speed down a hill, and then jump off of ramp so that you're vaulted into the air at more than 60 mph, to land a whopping 300-some-odd feet from where you began?  crazy people, and people waaaay more talented then me, that's who!

these men and women train for years to be able to compete in events that are over in minutes.  and its been so heartbreaking to watch when it doesn't work out, and so inspirational to watch when it does.  the stress has been killing me.  i can barely watch any event that lindsey vonn (possibly the most accident prone olympian ever) is in because i'm so concerned that she'll get injured again.  i almost cried when she won her first gold this year.  when france's ophelie david crashed during women's ski cross, and the camera found her 10 year old daughter lilou looking on, i did cry.

they're fearless.  that's really what it comes down to.  throwing a grown woman in the air so that she can spin and land ten feet away on razor sharp blades?  racing around an ice rink filled with more than 20 other people who are all, again, on razor sharp blades?  and, god, to go down mountains and winding slides of ice after knowing how many people have been injured and, worse yet, killed on them already?  i can't help but have so much respect for these athletes.

i've decided that my favorite events this year are moguls, women's downhill and super combined, speed skating, and, of course -- because i'm a girl -- ice skating.  i'm a particular fan of the commentators of the men's snowboarding event, who were kind enough to explain all that snowboard lingo and tricks to the uneducated me.  i am not, however, a fan of the curling commentators (or the sport, for that matter) who taught me absolutely nothing about the game.  in fact, i'm actually convinced that there are no rules in curling; you simply push your rock (yes, i said rock) with as medium force as possible, sweep the ice in front of it vigorously until it just shines, and ignore the target/bullseye at the end of the lane -- it means nothing anyway.

the scots come up with such interesting ways to occupy their time.

anyway, (even though i'm posting this tomorrow morning) i'm actually in the midst of watching a bunch of women with thighs bigger than my midsection push bullets-on-blades down an icy course before jumping into said bullet and hoping no one falls out.  that's right, it's bobsled time.  (why  is it called a bobsled anyway?)  i have a mini-surprise coming up next week relating to the olympics, so keep posted, and enjoy the games!

dream a little dream

i daydream a lot.  like, a lot.  i'm one of those people who would prefer not driving, not because it stresses me out or because i hate traffic (though i am sort of terrified of driving in a general sense anyway), but because it seriously cuts into my daydream time.  that bus ride, that commute, it's the only time of day that i can take a step back from everything and, without any effort whatsoever, come up with storyline after storyline, scenario after scenario.  all i need is some peace and music.

and i bring this up because there's a big difference between this daydream time, when everything comes so fluidly and i can so easily remember why i want to be a writer and why i think i'd be good at it, and the time i set aside to actually sit down in front of my computer and write something (read: creative, fiction) down.  during that time, it's like pulling teeth.  for example, i read a lot of interviews of my favorite authors where they're asked, "how did you become a writer?" or "describe your work day," and many times they'll talk about just sitting down and having the words come to them.  it's work, yes, of course, but still.  they're able to write without an outline, you know?  the characters sort of...well, tell the author what they want to say and do.  the author, at that point, is sort of a conduit, you know? 

um, okay so that's totally not me.  when i sit down to write fiction with nothing jotted down to fill the next few pages with, none of my characters speak to me and the only words that come to mind are: you suck, so don't quit your day job.

[Note: this is not the case for academic writing which i could, unfortunately, spew out of my brain for hours upon hours, lucky you.]

so this daydream time is incredibly important to me.  the only problem is, i'm never prepared for it.  i always have these great ideas where i can envision an hour of dialogue in my head, or the way an entire fictional town looks at sunset, but then as soon as i get back to reality, those visions are gone.

it's gotten to the point where i've even invented a imaginary machine to help me with this dilemma.  it's a headset, not unlike a bluetooth earpiece, that would somehow (and this is why my invention has not yet come to fruition) record my thoughts and transmit them to an open word document.  voila!  i've got an editable story already written down!

unfortunately, my science, engineering and math capabilities, which i assume are necessary to build such a wonderful little device, are sorely lacking.  i've started carting around a good old fashion journal instead.  and while it's everywhere i go these days, i'm still forgetting to use it.  but today i'm turning over a new leaf.  said journal is sitting here, right next to me on my desk, so that as soon as any sort of story or blog idea comes up, i'll be ready.  in fact, i've already written something down in there this morning (on the short bus ride to work)!

i'm hoping to turn this into another one of those healthy habits i've been working on.