My worldview in the past several months has admittedly been a little more narrow than normal. I've been so concerned about my own health and peace of mind that the concerns of others -- even those I love -- have necessarily taken a backseat. I know I tended to think of it like hoarding my resources. I've often said that I already felt stretched so thin and so unsure that I could pull myself through a particular situation that there really was just no room for me to worry about others. I had this fear that if I did, I would simply break apart and scatter.
I'm embarrassed by that now, because we're often told that it's that very sort of mentality that plagues humanity overall...a selfishness and self-centeredness that we can't seem to escape. And there it is, right in front of me, parading as reason when all it is is an excuse.
But no matter what I've said, I've haven't truly been able to get away from the worry and love and concern and feeling. I've tried. Believe me, I've tried, because feelings for me -- the sadness or hurt or fear or worry -- are often debilitating. But when it's family or friends or the world we live in at large, it's actually much harder not to care than it is to care, isn't it? The money troubles of our parents or siblings, the political and societal unrest in our country and others, the broken hearts of our best friends. Hell, the the fact that we don't think we care enough. All these little worries. And that's not even touching upon all that's worth celebrating.
So it's often a little confusing when I come across people whose moods are overall just...lukewarm. I've always been a pretty expressive person, passionate about things big and small (and meaningful and stupid), given to quick opinions that I later have to retract. I try to show my interest in the interests of others by being excitable and humorous. I quickly throw myself wholeheartedly into either a sympathetic or devil's advocate position and have no qualms about switching sides if necessary after testing the waters. I find that life is so much more fun and worthwhile when those around me know that their feelings touch mine.
I don't always succeed in living this way, but I try to.
I'm sorry, I know this post is a little convoluted. But I guess that's sort where my mind is right now...fuzzy and a little unsure of why the world works they way it does, why people can show an interest in human rights causes thousands of miles away but not in the interests of those they interact with daily. Why has "Whatever," and "I don't care," become such standard answers to almost every question? How does that serve anyone, yourself included?
So I guess it just comes down to me realizing that I'd much rather be freaking out over how the hell I'm supposed to care about the thoughts and feelings of every single person on earth and still keep myself from going out of my mind, than to protect myself so completely that I become numb to all of the little things in life. I'd much rather people think and know that I care and that I'm interested than the other way around.
I want to live my life by actually being an active participant in it. Wouldn't you?
So it's often a little confusing when I come across people whose moods are overall just...lukewarm. I've always been a pretty expressive person, passionate about things big and small (and meaningful and stupid), given to quick opinions that I later have to retract. I try to show my interest in the interests of others by being excitable and humorous. I quickly throw myself wholeheartedly into either a sympathetic or devil's advocate position and have no qualms about switching sides if necessary after testing the waters. I find that life is so much more fun and worthwhile when those around me know that their feelings touch mine.
I don't always succeed in living this way, but I try to.
I'm sorry, I know this post is a little convoluted. But I guess that's sort where my mind is right now...fuzzy and a little unsure of why the world works they way it does, why people can show an interest in human rights causes thousands of miles away but not in the interests of those they interact with daily. Why has "Whatever," and "I don't care," become such standard answers to almost every question? How does that serve anyone, yourself included?
So I guess it just comes down to me realizing that I'd much rather be freaking out over how the hell I'm supposed to care about the thoughts and feelings of every single person on earth and still keep myself from going out of my mind, than to protect myself so completely that I become numb to all of the little things in life. I'd much rather people think and know that I care and that I'm interested than the other way around.
I want to live my life by actually being an active participant in it. Wouldn't you?
