mind over [lots of] matter

alright, i've decided something.  (and here we shall all pause for a minute to fully appreciate the magnitude of this moment: i have actually decided something!  alert the press!).  okay, enough silliness.  i have decided that i need to lose weight.

what brought this on [again]?  maybe it's the fact that i'm the heaviest i have ever been, and therefore wear the largest sizes i have ever worn.  maybe it's the fact that my weight has seriously started to effect the way i look at myself and act with...people [read: boyfriend].  maybe it's because of the little news clipping my mother sent me last week about diabetes and weight and the crap i eat and drink as she tried to gently point out that yes, i am prone to getting diabetes and yes, she will blame me and my shitty habits forever and ever if i end of a diabetic like her and my sister and everyone else in my family who got it even though their habits are nowhere near as bad as mine.

it's actually all of these reasons.

i'm unhappy with myself, and tired of being unhappy.  i'd originally planned to enroll myself back at my gym (had to quit when the funds stopped flowing in), but my new and improved "down with debt" attitude makes that against the rules.  so instead i'm going to give the free workouts on my comcast on-demand a shot, and maybe eventually move my activities outdoors into the sunshine (when the sun actually starts shining again).  i also think i want to commit myself to some sort of culminating event, like back in high school when, in order to pass phys ed, each student had to complete a timed event, like a 6 mile run or a biathalon or something.  it'll keep me accountable, and looking forward to something.  not that i looked forward to those events in high school, and i wasn't even fat then.

urgh.  note to self: STOP comparing your current ass to your high school ass!  it's not a fair fight!

anyway.  i feel like i need to come up with a regimen or something, like just wanting to exercise won't be enough.  does anyone out there have a regimen i can use as a jumping off point?  or maybe someone wants to be a fitness buddy with me!  (because lets face it, misery loves company, right?)

but it's not just the exercise thing.  i also need to eat healthier.  i've started eating lunches now, which is a plus in some alternate universe, i suppose.  i still can't bring myself to eat breakfast because 1) i don't like breakfast foods, and 2) i'm just not hungry that early in the morning and by the time i am hungry, well, it's lunch time!  but i guess that should be what i tackle first: getting my metabolism, which has adopted the speed of an ice flow, moving in some sort of respectable way again.

this all just goes to show that being healthy, being in shape is so much more about your mind than your actual body.  without your mind, your body might as well be a lump of poop.  my body currently is a lump of poop.  so it'll be a challenge all around.

ummmm...

any suggestions?  please?